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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to shake DH warmly by the throat?

67 replies

Newbeee · 08/09/2014 19:21

I'm in my 3rd trimester now. Still working full time - planning to do so up to my due date - & doing my best to carry on as normal. Yes I know - I'm a frickin hero.Wink

Recently diagnosed with sciatica, SPD and anaemia, feeling quite run down, difficulty sleeping - nothing unusual I know, but basically I'm really starting to feel it.

DH is being....less than supportive... Told him I needed him to take on food shopping as am having to do two trips into town on a Sat as can't carry it all any more, but feet and SPD mean walking is getting problematic. His response: 'Can't you just do several trips per week?' After midwife appointment today, during which my anaemia was confirmed, he was genuinely put out that I wanted a lift home as he wanted to head back to work & taking me home would leave him in a high traffic area. This is after I was left with swollen painful feet from a short walk around town at the weekend. He doesn't seem to get that when I ask him for help I'm not being lazy, I genuinely need help! Work & my family are being really supportive, encouraging me to rest & making sure I don't lift etc. Meanwhile at home my DH is bargaining with me so that he'll only have to carry half the recycling down two flights of stairs - 'Surely you can manage the paper..?'

Exactly how pregnant do I have to be to get a little support around here?

OP posts:
BigPawsBrown · 08/09/2014 19:23

Why are you having a baby with somebody who doesn't support you when you need it?

HeartShapedBox · 08/09/2014 19:32

this would really irritate me-

tell him o get his head out his arse and stop being so selfish.

HeartShapedBox · 08/09/2014 19:33

*to

Electriclaundryland · 08/09/2014 19:33

What Paws said!

Read him the riot act. What a knob! And get your shopping delivered.

Rhianna1980 · 08/09/2014 19:35

I know this won't solve the problem with your partner, but we have a 3 months subscription for unlimited deliveries from asda. Best thing I bought since I got pregnant and for post delivery . I pay around £15 for 3 months - minimum spend is £40. Delivered to my door Wink

Sparkletastic · 08/09/2014 19:37

Jesus if he's being this shit before the baby arrives how useless will he be afterwards??

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/09/2014 19:37

He doesn't do the recycling or the sopping. Please tell me he does all the housework and cooking...

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/09/2014 19:37

*shopping!

ShatnersBassoon · 08/09/2014 19:40

He's being a grade A arsehole. Is he usually unhelpful, or is the pregnancy bringing out the panicky idiot in him?

Get your shopping delivered, by the way, and work out which cab company is reliable for future trips.

KnackeredMuchly · 08/09/2014 19:41

Hang on, he has a car and can drive to the supermarket but he thinks it's more reasonable to get his heavily pregnant with with complications WALK to go and get the shopping and carry it back?

Fuck.that.shit.

redexpat · 08/09/2014 19:45

We had heated words on Saturday night. I'm 30wks, in fulltime education, with no additional pregnancy prolems, just tiredness. I asked for acknowledgement, and he just went defensive and said it's not my fault I have to do xyz! I didnt say it was your fault, I asked you to acknowledge that when you do xyz it impacts on me because then I have to do abc without any help from you, and I am physically less able to do. He got huffy. I started sobbing. I sobbed some more, and more and more.

Got home from uni today to find all the clean washing had been put away, there was a load in the tumble drier and in the washing machine, dinner was being made, and the sheets on the bed had been changed.

So instead of wringing his neck, I recommend sobbing.

Anniegetyourgun · 08/09/2014 19:47

If the sobbing doesn't work, THEN scrag the bastard.

MrsWinnibago · 08/09/2014 21:31

Shock why isn't HE doing the fucking shopping!? WHY are you letting him act this way? And being a martyr to him?

Hassled · 08/09/2014 21:34

Have you sat him down and talked properly about how rubbish you're feeling and how he needs to do X, Y and Z to help you? Does he just need the bleeding obvious pointing out to him? I'm assuming you have. He just sounds like a wanker - I'm sorry. And this will only feel worse when you're out of your mind with exhaustion and a newborn baby.

Vitalstatistix · 08/09/2014 21:36

bloody hell. It's to be hoped you never get a serious illness or disease cos I think you're on your own, pal!

Doesn't he want to make things a little easier for you? Or is it always just that nothing must put him to any trouble?

Good luck with the night feeds, the waking, the settling, having a shit in peace...

I think you should sit down with him and spell it out clearly. If he's a decent guy (and I'm sure he is or you wouldn't be with him) he will have a lightbulb moment and realise what a massive massive tool he is being.

ThatBloodyWoman · 08/09/2014 21:38

He's being a shit.
He needs sorting now so he pulls his weight when your baby arrives.
Ffs has he no shame

PiperIsOrange · 08/09/2014 21:39

I think you should really think about going on maternity leave sooner, it seems like you are struggling.

Your 'D'h is a twat, he should be supporting you and making life easier not more difficult.

whois · 08/09/2014 21:39

Um, he sounds really horrible. 'Cant you just do more trips' wow. You need to have a Serious Talk before the baby arrives.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 08/09/2014 21:46

This goes beyond being unsupportive, he is asking you to do things that you shouldn't be doing. I'm gonna assume you have discussed this with him. If not why not?

BlackeyedSusan · 08/09/2014 21:49

quite frankly if h had suggested more trips his ears would have been ringing for a long while after. I am not good when hormonal and in pain. not the right way to deal with it at all...

get advice from the less volatile posters... his bahaviour is not acceptable.

EggsAreRound · 08/09/2014 21:52

Jesus if he's being this shit before the baby arrives how useless will he be afterwards??

This.

melonribena · 08/09/2014 21:56

Why doesn't he do the shopping? Or the at the very least, you go together in the car.

You shouldn't be carrying anything and he shouldn't let you.

If you need shopping, just get found for yourself and tell him he needs to sort himself out. You are looking after yourself and the baby.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 08/09/2014 21:57

Jesus wept.

Was he this much of a twat before you got pregnant?

Life is too short, he'd be gone. I'd sooner do it alone than be having a baby with someone this nasty and selfish.

BiscuitMillionaire · 08/09/2014 21:57

It's possible he doesn't quite 'get it' - in which case you need to sit him down and be very clear about how much pain you're in and how exhausted the anaemia makes you, etc.

Alternatively, he does get it, but doesn't really care, because he's a selfish shit. In which case you have bigger problems...

TeWiSavesTheDay · 08/09/2014 21:58

She far, he sounds like an arsehole.

What does he do around the house that means he thinks it's totally acceptable for his wife with health problems to CARRY the shopping home even though he has a car??

I don't know if you're getting just how shockingly mean he's being to you, but he really, really is.

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