To ask DH not to go to the rugby?

[ElphabaTheGreen]

DH has a rugby season ticket. Tonight is the last game before the play-offs. I don't begrudge him going - I like him to enjoy himself. However...

We have two DSs - 2.3yo and 5 weeks who is EBF. I could be being naff about this but I seriously have no idea how I could get them both to bed by myself as DS2 cluster feeds on and off from about 5pm until 8pm. Current routine - both boys go into the bath at 7pm. DH watches them while I chuck on pyjamas and brush my teeth. I get DS2 into his sleepsuit then into our darkened bedroom for more feeding then into his co-sleeper cot until we both fall asleep. If I don't stay with him while he falls asleep he wails. He can take quite a while of drifting in and out of sleep before he stays that way - around half an hour sometimes. While I do this, DH gets DS1 into his pyjamas, reads to him for 20-30 minutes in his room, then puts him to bed.

We don't have anyone to help in place of DH. DH does work away from time to time so the time will come when I'll have to get both boys to bed solo, but I'm just not keen to do it any earlier than I have to. DH will be understanding, if a bit grumpy, if I say he can't go to the game tonight.

AIBU to tell him not to go? Is there a magical way I haven't thought of to get a toddler and a newborn to bed at the same time??

Goblin,
For goodness sake, all kids are different. Some settle easier than others. It is not a great idea to only feed a breast fed 5 week old baby every four hours. For the baby or the mother.

I don't think you have to do it but it probably is good practice for when you have to IYSWIM.

I do wish people would remember two things; competitive misery is just a race to the bottom; all children and people really are different and it is impossible to compare the inside of your life to the outside of someone else's.

my kids are now older but getting the 3 of them to bed can take a while.If my husband is going out in the evening, the deal is that he gets the 2 youngest ready for bed before he leaves. They have been known to bath and get pj's on before evening meal (don't feed them spag bol after!) so all they need is story/cuddle. It is good to continue with outside interests like rugby to maintain sanity! Sounds like he is a pretty hands-on dad anyway. I would also encourage some type of a routine that gets you your evenings back rather than the cluster feeding/lying there whilst baby drops off as I have known friends who had to do this for years afterwards

A five week old baby with reflux and probable CMPI...four hours between feeds (as an adult, I eat/drink more frequently than that)...then leave him to scream in his own room Goblin? You know, SIDS rates were also a lot higher in the 70s as well... If not being barbaric to my child is a 'rod' then I shall beat myself happily and willingly, for as long as I need to.

For everyone else, thanks for the tips. I'll stop being a wuss and give it a go

Skip the bath and get a ready meal for yourself. Hope it goes ok

Can you cut the bath for one night? So DS1 into pjs, teeth and bed and then you sort the baby.

Do you go to bed at 8pm every night?

I was wondering that Wips

I liked the bath as it gave DC1 something to do while getting younger one ready. They don't bathe everyday though.

I had fifteen sets of twins and I left them all to scream in plastic bags while I held parties in the living room...

Seriously though, letting a 5 week old scream because you want to watch telly is not great parenting, whatever 70s mothers might think. Prioritising a quiet night over the needs of a tiny baby is madness.

If you really don't feel up to it, it's fine to ask DH not to go IMO. You had a baby just over a month ago, life is still settling down, now is not the time for rugby, it's the time to pull together until everything gets a bit easier (and it does, believe me).

I do my two every night, 2.7 and 9 weeks... The first time was daunting but it's really not that bad. Just stay calm and don't sweat the small stuff. This is our routine...

Both in the bath, older one gets out, wrap in towel, she goes and sits in her bed "reading" whilst I get baby into pyjamas.

Put baby down in bouncer/floor and get toddler into pjs, baby sometimes cries but only for a couple of mins.

Breastfeed whilst reading stories to toddler.

Take baby into our room and put in co sleeper. She will cry at this point which is not ideal but it's for 5 mins whilst I go and tuck toddler in and give her a kiss.

Kiss toddler, go back and breastfeed baby till she falls asleep.

Then dh comes home and cooks me dinner whilst I drink wine!

I'm putting a 2 year old and 6 week old to bed most nights solo now. Complicated slightly by the fact dd is still bf and ds cluster feeds from 6-9.

I do feed before bath, feed during ds bath, stories/story tape whilst feeding ds. All into dd room, ds in the bouncer chair, dd on my knee feeding. If ds cries I get him out and try to hold them both although dd is getting good at getting into bed and letting my cuddle and sing to her instead.

It's bloody hard when they both cry for boob at same time

Stick to DS1s routine and keep ds2 nearby in a bouncer or playmat or suchlike. Once ds1 is down, have some easy dinner and keep ds2 nearby. Both go to bed when you are ready.

I'd do this:

Give older child bath (or, in reality, probably skip bath altogether).

Get everyone ready for bed at the same time, including me.

Have everyone in my bed, for storytime. After stories, turn off light so older child can fall asleep. Feed baby in dark / MN on phone

When older child is asleep, and you have a break in feeding, move older child to own bed (or wait until DH comes in and get him to do it).

It's one night. Don't worry about breaking routines etc., and start thinking about how YOU are going to spend your night out...

Yeah, I go to bed at 8pm. DS2 is awake every 1-2 hours for a feed and DS1 is up at 6am without fail. I need all the sleep I can get!

I can't really advise as I bottle fed and so the nights were a lot easier, would you consider a bottle (formula or expressed) for the night time?

We put DS1 to bed at a regular time and then kept DS2 in the sitting room with us in a moses basket, great in that he got used to sleeping through a bit of noise (did this with DS1 as well and they're both fantastic sleepers!). Fed at 11ish and then once in the night and then in the morning. I went to bed about 10.30.

I know it's hard in the early stages!

No use for tonight but do you think DS1 would listen to story CD's (Thomas the Tank, etc.)?

My eldest was slightly older at 3.3y when DS2 was born, and I found it tricky reading and trying to breastfeed, so got some which helped.

No - it's not really advisable to give a bottle at night during this stage of BFing as night feeds are essential for building supply. I wouldn't give formula anyway (no point - producing my own for free ) but since we're pretty sure he's got CMPI, formula would make it worse, which would make nights worse for everyone (think: screaming and continuous pooing, which is finally starting to settle now I've cut dairy).

Presuming he is a Wigan fan I think you should ban him from going at all until he sees sense ;)

But seriously I would let him go, there are only a few more games left in the season anyway and then nothing until February. See how tonight goes then you can discuss the future of his season ticket if it's too much of a problem - although by feb all will be much older and routine better established hopefully

WhenDoISleep Story time is definitely gentle interactive bonding time for us so I wouldn't like using a CD and DS1 would probably be perplexed/upset by the loss of pre-bed cuddles, but great that it worked for you given your username

Warrington or St Helen's are we Sirzy?

St. Helens

Oh dear. Oh very dear.