To really hate OBEM USA?

VanGogh · 2014-09-11T00:02:03+00:00

Don't get me wrong, beautiful safe deliveries. Wonderful. I had OBEM set up to series record and now I see my magic box thing has recorded the USA series too. How different can labour and delivery be in two developed countries? All I seem to see is women on their backs, epidurals, "you can't deliver without your OBGYN" it seems so... So... Well, medical I guess. I dislike it. All I see is drips and close monitoring and beds. Why??? Please tell me I'm not alone?

Bulbasaur · 11/09/2014 01:14

As a mom in the USA, I very much liked my epidural. I got to relax and eat popsicles while I was dilating. Pushing was painless, and tearing minimal. I got a private room to rest in afterwards where the baby and DH could stay with me.

There's nothing wrong with a "medicalized" birth. You don't get a medal for choosing to be in pain the entire time. Once the baby is born, no one cares how you did it. You might as well do what makes you comfortable. There are all sorts of services in the US. The hospital I was at had water birth stations, where midwives stand by to make sure things go smooth.

A new life is being born, and that's beautiful with or without medical equipment. :)

Original poster

VanGogh · 11/09/2014 01:20

It's just so so different.

I guess I just perceive it as more "listen to the doctor" rather than listen to your body which is so so different.

It feels to me like women are less empowered.

However- Popsicles sound awesome!!!

OP posts:

steff13 · 11/09/2014 01:28

It's just what we're used to I think. I gave birth in a private suite, with an epidural (2 out of 3 times), with my doctor who I had seen throughout my pregnancy, who I've been seeing since I was 18. Having a monitor wasn't horrible or invasive. I had a massage while I was laboring. After the babies were born, I stayed in a private room for three days, and my husband was able to spend the night with me. I got to order nice food, and relax, and get to know my new babies. My experiences were all great. I wouldn't have wanted anything else.

People use midwives and have home births and stuff like that here. That's jut not what I chose.

steff13 · 11/09/2014 01:29

Ahh, I typed doctor next to who, and it made it a link to an Amazon Doctor Who page! How crazy is that?!

stopgap · 11/09/2014 01:30

I'm in the US (but an ex-pat) and most people honestly have no idea what a midwife is. I only know a handful of mothers who had vaginal births (mixture of medicated and non-medicated) and huge numbers of women who had emergency c-sections.

I was in the birthing centre of a hospital for my first birth, which was wonderful, but for the second birth I had gestational diabetes and had to be on a regular labour and delivery ward, which entailed constant heart rate monitoring, no walking around, a Pitocin drip etc. and a nurse who said I needed to get on the bed and "ready myself" to push. Thankfully my midwife is a battle axe, told the nurse to butt out and said I could push standing on my head if that's what I wanted.

Username12345 · 11/09/2014 01:31

I'm all for however a woman chooses to give birth.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/09/2014 01:34

What shocked me about the US OBEM was how many spectators there are! Sblings, parents, inlaws, the granny, all passing round popcorn and fudgcicles.

Like a theatre show!!

wobblyweebles · 11/09/2014 01:34

Since I moved to the US and met a lot of women who've given birth here, they generally seem much less unhappy with their experience than my British friends.

steff13 · 11/09/2014 01:34

Aw, now my doctor who link is gone. Sad.

I agree, give birth however you want.

I will agree with stopgap that I am one of the few women I know who hasn't had at least 1 c-section. I am not sure what the criteria is; it was never suggested to me. But, a lot of my friends had c-secs with their first babies, and went on to have VBAC with subsequent babies. I don't know anyone personally who has had an elective c-section (that I know of).

steff13 · 11/09/2014 01:38

What shocked me about the US OBEM was how many spectators there are! Sblings, parents, inlaws, the granny, all passing round popcorn and fudgcicles.

Oh, yeah, that is a thing for a lot of people here. I never had spectators in the delivery room when I was pushing, except my husband, but I had friends and family waiting in the waiting room to meet the baby, and people came in to visit while I was laboring.

stopgap · 11/09/2014 01:39

Steff13 same here. I had two fantastic, easy births with a midwife (even with the second one, when I had GD and was induced with Pitocin, and the midwife strived to make it as "natural" as possible), but I honestly feel that most women in the USgiven that emergency c-sections are so commonstruggle to have such a good experience with OBGYNs.

Bulbasaur · 11/09/2014 01:44

It feels to me like women are less empowered.

Not really though. I was given a long laundry list of what I could do for my birth, how I wanted it done, how I wanted them to handle the baby afterwards, etc. It was very detailed and every step was covered. I just chose the epidural because, I see no point in being in pain if I don't have to be. Also, the contractions before 4cm just about killed me because DD was facing my back or something weird.

Insurance allows you to choose your hospital, obgyn, and/or midwife. You can choose to have a scheduled CSEC or you can choose to give birth vaginally. I chose a midwife simply because their office got such good reviews, and I am glad I did. I had a fantastic and relaxing birth, and I did feel empowered because I got to decide how I wanted it done, and the midwives let me take the lead on my own birth experience. I never felt forced or pressured into anything.

Women in the US are given a ton of options. We just don't really value natural med free births here like other countries do.

LadyLuck10 · 11/09/2014 01:48

Op in my home country I've yet to know directly know a woman who hasn't given birth naturally. We all just have a CS. I was very surprised how different it is here and by how much people actually judge the choice of birth. A natural birth is in no way superior and who cares anyway.

steff13 · 11/09/2014 01:50

Not really though. I was given a long laundry list of what I could do for my birth, how I wanted it done, how I wanted them to handle the baby afterwards, etc. It was very detailed and every step was covered. I just chose the epidural because, I see no point in being in pain if I don't have to be.

