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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can I ask those of you who would refuse a male nurse

119 replies

Thefishewife · 06/09/2014 19:26

Just wanted to know really why those who would refuse a male nurse would at the same time accpect a male

Athisisitst
Surgon
Surb nurse
Jr doctor
Odp

Afte much chat about this on here I was telling oh about this who is a male nurse and he told me about a lady who didn't want a male nurse as which is her right but then went on to be examined by the male jr doctor and then the male consultant and operated on her and quite frankly saw more the oh ever would as he just wanted to take obs the scrub nurse was male saw also saw the lady half naked I would imagin

It wasn't a emergancy op btw

I just have always found this very very strange

OP posts:

BestIsWest · 06/09/2014 21:55

I had a male midwife stitch me up after DDs birth ( he did an excellent job) and I've had my bum wiped by a male HCA when I was in hospital after an accident (he was lovely - it was a female HCa who made me cry when she did it). I had a student doctor watch DS being born - it was the first birth he'd seen. Frankly in all these situations I couldn't have cared less if the Grimethorpe Colliery band was in attendance.

However when it comes to actually discussing intimate matters I have often requested a female nurse or doctor. I'm not actually sure why myself.

But as previous posters have said the patient must be comfortable and should be accommodated within reason.

TheBogQueen · 06/09/2014 21:56

I think maybe nurses put up with a lot of casual sexism. I used to catch myself referring to nurses as 'she' and drs as 'he'

mineofuselessinformation · 06/09/2014 22:04

The only time I have ever felt remotely uncomfortable about having a male help me was after a gynae OP. I was in recovery, barely conscious and the male nurse looked at my pad to see how much I was bleeding.
OTOH, the female nurse who ripped the vaginal packing out after my hysterectomy might like to consider that making someone scream and nearly pass out is not good patient care.

LadyLuck10 · 06/09/2014 22:08

I think for me it's more like if I have to then I'm ok with a male doctor, surgeon etc. If I have a choice then I don't really have to so prefer a female nurse. I don't really want a male up close and personal if I have a choice not to.

MyFairyKing · 06/09/2014 22:37

In my experience, male HCPs have even far more caring and sensitive when undertaking intimate tasks than females which has obviously swayed my opinion.

gingerbreadroll · 06/09/2014 22:38

I'm a rape survivor and would potentially feel more able to request a change of nurse than a change of doctor.

That said, the few male nurses I have encountered have been outstandingly kind, gentle and respectful.

Annarose2014 · 06/09/2014 22:54

I'm a nurse & one of my best mates is a male nurse.

He doesn't get a problem doing personal care (i.e. Wiping Bums & doing washes), but he regularly gets refused when catherising. He asks if they are OK with him doing it, and about a quarter of the time they'll apologetically say yes. He says no problem at all, and gets someone else.

I think it bothers him at times as it makes him feel like they're looking at him as a potential creep rather than the very efficient professional he is. But he never, ever is insensitive about it. He just doesn't enjoy being treated differently to his female colleagues, thats all.

The only time I really saw him upset was when he was refused permission to attend a birth. He thought that was pretty depressing, when the doctor was male, amd there was a female midwife there. All he was going to be doing was holding a leg. He felt singled out, and embarressed.

gingerbreadroll · 06/09/2014 22:56

The male doctor was presumably not holding a leg.

That would be a no no for me.

Annarose2014 · 06/09/2014 22:58

Exactly! So why not ask for a female gynae to be the one rooting around, but ask the male nurse to leave?

That bothered him.

trappedinsuburbia · 06/09/2014 23:02

I really dont care, i find male hcp more understanding to lady stuff. I was referred by my gp to a 'special lady physio' after my last birth, my special lady physio is a male who wouldnt look out of place on a rugby pitch and he's bloody brilliant.

PicandMinx · 06/09/2014 23:06

Anna - your nurse friend is making the refusal all about him. Why does he think it is ok to step in at the final moments of a birth and hold a leg? He has no relationship with the woman. He will probably not even speak to her. Why should she expose herself to him? His attitude is exactly why some women don't want to engage with male HCP. I'm shocked to even think that he had the right to ask, especially when the woman would be in a vulnerable position and may have found it difficult to say no. I'm glad she refused.

gingerbreadroll · 06/09/2014 23:10

Agree with PicandMix. You totally misunderstood my post - I was saying it was reasonable for him to be refused, not vice versa.

