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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be absolutely fucking fuming with my neighbour?

174 replies

SignYourNameInBrownAndFlame · 05/09/2014 07:46

Since the weekend there has been a woman sleeping rough in the private parking area behind our house. Part of it is made up of some open-sided but covered spaces, like a big carport, and she has tucked herself up into the corner of the covered bit.

Now rightly or wrongly, since we noticed she'd started sleeping there, my DH and I have been buying her the odd meal if she's there when we go/from our garage. She spends most of her time asleep and we just leave eg a sandwich, a piece of fruit and a drink in a bag next to her for her to find when she wakes up. She doesnt seem to have any warm clothing and the nights are getting a bit nippy now so last night I covered her over with a coat I was about to take to the charity shop. My DH caught her awake yesterday and had a chat with her, and tried to persuade her to go to a hostel - again, rightly or wrongly we both feel she's more vulnerable as a woman sleeping on the street.

I've just come back from walking the dog and bumped into my next door neighbour who boasted that he's been round there with his hosepipe at full stretch and blasted her with the power jet to "get her to move on". I told him I thought that was a horrible thing to do, she's a human being and there but for the grace of God go any of us. I've been round to see if I can find her to make sure she's okay but unsurprisingly she's gone.

I am shaking with rage. How can anyone think this is an acceptable way to treat a vulnerable person - any person?

I don't actually think I'm BU, I just needed to vent.

OP posts:
Gingermum · 05/09/2014 14:19

This presumption that homeless people are invariably 'drug addicts' is a way for people to feel better about not handing over money, and I agree with backbystealth that giving them some food or a bit of kindness isn't enabling. It's amazing how often you hear the self-righteous bleat of: 'Don't give them money, they'll just spend it on drugs.'

If you're really torn, then give Shelter a small, regular donation. They do sterling work.

Lottieismydog · 05/09/2014 14:22

How awful, you have shown her some kindness and then another person behaves in such an awful way. As others have said you could call your local Shelter, or church (some have contacts with hostels and soup kitchens etc) to ask that they look out for her. You don't say whether you live in city or town or village, but in our small town police community support officers would also help find the person and support them if they could. Good luck
, I am sure your reaction will have made your neighbour reflect on his actions too.

Topsycurvy · 05/09/2014 14:22

"Maybe we were foolish. But I'd rather be a kind fool than a clever arsehole."

Yep, me too. Well done OP, I echo the sentiment of a previous poster - the world needs more people like you and your DH Thanks.

Sazzle41 · 05/09/2014 14:24

There was a documentary a while back that stated according to homeless charities around 86%of those on the street left abusive homes while under 18 as the street was better than the abuse or, they were there due to mental health problems. I work in London and rang a charity re a boy who was around 15 sleeping rough by our offices hot air vent - my coworkers and i used to buy him hot choc and sandwiches. His eyes were so sad it made me want to cry. I didnt see him after that so assume they foundhim and helped.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2014 14:27

Oh bless you and your DH.
Hopefully karma will bite your neighbour on the arse very soon!

Curlyweasel · 05/09/2014 14:29

find a homeless to hose off RIGHT NOW Grin

They used to do this hosing down thing to rough sleepers in London - but only in the winter obviously. And in Russia, they'd round up street homeless, drive them to a spot hundreds and hundreds of miles away from any city or town, and leave them. Many died. Seems reasonable Hmm

Eleanor02 · 05/09/2014 14:30

Yes, Police - I'm sure they'll understand if you say that you had rather not identify the assailant on this occasion. They may keep a look out. Local A and E in case she turns up? You'd have some background information for them. And the local homeless shelter - unless there are loads - again, background information.

The woman (who, you're right, could be anyone of us ...) will remember your kindness - that will be a source of strength to her.

Unlikely she'll be back, but could you put a blanket/towel - any spare clothing just in case she is, albeit fleetingly. She may be drawn back, however briefly, to somewhere where she was clearly cared for.

Most certainly, YANBU. Hope all goes well -

Woozlebear · 05/09/2014 14:31

My eyebrows nearly left my head when I read the hose bit!

What an absolutely vile vile man.

The poor woman! Already cold and hungry and alone and scared and then soaked and even colder with nowhere to dry off and nothing to change into. What a fucking prick. Hmm Hmm Hmm

Curlyweasel · 05/09/2014 14:32

And then there are the hundreds ex-forces homeless... and those with mental health problems, those who have been abused and so on and so on... not that it matters - bloody druggies the lot of 'em. HOSE THEM DOWN right? Sheesh.