I agree with this. My doctor and nurses didn't really control any aspect of my labors. They really just monitored my progress and kept me comfortable. I had lots of choices and options for myself and my baby.

steff13 · 11/09/2014 01:52

We all just have a CS. I was very surprised how different it is here and by how much people actually judge the choice of birth.

Everyone has a c-section? Do you mind saying which country? Here, a c-section is not seen by most people as the first choice, but it isn't really looked down on, either.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 11/09/2014 01:53

Fuck that.

I requested epidurals for all my 4 and got fobbed off every time.

Empowerment is about what the birthing woman wants not what is seen as fashionable or what you deem is natural or not op.

And what does your last comment mean? please tell me I
Not alone

Do you think your birth preferences are the right ones?

they are your choice that you are fully entitled to choose but others are fully entitled to reject too.

Pull down your judgy pants [grin{

LadyLuck10 · 11/09/2014 01:58

Meant to say who has given birth naturally.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 11/09/2014 01:58

What's an unnatural birth?

After 4 kids I really have no idea!

Does anyone?

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 11/09/2014 02:05

Steff your experience of birth sounds bloody great to me.

squoosh · 11/09/2014 02:07

Yes, the sheer amount of people in the room is the thing that strikes me. Loads of medical staff, parents, siblings, in-laws, probably their hairdresser and accountant too.

Far too hectic for me.

Shakshuka · 11/09/2014 02:10

I just had a baby in the us (expat). Haven't yet had a baby in the uk (although had some prenatal care) but it IS very different from what I hear from friends and watching obem

The hospital I used didn't have any midwives, only obs, and was very medicalised. I was induced and had a few issues so was on iv and monitored but I understood this was also routine. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink but ignored that one when the nurses were out the room :)

I was in early labour for a long time and asked the nurse for paracetamol. The nurse was shocked and said no one ever asked for that. I asked her what they gave and she said they usually go straight for the epidural! They don't do gas and air either. A few times the nurse said to me 'let me know when you want your epidural' as if it were totally obvious I'd have one.

On the plus side, when I did ask for it, the anaesthetist appeared within minutes and it was fantastic (first birth with a working epidural out of three births).

And the post natal ward was just fabulous. I loved it, it was like a hotel. My own en-suite room with bed for dh. Room service meals which you called for and ordered off a menu whenever you felt like it (with Haagen Dazs ice cream which every postpartum lady needs!). Loved it - could have stayed a week.

Swings and roundabouts. Yes, the birth was medicalised but I was treated with kindness and respect and never felt disempowered at all.

AveryJessup · 11/09/2014 02:13

I guess I just perceive it as more "listen to the doctor" rather than listen to your body which is so so different.

In the UK, in my experience, it was all about 'listen to the midwife and NICE guidelines', so no more 'listen to your body' than the USA really. And if your midwife's a total bitch whom you've never met before making snide comments about how much pain you're in / not in to stop you getting an epidural because it doesn't suit their hospital policy, then you're out of luck.

At least here in the USA, I have my OB-GYN that I have got to know through my pregnancy and who has promised she will do her best to deliver the baby too. No guarantees of course but at least she will try.

The reason the US is so medicalized compared to the UK is because of insurance liability, so the policy is to always minimize risk hence more monitoring, keeping women in bed, preference for C-sections etc. Forceps are almost never used either for that reason. My delivery in the UK was forceps even though I had expressly put in my birth plan that I didn't want that. I would probably have had a C-section if I had given birth in the USA and that would have been my preference. No-one in the NHS wanted to listen to me or respect my choices at all. It was just an attitude of 'this is our policy / process, take it or leave it'.

I have yet to give birth in the US (2 months to go!) but so far I like more of what I see here than what I saw in the UK. Women's choices are more respected. The attitude in the NHS is that they're all about the woman's 'choice' but the only real choice they respect is birth in a midwife-led unit with minimal pain relief. Great if that is your choice of course and you are very into natural birth but not so great otherwise.

On the other hand, I have friends here in the US who hate their system and the overmedicalization of birth and are envious when I tell them about the pro-natural birth policies in the UK, NCT etc. They think it sounds so much better - wasn't better for me though!

steff13 · 11/09/2014 02:15

Thebody, I can't speak for other hospitals, but the ones in my area are very focused on the birth experience. It was very nice all around.

Far too hectic for me.

The doctor and nurses (usually two, one for mom and one for baby), are not in the room most of the time, and the other people are purely at the woman's discretion. My nurse came in about once an hour or so, and the doctor when I began laboring and then when it was time to push. He might have stopped by one time in between.

Patienceisapparentlyavirtue · 11/09/2014 02:25

My sis had one here and one there and said her biggest shock was that well over half her friends had 'emergency' sections, surely they can't have such different pelvises? And their outcomes overall don't appear to be meaningfully better. Personally I wouldn't be cool with that.

No judgement on what people choose, but id hate to have my choice taken away - just as I resented my midwife here a bit who tried to convince me not to have my lovely lovely epidural.

Bulbasaur · 11/09/2014 02:26

The doctor and nurses (usually two, one for mom and one for baby), are not in the room most of the time, and the other people are purely at the woman's discretion

Yes, I had family visit while I was in labor, but only DH was in the room while I was pushing.

At the end though, there was a room full of people. A team for baby, and a team for me. Once it was established that everyone was alright, they left and we were allowed to invite people in at our discretion. But throughout the whole pushing, there was only the midwife and an assistant nurse.

They did have a few nurses come back in an hour later to weigh DD, give her a bath, do her second apgar test, and help out with establishing breast feeding.