To be hurt by the behaviour of these friends?

[WhoNeedsEnemies]

My DCs attend a fairly small village school, and there are a few mums there that I would class as close friends.

A year ago, an acquaintance of mine moved to this village and her kids started at the school too. Her kids found it hard to settle, and she said she felt horrible on the school run as she didn't know many mums, so I introduced her to my friends, and started to invite her and her kids on days out with us all, and to things like coffee at my house when my friends would be there. In a way she is quite a needy person and always has a lot of problems and conversations seem to revolve around her and her problems.

Shortly before the end of the school year in July, I felt as though my friends and this woman were being a bit offhand with me. I wasn't sure if I was being a bit paranoid, although I'm not generally a paranoid person. It was little things such as they would all be standing together talking at the school and when I arrived they'd stop, and I'd sense an atmosphere. And all but one cancelled coming out for a meal for my birthday, when normally whenever it's anyone's birthday we all go for a night out. They all seemed a bit vague with their reasons. They also all seemed a bit reluctant to meet up with me during the summer holidays. I met up with them a couple of times but they all seemed to be busier than normal. However I took it at face value, and thought perhaps they were all busy and just did other things.

This morning I did the school run as normal. I dropped my DCs off and two of my friends plus the 'new' woman were all standing outside the school talking. I walked up to them and chatted. Normally we all walk home in the same direction. The new woman said this morning that she wasn't walking back in my direction today as she was going to the shop. The other two then both said that they had to go to the shop too. One of them then said that they'd better get a move on as they had a busy morning, and the other two agreed that they had to get a move on too, and off they all went, and I walked in the opposite direction. None of them are normally in a hurry, they usually want to stand and chat for ages each day.

About an hour later I went out in the car, and drove past the school, only to see all three of them standing at the opposite side of the school, none with bags from the shop, and as if they'd all simply walked around the corner from the school to get rid of me, and carried on talking! I waved at them as I drove past but they all looked at me but didn't smile or wave.

I know it all sounds really childish but I am now convinced that they hate me for some reason, and that something is going on, and I feel really upset. I don't tend to fall out with people, and generally get on with everyone, and I hate bad feelings and atmospheres. I guess I am going to have to talk to one of them about it to see what's going on, but I don't want to appear paranoid.

I never thought I'd say that but I agree with you mutter. I never had any real issues with friendships till my early 40 s and the school run! My friend who lives in a different part of the country is the same!! Xx

I completely agree notoonething .

Bloody hell, there are some unsympathetic people on here this morning! Some of whom clearly never have observed a Wendy in action. They do actually lie, you know: the world isn't populated only by reasonable people! OP, it's horrible when this happens and I can imagine how you felt when you saw them all lurking round the corner like a bunch of sneaky schoolgirls.

In a small village it's not so easy to "just avoid" people - and, worse, social wars spread like forest fires. In your case it might be worth trying either Ingrid's confrontational approach or a bit of counter-manipulation. When it comes to the crunch you've nothing to lose if you fail, but could restore order if you manage to out-Wendy Wendy!

for you.

How's it going OP? Have you decided to confront or disengage? I think I'd do the latter. The friends who have been influenced have proved themselves lacking.

I thinks pull find whatever you ask or say will be feeding their problem with you. And youll only put yourself through a massive stress.

I find being distant but smiley, happy and polite kills these kind of people! They can't handle that you're not a wreck since they froze you out.

YANBU but you are better off without these women if they are so mean. You deserve better and you will find better. I had never heard of the term 'wendied' before but it does make sense. The 'wendy' is insecure and is jealous of your friendships so she is freezing you out and taking your place. You could try asking the woman who came to your birthday dinner but she may not be honest or her answer may hurt you more than you're hurting at the moment. I hope you feel better soon and realise that you are too good for these people and it is their loss to have lost such a nice friend

I think it was MrsMangell who decided to use Wendy in her post to ID the friend she introduced to the group.