Tell me your honest to god experiences with your newborn

[Mitsufishi]

I am going through hell for the third time around with a newborn.

Everyone says 'sleep when they skeep'. But how? Mine would never sleep, in bed, on me, maybe in a buggy or sling if in constant motion. They all went on to be horrific sleepers so 'this too' did not pass.

My mother says 'all newborns are like that, people who say otherwise are lying'. So it's just me who can't cope then?

Honestly tell me, what was your experience with a newborn. Because I have friends who seem to have had it easy and have seen evidence of it. My mother insists people are lying to show off. But I don't think there's such a fashion for that any more and that actually if anything people often tend to make things sound worse than they are these days rather than the other way around. In any case I've seen friends newborns and babies that effortlessly doze off and wonder a thousand times over what I'm doing wrong.

Eg on school run today I thought I'll just carry her and maybe she'll fall asleep on my shoulder on the walk there. (was dry, fed, tired but not overtired etc) No luck and only just gor her calmed down and asleep. Luckily DH is home but would be really screwed otherwise.

Feeds every two hours ish. For fifteen minutes usually. Any longer and she brings it all up (big projectile liquidy vomit)

I'm pretty sure hunger isn't the issue as if asleep in sling she can wait. Also because of night stretch

I wsh I could tell the difference between being hungry and pushing for comfort sucking. Agree also that it can look like she's had shitloads after comfort feeding for ages, but in fact hasn't and is still hungry. DS2 was so easy to read but first and third far less so!

DD2 is now 11 weeks old, she's a very good sleeper at night, very fidgety so I don't sleep well, but my god she's hard work during the day, cat naps all day, she's just had a screaming fit, so I've winded her, fed her, think it's teething though, I've never had a baby sleep through the night so soon so I know how hard it is.

shitatusernames mine is very fidgety as well. I put headphones in with 'sleep' music as it sets my teeth on edge thinking she's going to wake up any minute and the music covers all the little noises but not actual noises.

Have you heard of the Moro reflex? This can be a really significant spoke in the wheel of good daytime naps and is largely why swaddling can be so effective (and why swaddling is no longer necessary after eight weeks when a baby's Moro reflex is not quite so, erm...mental).

A baby's sleep rhythm dictates that it wakes every 40/45 minutes which is why it is so important to teach him to self settle so you are not racing to the cot every forty minutes or so. Crying down is a good way of teaching a baby to go back to sleep when forty minutes elapses. It is doable, I promise, but you have to persevere. It is also essential that you do this kind of training in a pitch black room where it is more conducive to getting back to sleep.

OP, your baby is not getting enough milk at each feed. It takes approx 30 minutes to reach the hind milk (the fatty, rich, calorific stuff that zonks 'em out) on one breast and so your baby is going through the day with insufficient amounts to promote really good naps. That's why she is feeding more often than is normal (generally every 3 hrs). Please ask your HV or breastfeeding support worker for advice on the throwing up. It's not normal.

I am a bit nervous about pitch black room naps as desperate not to mess with
Night time as she seems to get the difference between night and day. Also Scared That then it may be impossible getting her to sleep out and about etc. And we travel a lot and teally dont want to get into
The whole Travel black out blind thing. Especially as a place we stay regularly has several huge curtain less windows so black
Out blinds
Wouldn't
Work.

One small mercy about my older DCs is that they can sleep just fine regardless of
Light or dark.

I know that is probably silly though
And woul be totally worth it if
I could get naps sorted.

Is she not getting enough though? If
she can sleep a six hour stretch at night and have a good
Nap in a sling?

The throwing up is normal. She is very very little and her stomach cant take that much

She has put on a huge amount of weight since birth so I know she is feeding well.

The idea that babies should feed for certain periods of time is unfortunately outdated and incorrect advice. Kellymom has some good stuff on this I think.

A baby who is properly sated at one feed will not cry from hunger two hours later. Your baby is sleeping six hours at night because it is so exhausted from the day.

Blackout curtains have not precluded night and day differentiation for my baby nor the babies of my friends. Please don't worry about that. Blackout fabric really helps when tackling early morning wake ups, too.

Kellymom will just tell you to suck it up and that your baby is normal for feeding non-stop day and night. It will tell you that multiple night wakings are Mother Nature's way of keeping your milk supply up

I don't think it is going to be helpful to debate on this thread, but that simply isn't true about breastfeeding Pistol. If the OP has any concerns about her baby's feeding pattern I suggest that she starts a thread on the breast and bottle feeding board, where there are quite a few qualified posters who can comment. Or refer to evidence backed sites like Kellymom.

