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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be fed up of little girls chasing my "hot teacher" dp?

64 replies

Giraffinalaugh · 11/09/2014 07:50

My dp is a secondary school teacher and we've just moved house. A lot of the kids here go to his school and they continuously hang around outside our front gate. You would think someone out of one direction lived here. It's like the novelty will never wear off. It's been months and he's like a local celebrity. As soon as we drive into the road the kids start shouting his name and going all giddy. I can't fucking wait for winter to come when kids no longer "play out".

Yesterday they were hanging around our front gate and harassing him when he was carrying our son inside. So my dp took him up to bed and put him down, and then about 8.30 pm there's a knock at the door asking for him and if we want our car washing. I mean I'm fed up of it to no end but it's driving him insane. The front garden got no attention all summer because the one day he tried to do it there was a gang of year 8 girls there within seconds harassing him so he came inside thinking they might get bored but they never seem to. Why are so many teenage girls obsessed with him? It's driving me crazy!

OP posts:

CaptainFracasse · 11/09/2014 09:17

Well I don't agree it's harmless. Change 'a group of girls' with 'a group of boys' or 'a man' or'my Ex' staying in front if your house so much do that you can't get out of your car wo comments. Or you don't dare going Into your front garden.
You would automatically say that the best thing is to call the police..,

CaptainFracasse · 11/09/2014 09:20

The other issue is if one if those girls decides that he let her down by not answering etc and decides to get revenge.... Can you see how bad it could become??
Teenagers as other pp have said can be quite irrational in their behaviour when they are in loooove with their teacher.

BreadForBrains · 11/09/2014 09:20

I was just going to say, 3 members of my family are teachers and one a head, and none of them teach at a local school for those exact(ish) reasons. They want privacy, they want to be able to go to their local park with their own dc and not have children calling "Miss A", they want to go down their local pub and not bump into parents.
I think it's quite unusual for teachers to work so close to where they live, did you not discuss this before you moved? Sorry, that's not meant in an aggressive way, just wondering if privacy was something you had taken into consideration :)

Only1scoop · 11/09/2014 09:21

Yanbu....

I'd request he asks his head of year to have a word.

The 'one direction' but made me laugh though

AmberLav · 11/09/2014 09:33

Oh, we had loads of teachers that lived near our school, and we never hung around in their gardens! Seems a bit of a "blame the OP" for daring to live near the school!

But you must ensure that this is dealt with by the school asap, following formal procedures. Good luck!

WinifredTheLostDenver · 11/09/2014 09:35

They are harassing your family. They are old enough to be responsible for their actions. Please report to SMT at school.

CumberCookie · 11/09/2014 09:36

I think HOY too, maybe even head teacher. In the meantime he should be telling these girls to go home and that it is not acceptable. Forget "politeness", they should be told the impact their behaviour is having and that it is NOT acceptable.

ValerieTheVodkaFairy · 11/09/2014 09:48

YANBU, as others have said, this could have the potential to get a bit dodgy.

WinifredTheLostDenver · 11/09/2014 09:51

OP, the key issue is not whether one of the girls makes a false accusation, it is that you are being harassed.

If it was a group if teenage boys, you'd be being harassed too.

OwlCapone · 11/09/2014 09:55

Sounds to me like he quite likes being Mr rock star teacher and doesn't want to do anything about it.

What nonsense.

it's driving him insane

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 11/09/2014 09:57

HOY needs to be informed in writing of the problem and needs to be told exactly which girls are the problem. HOY then needs to have a word with each of them, and preferably also write a letter home to their parents saying the behaviour has to stop.

After that, if they continue, your DH needs to log with the PSCOs every time that they reappear.

I speak as someone whose childhood was pretty much wrecked by allegations made against a teacher in the family. Only after he had lost his job, been diagnosed with severe depression and and the family has been on the brink of homelessness did the little gang of girls admit to their parents that it was all a lie.

Think self-preservation.

WinifredTheLostDenver · 11/09/2014 10:00

Agree, owl, it's a horrible thing to say. Plus this problem has been going on less than a fortnight, given the recent move and recent start of term. Any wonder that they are still figuring out what to do?

littlesupersparks · 11/09/2014 10:02

Agree with all the others. I had a rose on valentines day from a student once (I'm now old and haggard ;-) ) - I flagged it up with hoy immediately - it's awkward but there needs to be a paper trail.

idontlikealdi · 11/09/2014 10:04

Not ok! This is why my husband can't go to the local gym and we don't shop on the local supermarket. Thankfully they don't know where we live...

Original poster

Giraffinalaugh · 11/09/2014 10:09

Whois
Sounds to me like he quite likes being Mr rock star teacher and doesn't want to do anything about it.