Me624 · 06/09/2014 23:16

I would have absolutely no issue with male nurses, midwives or doctors doing anything to me. Luckily I've only had to have two "intimate" procedures so far - one was a female nurse, the other was a male doctor - makes no difference to me. I'm with Annarose - can't understand why a woman would be happy with a male doctor at the business end but not with a male nurse holding her leg.

Annarose2014 · 06/09/2014 23:16

Nurses have to be trained in different specialities. He had to do a few weeks in Midwifery. Thats why he was there - he was expected to assist the main Midwife with all the births that day. He was going to be there throughout the entire active labour, so not sure where you got the idea he was popping up at the end and shouting "SUPRISE!" He wasn't just bouncing around the hospital looking for women to traumatise, FFS.

He asked her if she was ok with his involvement - she said no. She however seemingly had no problem with the male Gynae Reg.

Annarose2014 · 06/09/2014 23:18

And "he will probably not even speak to her"???

You've met some odd nurses.

PiperIsOrange · 06/09/2014 23:21

Annarose it could of been that the women wanted as less people in the room as possible.

There was no need medically for him to be there, it could be the fact that even as a female nurse the women may not have wanted another person to see her fanjo.

PicandMinx · 06/09/2014 23:22

The Gynae Reg and the MW had a job to do. Your friend would have been an observer. Giving birth is not a spectator sport.

jaundicedoutlook · 06/09/2014 23:28

I had (briefly) a male midwife whilst being assessed for admission with my 2nd, and he had MASSIVE HANDS, like a goalkeeper. Luckily waters broke and I was straight into delivery ward, otherwise I was starting to feel a bit panicked about the prospect...

Annarose2014 · 06/09/2014 23:51

Yeah but no, as I was the one who had to swap with him.

Whatever. She had a right to do whatever she wanted. The implication however that male nurses shouldn't even have feelings, is odd to me.

CKDexterHaven · 06/09/2014 23:58

I think we should respect people's personal physical boundaries. I've seen many jobs advertised where someone wants a male carer to take care of a male disabled person. This isn't discrimination, it is perfectly understandable that someone would feel more comfortable and dignified with someone of their own sex in intimate situations.

An elderly lady I know was given a bed-bath by two male HCAs recently. She was very ill and didn't feel she could complain but she was humiliated and distressed by the incident and her relatives found her in tears why they arrived to visit her.

PicandMinx · 07/09/2014 00:00

So Anna, can I assume you were a student nurse? If so, what role did you play in the birth? Did you "just" observe?

GeraldineFangedVagine · 07/09/2014 00:09

I am a female scrub nurse and can honestly say that the most important thing for me is maintaining the dignity and comfort of patients coming to theatre. If a male patient requested that I didn't scrub for his case I would be in no way offended and would do my utmost to ensure I minimised his stress during a frightening time. In emergency situations it may be difficult to cater to every persons preference but wherever possible we will try and respect a persons wishes. There tend to be a lot of male nurses and ODPs in theatres so it happens more often than you would think.

Annarose2014 · 07/09/2014 00:20

Oh lord, PicandMix as if I'm going to go into the entire details of this womans birth and my role throughout the two hours I was in the room. Just for you - when I don't even know what point you're trying to make. He was trying to perform the role required of him by the hospital, thats it.

PicandMinx · 07/09/2014 00:25

Just interested - in a similar situation when I was a student nurse, I was only allowed to hold her hand.

IPityThePontipines · 07/09/2014 00:50

I am Muslim, but to be honest I don't think my preferences differ from many. For standard women's health issues (smear tests, post natal checks), I would like to be seen by a woman.

I wouldn't like a male midwife, tbh, even if I wasn't Muslim, I still think I would prefer a female midwife. But I hope to never be in need of a midwife again, anyway.

When in hospital, I accept that medic wise you get seen by whoever's available.

I wouldn't mind a male nurse attending to clinical care, but for bed baths, I would definitely prefer a woman.

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