I have used blackout blinds for early morning waking (success rate 1/2) but I do agree about a bit of caution. I had a friend who could never leave the house at afternoon nap time (until her son dropped his nap), because he simply wouldn't sleep unless in a cot in a pitch black room. And the faff of researching windows anywhere they were going for the travel blind to fit... That's only one story, I'm not saying it would happen. But it is obviously possible because I've seen it. That said, I'd probably try and crack that restriction later on if it meant wonderful two hour naps in early babyhood. As long as it fitted around pre-school and school pick ups.

And you think a bf baby should go three hours and feed for half an hour based on what research exactly Pistol? Neither you, nor I, are qualified in breastfeeding counselling. If the OP has concerns, she should speak to someone who is. Intentionally and mother-led stretching out feeds to three hours at three weeks is not good news for a mother who wants to continue to bf.

What advice do you have, Penguin, regarding OP's baby only feeding for 15 minute stretches and then throwing up? Surely you have some knowledge with your bf-ing experience?

Oh, and I don't believe a tired baby won't sleep in its pram when out and about 1.5/2 hrs after it last woke. If a baby is tired (barring overtiredness) it will sleep. My baby cries for five minutes sometimes when out in the pram when she's tired. I ignore her and she goes to sleep

Pistol many newborns need feeding every 1.5 to 2 hours. It's not uncommon. Trying to "stretch" things longer may not be ideal for a baby or a mother trying to establish milk supply.

I am not a qualified bfing counsellor and wouldn't try abd advise on feeding problems.

Mitsufishi - if you are worried at all speak to someone IRL. But if you are happy your baby ia feeding on demand and for as long as she wants and you have no other concerns then just carry on. Don't know if you bf your older ones, but if not it does get less relentless.

Pistol- yes, there are babies who will fight naps that hard. DD1 went through a spell.

Pistol please please stop. You have experience of one baby. You don't know all babies. The way you talk so insistently is a little upsetting. Do you talk to your RL mum friends this way?

OP if you post on the feeding section you should get some good advice on the frequent feeds. Is it an on going issue? If not it could just be cluster feeding to build up your supply for a growth spurt. If it's on going it could be an over supply problem? Kellymom has good advice on dealing with over supply.

pistol in confusing SIDS advice with suffocation risks and safe co-sleeping advice you are moving from bizarre monomaniacal obsessive posts to truly dangerous posts. SIDS is a different risk from suffocation so a 'a large mother' accidentally smothering her baby in bed is not part of the SIDS statistics. No one advocates co-sleeping after consuming alcohol. There is no evidence that larger mothers are more likely to accidentally suffocate their babies - this is quite an offensive remark you made.

I'm a little scared as well because posts seem to be moving around between experiences with babies of say up to 6 weeks, things that have helped with babies 6 weeks to 12 weeks and things for older babies.

I'd particularly say that for real tinies with jaundice, get specific advice about tinies with jaundice, not general advice. Jaundice at least has the fantastic advantage of turning parts of babies a different colour. If only all the other things that babies have were colour-coded in the same way, life would be a lot easier.

I'd say that your mum is (mostly) wrong OP, some newborns are clearly easier than others. But I think she is right in that a very high proportion of newborn phases are pretty extreme in ways that are really hard to believe, looking back.

I think all the idea of routines etc for a newborn is just wishful thinking. The first few weeks are hell while baby figures out night from day, how often he/she needs to feed, sleep etc. Things settle into a routine of their own after a while, whether you follow a book to do it or let the baby decide. That is the point at which you get your mind and your sanity back!!

I wasn't too worried about the feeding until now. I know obviously I'm aiming to stretch the feeds for longer but wasn't seeing it as much of an issue tight now if she can't wait the allotted 2-3 hours. I was thibking this veginning bit she just needed to sort gerself out. She was five pounds when born and has grown massively but still obviously has quite a small tummy. I don't think she could take 30 mins of feeding.

That day I mentioned I had with all three she had plenty of sleep and still slept well that night so I don't think she's just sleeping because she's exhausted from the day. She also has many contended periods.

pistol it's like your posts are being written by two different people. You have said some lovely supportive things but also made me cry and feel like crap. I realise I'm overreacting and being too sensitive due to being hormonal and tired but I don't get why you are being so forceful and evangelical.