That's really not the case at all. It's awkward, and we both find it irritating, infuriating and a pain in the arse. He can't just nip back to the car to bring the shopping in or go and put the bins out without being harassed. They are very immature and it's been a very hot summer. We've had to be careful what we've said as Windows have been open all summer and they run down our path. They comment on what we have on TV if windows are open (house gets really hot). Last night he just wanted to relax in his awful Simpsons pyjamas but they were at the door. He likes it no more than I do.

I realise that some of you think it's our fault for living local to the school but the school is one of many high schools in the town. We live in a village so assumed we would be ok, but there are coincidentally lots of kids that attend said school and we are now village celebs. Not in a good way.

Thank you though for all of the positive comments will definitely be getting hoy involved I think dp was a bit embarrassed. Have even considered cctv on the house. Ugh just so fed up of it. And the litter on the front garden from them!

OP posts:

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 11/09/2014 10:12

CCTV might be an idea since you can actually prove that they are doing it.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 11/09/2014 10:13

Agree with all saying cover your backs immediately! It's not ok and by trying to ignore it your dh is exposing himself and his family to daily unpleasantness AND potentially terrible situations if the teenagers do step up their obsession. Even for the best of motivations, ignoring is not the right option here I'm afraid.

It needs to stop now. And your dh needs to make it official ASAP.

CoolCat2014 · 11/09/2014 10:14

Agree with others who say this should be discussed with the school ASAP. You need to protect his reputation.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 11/09/2014 10:17

Bloody hell, I didn't realise this is what teachers face!

Looking back when I was a kid I think I'd rather go to the dentist everyday than hang around outside any of my teacher's houses!

(...also had too much homework to do each night to hang around anywhere!)

Agree with other pps about taking this up with the school. My only contribution is your DH needs to start wearing sandals+socks combo...

jacks365 · 11/09/2014 10:19

Plus this problem has been going on less than a fortnight, given the recent move and recent start of term

The op states this has been going on for months. The op dh should have logged this with the smt as soon as it started.

CoolCat2014 · 11/09/2014 10:19

Just seen your latest post, sounds like a nightmare to me, so sorry for what you're going through :( you're being harassed, think you might need to talk to the police too.

We had a teacher from my school living on our road. Never batted an eyelid at them (was a lady mind). It's totally not your fault for living near the school. Teenage girls can be odd creatures, esp when it comes to random crushes.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/09/2014 10:21

My DH is a PE teacher at a secondary school and he's gorgeous!!! - even though I am biased

When I've been into the school I've seen all the girls looking at him, following him, giggling etc - it's quite cute.

However we live about 15 miles away from where he teaches so we definitely don't have your issue. It's one of the reasons he face for never teaching at a school in the area he lives in, that and the worry of seeing his 16 year old students in local pubs

You gave my sympathy, it sound awful. Something needs to be done to stop your DH's credibility as a teacher being undermined by just being viewed as the Eye Candy of the school.

He absolutely needs to speak to the Head Teacher, not only to alert him/her to the situation but also to find a way to tackle it before things get out if hand.

thicketofstars · 11/09/2014 10:22

Discuss it at once with senior staff and follow their guidance to the letter. If that doesn't resolve things, have your partner warn the girls that this is harassment. Last resort the police. These steps should all happen within days of each other to keep the momentum up.

I second other posters who have pointed out that it's not a trivial issue. It's really bad behavior from the girls and they need to know it's not acceptable. More than that though, they shouldn't have any information about your dp's private life; it could strengthen fantasies, start rumours and make downright lies sound a lot more credible. I'm surprised you've not taken action before, really. Completely unfair on your kids.

I was squatting in the ladies loos at the local cinema once and saw my ex's full name ('hot' teacher that he was) had been engraved in big letters on the door at eye level. Kinda funny, kinda not.

MidniteScribbler · 11/09/2014 10:30

Bloody hell, I didn't realise this is what teachers face!

I'm a primary teacher (and not young, hot and male!), so it's not as bad, but it amazes how many people don't realise boundaries between work and home for teaching staff. I've gone out for dinner and a student has been there with their family and they've let the child come over, perch herself at our table and prattle away for an hour, despite less than subtle hints to go back to her family. That was a first date for me, and the end of any chance of relationship with him. I've had parents allow their children to trail around behind me while I'm doing my shopping. I don't mind students coming to say hello, that's a natural response for young children, but after that, parents need to call their children back. I'm a teacher during school hours and events, outside of school I am not a free babysitting service.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 11/09/2014 10:34

Midnite That is awful, I can understand them saying hello, but parents using you as entertainment for their children, that just takes the piss.

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