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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ok, I'm fairly sure I am BU but can I just check if I'm the only person in the world who would be annoyed by this?

132 replies

morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 14:49

I have two DS' ages 4 and 6.

My Mum and Dad go on holiday A LOT. Probably, go abroad maybe once a month/once every 6 weeks.

About 2 years ago my Mum started sending postcards to the DS' from her holiday. Fine, lovely.

Then she decided she was going to buy a keepsake box for the DS' to keep all of the postcards from her holidays in.

It's about the size of a large shoebox - we have no storage in this house (which she knows). I used to keep it under the computer desk but the DS' kept getting hold of it, ripping the postcards or scribbling them.

I've moved it to the garage now, and I will be honest - I don't put every single postcard they send in it. My Mum is unhappy that the box is out in the garage, that I am not filing the postcards or (presumably) going through them again.

I know it's not a HUGE thing she's asking of me, but I find it annoying because:

a) there is nowhere in the house available to store them and she knows this
b) she is the least sentimental person ever and anything the DC draw or make for her gets sent out
c) at the end of the day these are memories of HER holidays, not the DS' and they are just not of the mindset, at 6 and 4 (or ever??) to want to treasure a box of postcards from someone else's holidays.

How unreasonable am I being? Would you just suck it up and file everyone of them and lovingly bring them out every now and then?

It's not really an option to leave the box at her house (as tempting as it is) as they don't live locally.

OP posts:

Original poster

morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 15:07

Ok, thank you.

This is what I've decided - the shoe box can go, there is nowhere for it (no not in the kitchen either - we have coving to the ceiling there is NO SPACE and if there was I'd be using it for my stuff not hers).

I will keep the fuckung postcards in a folder slid behind the computer and she can cats bum face all she likes when she realises.

Happy compromise???

OP posts:

diddl · 03/09/2014 15:09

yes, I was thinking about her not posting them.

I can she how she might be upset at you not going along with it if it's important to her.

It does seem hard to think that one box is too much to store, but if the garage works, then that's where it has to be!

and when it's full, throw one out when a new one arrives.

DiaDuit · 03/09/2014 15:11

Personally, i'd stick them on the fridge for the month after they arrived then file them under B1N when the next one came. Your kids wont give a shiny shite, nor even remember what granny wrote on the umpteenth card with a nice picture of somewhere they dont recognise. They have no concept of where she is or what a nice time it would be. Her repetitive "weather is nice, wish you were here" is just back ground noise to them and they wont care that they dont have the physical proof of it being said. How she treats them when she is with them will mean far more to them than a couple hundred tatty cards in a damp shoe box.

DiaDuit · 03/09/2014 15:12

Oh, forgot to say, this is entirely about her and you not giving he the attention she thinks you should rather than anything to do with the kids having keepsakes from her holiday. Her holiday means nothing to them.

QuintessentiallyQS · 03/09/2014 15:13

Ask her to start sending postcards to herself if she is so keen on keeping these mementos?

dreamingbohemian · 03/09/2014 15:14

I would split the difference: do keep all the postcards but keep the box in the garage.

I have to say though, you may be reasonable in saying you have no room for a shoebox, but it doesn't sound reasonable if you see what I mean -- I live in a small 2BR flat and work from home, I could still shove a shoebox somewhere. So if you really have to put it in the garage at least keep all the cards and say it's for protecting them.

squoosh · 03/09/2014 15:15

Mementos should be things you choose to keep, not things you're instructed to keep by granny.

fatlazymummy · 03/09/2014 15:15

I'd just put them in the bin,tbh (assuming your kids don't want to keep them). It's not up to your Mum to dictate where they're kept.

dreamingbohemian · 03/09/2014 15:16

x-post

Honestly, what do you have in your house??

I think box in garage sounds better than folder behind computer.

Roseformeplease · 03/09/2014 15:16

~Why does she not post them to the children, but at her address? That way she can give them their "post" when they go to Granny's house, whenever that may be, and then put them in a box / album / etc as she sees fit.

RhiWrites · 03/09/2014 15:17

Your mum has a vision of the postcards as cherished and loved items but they are in fact clutter to you. If you explained it was clutter to you, she'd probably be hurt.

But you are not unreasonable to not want this job and way of leading your life she has assigned you.

