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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok, I'm fairly sure I am BU but can I just check if I'm the only person in the world who would be annoyed by this?

132 replies

morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 14:49

I have two DS' ages 4 and 6.

My Mum and Dad go on holiday A LOT. Probably, go abroad maybe once a month/once every 6 weeks.

About 2 years ago my Mum started sending postcards to the DS' from her holiday. Fine, lovely.

Then she decided she was going to buy a keepsake box for the DS' to keep all of the postcards from her holidays in.

It's about the size of a large shoebox - we have no storage in this house (which she knows). I used to keep it under the computer desk but the DS' kept getting hold of it, ripping the postcards or scribbling them.

I've moved it to the garage now, and I will be honest - I don't put every single postcard they send in it. My Mum is unhappy that the box is out in the garage, that I am not filing the postcards or (presumably) going through them again.

I know it's not a HUGE thing she's asking of me, but I find it annoying because:

a) there is nowhere in the house available to store them and she knows this
b) she is the least sentimental person ever and anything the DC draw or make for her gets sent out
c) at the end of the day these are memories of HER holidays, not the DS' and they are just not of the mindset, at 6 and 4 (or ever??) to want to treasure a box of postcards from someone else's holidays.

How unreasonable am I being? Would you just suck it up and file everyone of them and lovingly bring them out every now and then?

It's not really an option to leave the box at her house (as tempting as it is) as they don't live locally.

OP posts:
vezzie · 03/09/2014 17:02

If the dcs want to scribble on them, let them. Read them out when they arrive, go "ooooh look how sunny it is there", stick em in the box, stick the box in their room, let them scribble /roundy-plastic-scissor/ pritt them to death, recycle the shredded remains. If asked about them, look blank and say "they were addressed to the dcs, so I gave them to them"

Roseyglow · 03/09/2014 17:07

You have my mother, they are the same.

I'd buy a big annoying huge fuck off box and ask her to keep the cards at hers so SHE can store them and tell the kids about them.

JustMarriedBecca · 03/09/2014 17:11

Why not get a world map and then cut the stamp off and stick a pin in world map. Educational and no space required....

Original poster
morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 17:12

Just married - the waits til she gets home to post them so they all have UK stamps and postmarks Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 17:12

Roseyglow - I'm intrigued by that, how do you cope with her??

OP posts:
Nydj · 03/09/2014 17:13

As you say, they are her memories of the holidays so she should keep them at her house and go through them with her grandchildren why they visit and are of an age to want to learn about faraway places that grandma had visited. If she says no, then perhaps it's time to have the conversation about hypocrisy.

BolshierAyraStark · 03/09/2014 17:17

Yep, give her the box & all postcards to save at hers if she's that bothered.

DancingDinosaur · 03/09/2014 17:25

The stamps might be worth something one day. My friend got £10000 from selling off part of his childhood stamp collection. It paid off the shortfall on his mortgage.

Stealthpolarbear · 03/09/2014 17:26

" they would not be my postcards. They would belong to someone else - my child/ren. It would be a form of stealing."
You must be overrun with soft toys your children don't play with from one year to the next, until they see them head towards a charity bag...

MackerelOfFact · 03/09/2014 17:31

I really don't think they'll ever find them 'fascinating' - I am fairly sentimental but even I can't muster up much enthusiasm for postcards (or generic photos) of other people's holidays.

When my grandparents died we went through all their projector photos. They were lovely. But the stacks and stacks of ones of their many holidays were left alone - not only were none of us there, but the destinations and itineries were pretty uninteresting by today's standards - as these will be in 20/30/40 years time too!

Canyouforgiveher · 03/09/2014 17:45

Next time she complains about you not keeping them in the house say "well the apple didn't fall far from the tree Mum. I get my refreshing lack of sentimentality from you"

Are there meaningful loving messages written on these postcards or just "having a lovely time" kind of thing. If there were meaningful messages personally, I'd save them - in a box of my choosing wherever I wanted to keep it. If not, I wouldn't bother. I think your mum is pretty controlling tbh trying to dictate how and where you should keeps stuff for your children.

Original poster
morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 17:51

Here's a sample:

Dear X and Y,

Granny and Grandad have been on holiday in FRANCE.

It was very sunny. We went for lots of rides on our bikes and had a lovely train ride up a mountain.

We went to a cave and saw some cave paintings like the one on this postcard.

Love Granny.

(just realised she hasn't signed it from my Dad Hmm)

OP posts:
Canyouforgiveher · 03/09/2014 17:56

The postcards are a nice idea - what is nuts is her insistance that you keep them all and in a specific place and box.

