Annoying things you can't properly respond to

[KnackeredMuchly]

People who say "Oh you must be so lucky living so close to your family!"

The only real response to that is "Yes I know!" Because saying "Why? So I can live 5 minutes away from people who do fuck all as opposed to 2 hours away from people who do fuck all?"

/bitter

Anyone else get people saying things that are a bit innocuous but mean you have to bite your tongue?

When I was depressed, the question "How are you?" was the worst, because the only answer I wanted to give was "So miserable I want to die". But of course, I was always "Fine"

I think I need chocolate today!!!!!!!

FarewellFigure Didn't you ask for a doggy bag? I do would have done.

"You look tired"

OH FUCK OFF.

My French neighbour giving me some superb home-grown beans and then telling me how to cook them. I had to keep smiling because the beans looked so delicious. So she thinks I've never cooked beans ?

I was pregnant at the same time as another woman in our office. Due dates within days of each other. She was sick as a pig, I never so much had a whiff of nausea. Cue person after person telling her "being sick is a really good sign" - I did actually say once (after about the 100th time) "does that mean I should worry then as I haven't been sick once?".

Also, when I got a promotion someone said somehting like "oh we all knew you'd get it because the bosses really like you" - I wanted to say "er well yes they would seeing as I graft and I'm good at my job" but for some reason mumbled something like "ermmurrrghhh".

I've had a great and completely true response to people who say "Have you lost weight?" recently. I get to say "Yes, I've been quite ill." Their faces are a picture.

I have 4 children, I am a Cub Scout Leader AND I'm a squash coach and work for the local squash club. One morning I was supervising 2 hours of junior morning (unpaid) and the grandad of one of the juniors said to me "so do you work?" - "yes, I'm a squash coach" - his reply "no, I mean a proper job" - if he was a VERY VERY old grandad I might have almost forgiven him, but he's the same age as my DH!!

then there was the man who said "so now you're a squash coach, do you have time to get all your housework done?" (I've always worked albeit part-time since children were born) - I looked at him like this >>>>

"Is he good?" - yes, definitely has a double meaning. I'm not sure if it means does he cry a lot, does he sleep well, or both.

I just reply "Yes, he's a GREAT baby!". Because obviously he is.

Mine is that when I tell people we are stopping at 2 DC (because I'm open to having a third but DH really really isn't), a surprisingly large number of them say "Oh well, accidents happen!" very archly. As if it'd be ok for me to deliberately get pregnant against DS's wishes...

*against DH's wishes, though you probably figured that out.

All your housework!

Dunno why I'm surprised, I have been asked several times whether my STBXH minded me going to work.

people who say when they see your twin children, saying " Ooooh I always wanted twins, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHH!

Yes I love my twins, but do they really want no sleep, money, fun, life or identity for the first five years????? if you want to cry solid for the first year, then knock yourself out, go ahead, have twins!!! [I am ranting but I do know how lucky I am to have 2 healthy children, just for the record]....

I hate it when people refer to a father looking after his own children as 'babysitting' rather than just being a parent.

For example I went away for 2 nights recently and before I went my friend's mum asked me who was having DS while I was away. When I replied 'he'll be home with his dad' she said 'oh he'll do that will he? He doesn't mind having him?'

SPEECHLESS!

"maybe this time you'll sort your contraception out?" on being told I was expecting my second child.

No, actually, I chose to get pregnant.
I'm not so stupid as to have no clue how it happens!

my uterus, my bloody business!

BauerTime - exactly! I work nights:
"who's looking after your children while you're at work?"
"They are at home, with their father"
"Oh, doesn't he mind having them?"
So many times! FFS! He's their Dad, not the hired help!

M'when are you going to have children' I am 35 but have pcos which I really don't want to share with folk. Various issues have meant we couldn't start a family sooner but again they are private!

"Do you know whose it is?" (utterly self absorbed and dim but not malicious bint, upon seeing my bump)
"My fiance, you slack jawed trout"

My OH works outside.It is a phycally draining job.The hot weather makes it harder and he comes home exhausted.

My neighbour who works part time in an air conditioned office got out of her car and said to my OH who was standing on the drive dripping in sweat 'you are so lucky to work outside in this beautiful weather'

I work full time and DH is a SAHD.

I get all the time the comments about him babysitting so I can work. Doesn't he mind?

Oh do fuck off.

"I get "cheer up it might never happen" and "what's wrong with your face" ... its been winding me up for 56 years and still not found the perfect response although "someone just died" does shut them up"

I found that looking them in the eye and being deadpan serious whilst saying 'Make Me!' to be the only one that made me smile (inside of course)

The correct response to 'cheer up love, it might never happen' is 'IT ALREADY HAS' and the meanest scowl you can muster. This one really gets my goat....

I once said to a really grumpy looking bloke in the pub "cheer up it can't be that bad".

We have now been together for 21 years he still looks grumpy, think it's just his face

When I had DD - "Do you know whose she is?" Random woman in the street
When I had DS - "Do they both have the same father?" Random couple while walking in the cemetery. Answer to both "Yeah, my husband of 6 / 8 years "

"I hope you get better really soon"

"Oh I'm not sick I have a life long disabiity."

"Incurable? Oh no. Maybe you'll get a miracle. I'll pray."

Please don't bother praying and take your pity and fuck off.

In my first week at a RG university as a single mother studying full time: 'How did someone who can't even read the instructions on a pill packet end up somewhere like this?' It wouldn't have been so bad but I kind of fancied the guy who said it. Until he said it.

From my FIL several times before we finally went NC with him: 'If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous.' WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, YOU ATROCIOUS FUCKING DICK.

On my birthday last year, just as I was extremely happily polishing off the amazing 'Bristolian knickerbocker glory' in Pieminister (it's a knickerbocker glory covered in CIDER), a woman from the next table came over to make lots of 'I don't know how on earth you can eat that all by yourself' and 'we couldn't manage one between four of us!' and 'don't you feel sick eating all of that by yourself?' comments at me as I stared at her in glum and increasingly incredulous silence. I felt really insulted but still can't quite put my finger on why. Possibly I just think it's a bit rude to comment on a total stranger's appetite? Anyway, it incensed me and I wish I'd thought of something more suitable to come back with than mumbling 'MMMMmmmMmmm' through a mouthful of ice cream and cider.

And I'm done.

First of all- I genuinely have that resting bitch face thing!! My bf asks me 100 times a day what's wrong / who died etc.
secondly. The last time I saw a friend I said "you've lost weight!" And she was thrilled that someone had mentioned it. (We were in a uni class) - and went on and on about her diet and exercise regime. I at no point meant "cause you're a fat cow" she's not. But she looked fab.

Guillotine!!!! Those are horrendous. Especially the first one!