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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok, I'm fairly sure I am BU but can I just check if I'm the only person in the world who would be annoyed by this?

132 replies

morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 14:49

I have two DS' ages 4 and 6.

My Mum and Dad go on holiday A LOT. Probably, go abroad maybe once a month/once every 6 weeks.

About 2 years ago my Mum started sending postcards to the DS' from her holiday. Fine, lovely.

Then she decided she was going to buy a keepsake box for the DS' to keep all of the postcards from her holidays in.

It's about the size of a large shoebox - we have no storage in this house (which she knows). I used to keep it under the computer desk but the DS' kept getting hold of it, ripping the postcards or scribbling them.

I've moved it to the garage now, and I will be honest - I don't put every single postcard they send in it. My Mum is unhappy that the box is out in the garage, that I am not filing the postcards or (presumably) going through them again.

I know it's not a HUGE thing she's asking of me, but I find it annoying because:

a) there is nowhere in the house available to store them and she knows this
b) she is the least sentimental person ever and anything the DC draw or make for her gets sent out
c) at the end of the day these are memories of HER holidays, not the DS' and they are just not of the mindset, at 6 and 4 (or ever??) to want to treasure a box of postcards from someone else's holidays.

How unreasonable am I being? Would you just suck it up and file everyone of them and lovingly bring them out every now and then?

It's not really an option to leave the box at her house (as tempting as it is) as they don't live locally.

OP posts:
Original poster
morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 15:40

Dueling - you're right, I just need to do that except I've lost half of them

Seriously considering a passive-aggressive keepsake box purchase for her and making the DC write to her every month. Be good writing practice, yes?

OP posts:
NadiaWadia · 03/09/2014 15:40

She is being unreasonable, and quite strangely precious about this. It's nice of her to send the children postcards, but not to expect you to keep them forever when she knows you don't have much storage space.

She's hypocritical too, being all sentimental about the postcards when she doesn't even want school photos of the DCs, and not keeping items they have made for her (which most people would think have far more sentimental value).

Lweji · 03/09/2014 15:41

I think you need to declutter your house too and get rid of the postcards.

Original poster
morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 15:43

Thanks all.

I realise I've not got three options:

  1. I can start keep storing the postcards nicely

  2. I can start chucking them away and ignore her pointed questions about them

  3. I can have an adult conversation about her lack of sentimentality about anything given to her (seriously, the DS' painted a pottery heart for her birthday in April and it was dumped out in a flower pot in the garage when we visited).

What to do?

OP posts:
NadiaWadia · 03/09/2014 15:48

That's mean! (re: the pottery heart). Hope the DCs weren't upset (or didn't they realise)?

Lweji · 03/09/2014 15:50

I'd say 2), and when she asks about them, you answer with a question about whatever your children gave her (even if you know that she chucked it out - or rather, particularly if you know she chucked it out)

squoosh · 03/09/2014 15:51

Yikes, are you sure your mother doesn't have a pottery heart rather than a real one?

EveryGoodBoyDeservesFun · 03/09/2014 15:51

If your DC enjoy them coming through the door why not let her send them, then 'forward' them to her so she can keep them. As far as I know all you need to do is scribble out your address and write hers on the postcard and you don't need to even put a new stamp on it (though that might only be for UK stamped items - worth a try anyway!). Then you can explain how much the boys love to receive the postcards but you felt she should get to keep them as a momento of her holiday and can tell the boys all about it when you next visit.

BettyBotter · 03/09/2014 15:54

YANBU

I too have well-travelled parents and two ds's . Every luxury holiday my parents have been on for the past 17 years my mum has sent the boys 2 or more postcards. Have the boys ever shown any interest in where granny is this week? Not ever. Not once. Have they ever bothered to read what she's written? What do you think?

The boys are now 15 and 17 and granny still sends her postcards. The postcards sit on the mantelpiece for a couple of weeks and we give them a quick 'ooh look at that' type read and then they go to the big wheelie 'shoe box' outside the back door. Perhaps my ds's may be ungrateful wretches but really is anyone so interested in somebody else's holiday postcards that they want to keep them for ever?

Your dm sounds slightly self-preoccupied.

ithoughtofitfirst · 03/09/2014 15:57

I'd wipe my ass with them.

Lweji · 03/09/2014 16:01

Or...
cut them all, make a montage, frame it and offer it to her at next Mother's day/Christmas/Birthday.

HappyAgainOneDay · 03/09/2014 16:01

Some posters have suggested scanning the postcards and then throwing them away. I couldn't do this because they would not be my postcards. They would belong to someone else - my child/ren. It would be a form of stealing.

When I was 11, we moved house and my mother threw away a lot of my things - mostly collections but that's irrelevant - and I've never forgotten how hurt I was. I loved my things. Since then, I've never thrown away anything belonging to my children (except that I have disposed of clothes and shoes). Now that they have left home are older, they've taken everything with them and it's up to them what they do with the things. They are theirs.

Lweji · 03/09/2014 16:02

They are 3 and 4 and it's not about places they have been in.
I'm sure they'll recover.

Lweji · 03/09/2014 16:02

sorry, 6 and 4.

Original poster
morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 16:41

Gawd now I'm conflicted because it's not cut and dried - some of you would hate this and some of you think it's lovely.

Because there is an 'it's lovely' argument out there this is what she will use against me. Fuck. I just wish she'd stop asking about them.

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/09/2014 16:50

Who thinks it's lovely?

Happy said that she wouldn't throw away things that belong to the children, not necessarily that the cards and box are lovely.

Zucker · 03/09/2014 16:51

Give them to her in the lovely show box and tell her to store them in her house. It's her idea, her postcards she can do the bloomin' storing too.

5Foot5 · 03/09/2014 16:52

I must admit I am in the "keeping them" camp because it is the sort of thing I would love to have to look at now.

Also my DD has collected postcards from an early age - ones her GPs sent her, some her friends sent and, largely, ones she has bought herself as souvenirs. These now cover one wall of her bedroom and I have to say it does make a nice display.

fatlazymummy · 03/09/2014 16:56

happy I think the op has already said that the children don't want them.
And I find your attitude a little bit bizarre,tbh. Of course children can't keep everything just because it's theirs. That would be hoarding.

BettyBotter · 03/09/2014 16:58

Just read the bit about her not wanting the dcs photos. Shock

That puts a different perspective on her foisting postcards of places that you and your dcs have never been to on you.

Give her back the box and explain that the dcs play postman with the cards so they're getting lost. As they hold such special memories for her, you'd like her to store them nicely at her house as a treat for the dcs to look at when they go and visit. Wink

fatlazymummy · 03/09/2014 16:59

morethan it's your house. Take charge, for goodness sake.
Once someone has given a gift (or sent a card, whatever) it doesn't belong to them anymore, so they don't get to decide how long or where it's kept for.

SmilingHappyBeaver · 03/09/2014 16:59

Buy her a massive (ugly) storage box, and get your DC's to do loads and loads and loads of pictures/paintings for her, whenever she goes on holiday.

When she returns each time, hand them to her and ensure that every time you visit her house you ask to go through the box of beautiful "mementos" your DS's have done for her.

She'll get the message...

BettyBotter · 03/09/2014 16:59

Zucker types quicker than me. Smile

NanooCov · 03/09/2014 17:01

She's crackers. I'd let the kids scribble on them / cut them up for a craft project type thing and give the monstrosity back to her. See how sentimental she is about them then...

NanooCov · 03/09/2014 17:01

She's crackers. I'd let the kids scribble on them / cut them up for a craft project type thing and give the monstrosity back to her. See how sentimental she is about them then...