To ask DH not to go to the rugby?

[ElphabaTheGreen]

DH has a rugby season ticket. Tonight is the last game before the play-offs. I don't begrudge him going - I like him to enjoy himself. However...

We have two DSs - 2.3yo and 5 weeks who is EBF. I could be being naff about this but I seriously have no idea how I could get them both to bed by myself as DS2 cluster feeds on and off from about 5pm until 8pm. Current routine - both boys go into the bath at 7pm. DH watches them while I chuck on pyjamas and brush my teeth. I get DS2 into his sleepsuit then into our darkened bedroom for more feeding then into his co-sleeper cot until we both fall asleep. If I don't stay with him while he falls asleep he wails. He can take quite a while of drifting in and out of sleep before he stays that way - around half an hour sometimes. While I do this, DH gets DS1 into his pyjamas, reads to him for 20-30 minutes in his room, then puts him to bed.

We don't have anyone to help in place of DH. DH does work away from time to time so the time will come when I'll have to get both boys to bed solo, but I'm just not keen to do it any earlier than I have to. DH will be understanding, if a bit grumpy, if I say he can't go to the game tonight.

AIBU to tell him not to go? Is there a magical way I haven't thought of to get a toddler and a newborn to bed at the same time??

Is he always back for bedtime normally from work? That must be great.

My take on it - you wouldn't be unreasonable to ask him, as you have a very small baby. However, letting him go would be kind, and kindness goes a long way in relationships! Can't you just feed the baby while in DS1's room reading to him stories?

Sorry but I think YABU. It may be a tricky thing to handle, but you will survive.

Can you feed DS2 while you read a story to DS1? Can DS1 have his story in your room with DS2 and then go to bed?

Is there anything particular they have to be up for in the morning, would it really matter if DS1 ends up going to bed later?

It might seem daunting but I think you can do it.

Yanbu. My dh wouldn't have left me to double bedtime at that time. I had to do it sometimes when dh was working late and it was awful. Yes you will survive it, but in the early days when you're sleep deprived and everyone's adjusting to a new routine, I think it's no great sacrifice for dh to stay home.

I've been a single Mum since I was pregnant with DS2.

I had a 2 YO and a newborn to deal with on my own (no family around).

It's one night that your DH is going to be away, if you miss their bath time for a night it isn't going to hurt them, lay with DC2 and read DC1 a story then and then settle them in bed.

I think that your DH deserves to go, it is daunting but the worst thing that is going to happen is they miss a bath/ are in bed later than usual/ baby is going to cry for 5 minutes while you put DC1 to bed.

They are going to come to no harm.

Firstly skip the bath for one night and concentrate on getting your toddler ready for bed nice & calmly. Then snuggle up with them both for stories - might be easier in your bed as there will be more space. If you need both hands for the baby then tell fairy stories from memory or make up an adventure that DS1 is the star of (probably involving trips to the moon & meeting dinosaurs). Once he is asleep then you can settle the baby.

Honestly as it's only one night I would say yabu. I'm a single mum to 4 inc 2 under 2 my ds2 feeds a lot at night. I would just focus on a calm bedtime, can he come in with you for once, while your feeding make it like a fun snuggle in?
If it's something your dh would really enjoy it would be nice. However if ultimately you really feel you can't manage then he should stay willingly.

Don't make an issue of it. But at the weekend make the bugger do every damned job except the bf, you'll have to excuse him that, and tell him why!

It's only one night and at 2.5 going to bed a bit late won't harm him. Skip the bath for tonight and read to ds1 while ds2 feeds.

I understand how you're feeling. My DH works away sometimes and when my youngest was about 6 weeks he was away and I had dd1 in school, ds1 in nursery and toddler dd2 to sort out and newborn ds2. It was daunting and hard but manageable.

My dh was never in early enough for bedtime when the kids were v small so had 3 under 4 with one being new baby bf , no paternity leave (doubt he would have taken it anyway ) so on my own with bedtimes from week 1. It really isn't too hard. Pop ds1 in the bath while ds2 has a feed. Put baby down somewhere safe like a bouncy chair where he can see you whilst getting ds1 into pjs, then all climb into your bed for story time. (a treat because daddy is out ) feed ds2 while reading then time for sleep. If ds1 is the type of child you can pick up and move without waking then let him fall asleep in your bed. You said your dh will be working away on occasion, now is the time to have a trial run . Good luck x

YABU its one night and you are very lucky that he is normally home for bedtime anyway

I did wonder about letting DS1 come into bed with me, actually. I'm slightly jumpy, because up until a few months ago he would only co-sleep and we hired a sleep consultant to get him into his own bed. It worked brilliantly but I don't want to upset the apple cart and have him refusing his bed again!