Shockers · 05/09/2014 14:36

Do you think he actually did? It would take a hard faced person to actually do that, even if it was something they'd thought of.

I agree that someone (police or someone from a shelter) need to be told so that they can look out for her and help her get dried out... it's not like she could take her stuff off and hang it out is it?

If he did actually do it, and that wasn't false 'bravado' then he's an arse of the highest order and I would (straight faced and 'impartially') be telling everyone what he'd done so that they can form their own opinion on his actions.

Itsfab · 05/09/2014 14:39

You did lots of lovely things for that lady [flower]. Your husband too Wine.

Your neighbour is an abusive arsehole Angry but please report him. You should never give in to, or keep quiet, about bullying, assault etc. Big cheese or not. Fucker.

Gruntfuttock · 05/09/2014 14:40

The last few posters, the OP updated at 13:24:34 and I don't think you can have seen it.

LiberalLibertines · 05/09/2014 14:41

There's been an update folks.

Ops dh found the woman, and called shelter.

The arse wipe did indeed hose her down. The twat.

Jaffa just for future ref, if whois agrees with you, you're fucked.

Tipsykisses · 05/09/2014 14:56

This is so upsetting Confused

You & your Dh have been very kind to this poor soul & then some arsehole does that !!

There are homeless organisations who are mainly volunteers all around the uk who regularly go out with food & drinks for the homeless & try to help in anyway they can , be it with clothing , sleeping bags or accommodation etc if they want it .

I support our local one but I've not had chance to read the thread to see which area you are ?

You are right in saying a woman on the street is much more vulnerable so I really hope you can manage to find the organisation of local volunteers in your area , they will keep a look out & help this poor woman .

Tipsykisses · 05/09/2014 14:58

Oh ligerallibertines that's great news !
Hopefully she will now get the help she needs !

Gruntfuttock · 05/09/2014 15:01

He called the Salvation Army:- "He did some ringing around on her behalf and has got her an appointment with the Salvation Army at one of their 'lighthouses', as apparently they call their hostels, this afternoon. So I hope that can maybe get her a bed and/or some specialist knowledgeable help."

dawndonnaagain · 05/09/2014 15:57

ThanksOP and your DH.

V V V to the cunt of a neighbour.

CeliaFate · 05/09/2014 16:02

Your neighbour is a prick. Who does that to another human being? I wouldn't think of it. What an idiot.

flippinada · 05/09/2014 16:09

Signyourname I wish there were more people like you and your DH in the world, and a lot less like your disgusting neighbour.

lljkk · 05/09/2014 16:12

You did good, OP.

BlueLaceAgate · 05/09/2014 16:38

One of my sons had a psychotic breakdown. He was missing for some time. Eventually one of his sisters tracked him down, via social media. He was living rough far from home. It was mid winter too.

He wasn't taking drugs or drinking. A friend committed suicide and another was killed. He felt a totally misplaced responsibility and just broke down.

We were so afraid because we knew how vulnerable he was. Thank goodness no-one saw fit to hose him down or worse.

Thank you for your kindness OP. This woman could be any of us or someone we love.

My son now has his own home with all his family around him. We all give him the support he needs and he is the best uncle to his little nieces and nephews. My blood runs cold to think that people could have looked at my poor, sick boy and just seen a threat to their homes and families.

cardamomginger · 05/09/2014 16:44

Report him to the police. I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to do that to someone, regardless of their housing situation.

What a fucking arse.

femin · 05/09/2014 16:46

And someone who is addicted to drugs does not sleep all day. It is far more likely that she only felt safe sleeping during the day, and as soon as it got a bit later wanted to be alert so she could protect herself.

HallowedVera · 05/09/2014 16:56

I can't believe you're going to let your neighbour get away with a criminal assault on a vulnerable woman.

I'd shop him and let him get arrested. IMO that's borderline psychopathic behaviour. He didn't see her as a human being.

What if he'd kicked her? Would you still not have given his name to the police?

So what if he bad mouths you to the landlady. I hate the thought of nothing happening to him and him feeling like he was right and justified to degrade this poor woman.

crazylady321 · 05/09/2014 16:59

I would turn one on him the misrable old crank... We had travellers park up for 2 nights near us and I know its not the same but the locals were so horrible to them from the start and then they wonder why they turn on them and start causing trouble