ValerieTheVodkaFairy · 03/09/2014 18:00

If she was like my granny (completely sentimental, fireplace covered in photos of grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and second cousin Ethel's dog's kittens) then I could understand why she wants the postcards kept, and I would do so bringing the box out of the garage when she comes to visit

However, her own lack of sentimentality...I don't know, that strikes me as really odd. It makes the post cards seem very 'look at me, having a holiday, while you're stuck at home'- all about her, rather then the DC's own enjoyment or appreciation

teacherlikesapples · 03/09/2014 18:04

You might not appreciate these items now, but sadly in a few years time when your parents are no longer around it is items like this that can hold the biggest value. I would love to have something like this from my parents or grandparents. Remembering what a sense of adventure they had, appreciating that they cared enough to send them. It's only the size of a shoebox. YABU.

frankie5 · 03/09/2014 18:05

YANBU . Our last house was so small that we were very ruthless about everything that we kept. Everything had its place. Crockery and spare saucepans were in boxes under our bed so would not have had much room for an extra shoebox.

Maybe there is more to this than just the postcards. My DPs are typical baby boomers and also go on lots of holidays. We have had years of not affording a holiday and although don't begrudge them the money, we don't always want to listen to them talk about holidays.

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 03/09/2014 18:13

Given what you say about her lack of sentimentality (and your lack of space) Yaddnbu.

We moved recently. Our loft was chock a block with old birthday cards and similar 'stuff'. It's clutter. I dithered about throwing it out but we did and it felt like a weight lifted tbh.

It's nice she sends a card. But a card about someone else's holiday wouldn't be something I'd keep indefinitely.

Flangeshrub · 03/09/2014 18:21

I think the people on this thread with even slightly narcissistic mothers recognise this as controlling behaviour rather than sentimental.

Fuck the shoe box, a cheap plastic sleeve thrown in the wardrobe. Who the fuck cares about anyone else's holiday postcards? How self-involved!

Yeah 2 boys are going to be fighting over inheriting granny's postcards in 20 years time. Not. I bet they will be in the bin in the next 10 years (where they belong!).

Sorry you have a mum like that, I do too.

NoodleOodle · 03/09/2014 18:35

I like the forwarding idea best (was going to be my suggestion)

ithoughtofitfirst · 03/09/2014 18:35

flange absolutely pmsl.. i haven't heard (or read) 'NOT' in a while. I'm gonna dust it off and start using it again.

Zucker · 03/09/2014 18:55

She doesn't even send them from the country she's holidaying in!! Feck that, toss the postcards Grin

Woozlebear · 03/09/2014 18:56

I don't think you're bu, but I am ruthlessly unsentimental about clutter and resentful of anything that anyone expects me to have around that I don't want. I'm quite minimalist so it's easier for dh and I to refuse things like this on the grounds of pseudo ethical/philosophical objection. It's not that as much as the fact we just hate having loads of crap - but people seem to argue less when you present it as a 'lifestyle choice' or summat.

It fucking irritates me when people give you stuff you haven't asked for - in my case have explicitly said you don't want- and then think you owe it to them to keep the crap around. If your mother chooses to give you these things, you can choose to do what you want with them. If she wants them for your dcs to look at later she can keep them at hers and show it to them there.

I speak as someone who happily shifts their mil's presents out to the charity shop the day after she's left. I keep one or two unwanted presents from each person in my life to be occasionally worn or displayed when seeing them to avoid too much offence. Everything else goes. I have virtually no momentos of anything. I wouldn't even care much if my box of wedding stuff got lost somehow.

Mim78 · 03/09/2014 19:03

Yanbu. Completely I'll thought out on her part.scanning a good plan or she can keep them at hers.

MsAstronaut · 03/09/2014 19:05

OMG OP I am totally with you. I live in a similar house, small, no storage and too much stuff - and if my mum made this suggestion it would go down extremely badly (and it's exactly the kind of suggestion she would make, but she's learned it will get her nowhere).

With the nappies though you have the perfect riposte. "I don't want to have to find a place to keep this box. And btw it's about the size of that packet of nappies you didn't want me to leave in your 6-bedroom house because you don't like clutter. So I'm sure you'll understand. I keep the nappies here, you keep your postcard memory box at yours."

However I wouldn't have this conversation with my mum, too much woe would ensue. Instead I would just read the postcards, bin them and if she asked I'd say "Oh that box, hmm not sure where it is, must be somewhere."

FFS. You don't get to tell someone they have to keep a box of postcards from you. Imagine saying that to a friend, they'd think you were bonkers.

oneearedrabbit · 03/09/2014 19:10

I would definitely go for the make-an-album idea (as above) and whenever you finish an album give it back to her as a gift from the boys. Cheap scrap books cost v little and won't take up much space for you.
Easy, just stick the cards in when they come and forget about the damn things. She can chuck or keep the album (let me guess....)