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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how you decide where to spend Christmas?

88 replies

StuntNun · 07/09/2014 10:57

DH wants to spend Christmas with his parents who live locally, I want to spend Christmas with my parents who we would have to fly to visit. How does everyone else decide where they are going to spend Christmas when there is a difference of opinion?

OP posts:
CarpetBagger · 08/09/2014 12:25

without QUESTION go to your poor parents.

lampy sounds devine, where would you go in swizterland. Dreaming of spending xmas skiing one year.

CarpetBagger · 08/09/2014 12:28
  • His parents have a massive house so he can't get on with the idea of everyone cramming in together (my younger two DSs were sharing a room with my mum but they had their own bed and cot

wow, he cant cope with it even for a few days? I believe even Michael Douglas used to kip on Cathernines folks sofa bed in the early days?

The attitude that my parents house was too small would really put me off someone tbh.

Its a week or so. How horrible.

ikeaismylocal · 08/09/2014 14:16

We live in dp's home country so part of the deal is we always spend Christmas with my family as we celebrate every other special day with his family and how his culture celebrates.

This year we won't go to see my family as dc2 will be only a couple of weeks old and 2012 we didn't go as dc1 was only a couple of days old, but other than that we see my family in the uk.

waitingforthegroundtoopen · 08/09/2014 15:51

When we were first married we spent christmas with ils as my parents had to work over christmas. When they changed jobs we took turns for a couple of years until it became the only time my nan was able to visit the whole year, as it's the only time mum, aunty and aunty's partner can all have time off at the same time to get her up and down. Dh tried one chirstmas alone at ils but missed me and came home straight after lunch. We've always spent nye and nyd with ils.

Since dd was born things have changed a bit. My nan isn't always reliably able to travle, even if someone goes to pick her up, and my younger sister is living with her boyfriend and will change plans at the last minute. Parents live accross the road so me and mum share the cooking and my parents, sister and boyfriend, and nan eat at ours. This is likely to be what happens for the forseeable future as it would be very likely my parents end up alone if we didn't invite them over.

Mil was devestated when we said we wanted to stay at home after dd was born, only 6 weeks old for her first christmas. We had ils round for christmas cake in the afternoon so they could see her first christmas too. She still has a houseful ar christmas, youngest still at home and middle son not yet attached to anyone as well as her fil and mother craming in every year. Realstically they don't have space for us and out tear away toddler. But last year saw them on the 27th when buses were running again for a second christmas dinner. Mil has offered to do that again this year so hoping it will become a tradition from now on.

This year my christmas present is having the dining room and the living room back; dh is getting rid of the 9ft pool table taking up the living room. I hope this means we might actually have the space to accomindate ils and my parents in the future. Although I have a feeling the invite will probably never to accepted based on mil's comments when she caught me measuring to see if two tables will fit in the living room. I think the general idea of her rant about never needing two tables was that she's always going to spend christmas at home!

Sorting this all out did mean I just had to make plans and tell the ils who assume we'll all be up every year. Dh doesn't realsies it's christmas until there are presents to open and the alarm goes off for him to put the turkey in the oven while dd and I are at church. He really doesn't care where we spend christmas as long as he gets to watch doctor who in peace, something his only ever managed to do at home!

GooseyLoosey · 08/09/2014 15:54

No decision. We always spend it at home. Everyone is invited and if they come, that's great. If they don't, that's fine too.

When I was a child, I hated Christmases that weren't at home so I determined that mine would always get to spend Christmas morning at home.

somewherewest · 08/09/2014 17:31

We spend it at home, just the three of us (four of us from this year on) and do the visiting either side of Christmas. Its fecking brilliant!

OnlyLovers · 08/09/2014 17:36

Take turns?

Personally though I like to piss off out of the country if possible. Grin

Cheepypeepy · 08/09/2014 19:07

sounds like bigger problems than x-mas :(

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/09/2014 19:26

We take turns. Which is sometimes hard. Thankfully, both sides of the family are a little challenging, as in your case. Unlike your case, DH and I both acknowledge out families' foibles and suck it up when it's our turn.

Honestly, your DH sounds as if he puts his happiness well above yours. Is he like this with everything?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/09/2014 19:48

We spend christmas at home now we have Dcs.
Everyone likes to think their Christmas is the right one, the best one.

But our situation is not like yours. I don't want to spend Christmas anywhere else. My Dh doesn't either. But in your situation I would be very upset with my Dh if he was behaving as you describe yours to be. It is selfish of him to insist on his way every year, to obstruct you and your children from having a Christmas with your parents. And its unkind and rude to be so difficult about staying with your paretns because their home is smaller than his parents.

I have removed your DH from my Christmas card list over this matter.

In your position i would seriously consider going to my parents' with the kids without the miserable scrooge.

FinnsMum19 · 08/09/2014 20:03

At home. Whoever would like to visit us is welcome to do so, but I'm not taking my 4yo away from his home and his presents to go out visiting on Xmas day x

FinnsMum19 · 08/09/2014 20:12

I think you should go to your parents. Your DH is being very selfish. If you absolutely can't go for Xmas, and I'd seriously consider going alone if you have to, then go on Boxing Day. Your poor parents, they obviously would love to have you over Xmas and have gone to the effort of extending their home to accommodate this. If your DH can't put himself out for a few days then I'd bloody leave him to it.

CrapBag · 08/09/2014 20:25

We go to my family every year.

ILs have never invited us for the actual day. I suspect MIL much preferred it just her and SFILso she didn't have to have his children and she couldn't see anything outside the bubble of the two of them. Now he has left her, tough shit, we are carrying on as we always have done and spending it with the people who want to see us and have always made an effort.

In your situation, I would absolutely say that you and the children are going to your parents and you hope that he wants to be with his children for Christmas.

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