I'll give it a go Knew there'd be some of you who do it on a regular basis to give me a slap.

last game before the play offs? is it rugby league then? (not a rugby expert but i am pretty sure rugby union starts about now and goes through the winter??)

if it was RU then i'd ask my dh to take a season off going every week. my ds cluster fed and coslept when small but by about 5/6mo i was able to put him in his cot at bedtime and leave him.

if it's RL and the end of the season then i'd be ok with him going just once. by the time next season comes round your ds2 will be much more settled in the evenings.

The first time you go it alone is always daunting!

But I think it's better when you know it's going to happen and can plan, rather than it being some 11th hour hold up meaning he's not back when he should be. And once done once, it's less scary if it happens again.

So if you go for it, I suggest you preposition your pyjamas/toothbrush in the bathroom you bathe the DC in. Bath as usual, hoick DC2 out, wrap in towel and leave on floor (still too small to be self-propelling). Ignore any indignant wails, whilst you clean your teeth and lightning change into PJs, whist keeping one eye on DC1. Remove DC1 from bath and get both somehow into their PJs.

Put DC1 to bed, and cuddle/feed DC2 whilst reading story.

Take DC2 to bed as usual.

(If you don't want to risk teeth/your PJs whilst one is still in the water, you could slip out briefly once DC2 settled).

Tell DH he owes you!

It is daunting, but do-able.

DH went to Africa for a fortnight when DS was 10 days old and DDs was 2.7. My approach to get through the evenings was to treat it like a military operation. Just get super organised, have everything you need laid out, including clothes and plan what you are going to do.

Have them in your room. I am sure if you describe it as a special treat because daddy is out it won't break the cycle. You can always move him back to his own bed once he is fast asleep.

Oh and DS is nearly 2 and DH still owes me for that trip.

Give it a go- you might surprise yourself :). My DP goes to a long-standing games night every week. I didn't stop him going after I had DD3 (our first child together) six months ago because in all honesty I didn't want to be the type of parent who couldn't manage their own children.

I've literally just got the knack of this after 5 months! I feed the baby in my arms while making up a story for the other one - he drifts off while his little brother is feeding. Then I sneak out and he falls asleep. Then I take the baby back downstairs until he has another mega feed and falls asleep - and then it's my bedtime too!

You can do it Besides, what's the absolute worst that can happen?

I wouldn't (not when you had to go the extremes of paying someone to get him out of doing that!!) put DS1 in your bed, no way. Just put DS1 to bed as normal and feed DS2 while you read to DS1.

I also wouldn't skip the bath, it's part of the routine and relaxing for both of them, it's perfectly do able!

Woman up

for later x

You really have made a rod for your own back, haven't you?
You have asked for advice, so here it is, but probably far too late.
Feed baby at 2pm, then 6pm.
Put him to bed in his own cot, in his own room and leave him.
Bath son, read him bedtime story, settle him and leave him,
Go downstairs, have something to eat, watch tv, fall asleep, whatever.
It worked perfectly well in the 70s, and I was a single parent with two children your age when my husband left me. I never had any trouble with bedtimes or sleepless nights unless they were ill; they both went happily to bed and stayed there.
Cluster feeding, co-sleeping, going to bed with your child because he will cry otherwise; I am sorry, but I think it is nonsense and exhausting for you.

so are you going to express and go out on friday night?

fabulous...

ps I had two... one the regulation 6x a day brilliant feeder and one we thought we would hire out to the bomb squad for training as she had a hair like trigger and you could not move her for well over half an hour... something to do with the way they sleep that changes as they grow.

ask him. he is their parent too. new born phase is tricky. will soon settle down. I mean after all being kind to each other is how things work and t would be kind of him to man up and look after his child until things settle..

I agree with PPs especially Goblin. My DH was away a lot (Navy) when children young...so effectively I was a single parent. So sorry, but YABU.

I would do this:

Stick DC1 in bath. While he plays give DC2 a quick dip. Get DC2 out and pop in towel, dry and pop in sleep suit.

Leave DC2 somewhere comfy and safe and get DC1 out. Dry DC1 quickly and get into pjs.

Go to DC1's room. Sit on his bed, read story for DC1 and feed DC2. DC1 could have sippy cup of milk too.

Then clean both DC's teeth and put him to bed. If DC2 needs more milk then just put DC1 to bed and take DC2 to your room for a longer feed.

It's daunting first time you do it alone but it's not that hard honest :)