Could you do something else to make her feel loved and included? Start a photo album with photos of her with your family? Put some photos of her around the house? Something (but not this thing) that fulfils the same need she has for her to be treasured by you?

NoWayYesWay · 03/09/2014 15:19

Just give the postcards to the kids to look t and play with, then bin them after a week or so. If your mum asks tell her that's what the kids like to. Do with them. Surely no kid is going to care about looking through old postcards from their granny.

RiverTam · 03/09/2014 15:22

so, hold on, she won't let you keep a pack of nappies in her mansion because she doesn't like clutter, but she's happy to provide clutter for your considerably smaller abode?

Sod that for a game of soldiers. I'd get the DC to keep the ones they like and the rest can be stored at Grandma's.

Bloody cheek. (it is a nice idea, but not one that's working in practice, clearly)

CaulkheadUpNorth · 03/09/2014 15:31

My grandmother used to send me a postcard most weeks - I loved getting post with my name on from her. She would go through them with me when she visited. I kept most of them in my room in a box till aged about 15 when through most out.

She's been dead about eight years now and I've still got a few.

Could you display a few (ie pin board/world map/fridge and then when you swap them for new ones put them in the box in the garage?

CheesyBadger · 03/09/2014 15:31

Maybe a photo album would work better? I collect postcards and a large one would last years and could be stored more easily. I think it's lovely as the countries will be able to spark learning, but I love postcards so slightly biased.

hoobypickypicky · 03/09/2014 15:31

I wish I had the postcards sent to me from my Grandma, that I could look back on.

Your DC may not know or care now but one day, when Grandma's no longer with you, when the DC are much older, might they care then?

The birthday cards, post cards and Christmas cards I still have are incredibly precious to me. My Grandma will never be able to write any more.

I'd keep and treasure them until my DC were old enough to do it. The space required is for a shoe box not a phone box.

CaulkheadUpNorth · 03/09/2014 15:32

Agh! Threw not through!

DuelingFanjo · 03/09/2014 15:33

YABU.

why not put a notice board on the wall and pin them on there. Very easy storage. You could even fix then to the side of the fridge, one you can't see perhaps? Or the inside of a high cupboard?

Original poster

morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 15:34

She won't let me keep anything at her house. When I was 21 I was summoned to her house because she was clearing out her attic and had to take away all my old school books, teddies, anything that related to me being a child. That is fine.

She wouldn't let me leave nappies at her house when the DC were smaller. I actually 'forgot' them as really couldn't be arsed to cart them home with me as I knew they'd fit next time. Next time she visited she had packed the nappies and brought her with her so they couldn't stay there.

She is not remotely sentimental about anything didn't want school or nursery photos of the DS'. That is all fine. I can tell you now if I gave her a shoebox and told her I was going to make the DC write to her once a month and she must store them in it she would go apoplectic.

I know this is dripfeeding but didn't want to include all this as I have a very strange relationship with my Mum and I wanted to discuss the postcard issue in and of itself to assess if I am the only person in the world who would be vexed by it, all issues nonwithstanding.

I'm not trying to 'win' the thread or anything.

I just don't know what to do with this woman...seriously.

She doesn't treasure anything physical of the DC (she loves them of course!) but yet in return, she wants this. I don't understand it

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 03/09/2014 15:34

or in a photo album on teh shelf

Original poster

morethanlaundry · 03/09/2014 15:36

I'm not putting a noticeboard on the wall of someone else's old raggedy postcards! I don't want to look at them! Mind you they could go on the DC's walls...that's an idea.

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 03/09/2014 15:36

postcard album put them on a high shelf, forget about them... have a nice life, don't let her get to you, don't play silly games 'look mum - I keep them all here for when DS wants them' nice bright smile, job done, no more drama.

DuelingFanjo · 03/09/2014 15:36

plus if you do that - you've won :)

squoosh · 03/09/2014 15:38

She's a control freak, show the kids the postcards when they arrive and then bin them.

Floralnomad · 03/09/2014 15:40

Just bin them - the DC can enjoy them dropping through the door ,then let them scribble on them and bin them - it's not for your mother to decide what you keep . TBH I can't imagine any DC being interested in postcards from other people's holidays .

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