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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get some help at weekends?

30 replies

grobagsforever · 31/08/2014 08:02

I have DD1 (4) and DD2 (7 weeks). DH died in June so I'm on my own. I have a nanny four days a week as I'm to exhausted, both physically and emotionally to give my four year old the input she needs. Nanny does stuff like take her swimming, soft play and also does all her meals and light housework for me. Most importantly she takes both children for 2-3 hours each morning while I get some sleep. Baby is up a lot at night, I'm breastfeeding.

But weekends are killing me. I'm so exhausted that my four year old gets 4-5 hours of TV in the morning and I'm snappy and tearful.

I've been thinking of advertising for a local childcare student to do 2-3 hours each weekend morning. I can sleep and DD1 gets someone with enough energy to play with her.

Would anyone want this job? 7.30 start? Am I being a wimp, should I get up and spend the time with the kids?

OP posts:
Septbaby · 31/08/2014 08:11

Grobags I'm so sorry to hear that Flowers I don't think you're being unreasonable in the slightest, sounds like you're doing an amazing job! You're still grieving which is exhausting and raising 2 children which although is wonderful is also completely exhausting. You should have any help you feel you need and don't feel you're being a wimp, DD will love having someone to play with, you can get the rest you need and hopefully this will help you all through you're very hard time. Sending hugs xx

Jollyphonics · 31/08/2014 08:14

You are absolutely not being a wimp. I had kids of similar ages, and I'm a single parent, and it was exhausting - trying to do all the baby stuff (feeding, no sleep etc) while trying to entertain a pre-school child too. I found it hard and I wasn't dealing with the horrendous grief you must be suffering.

Do whatever it takes to get through this awful time. Will your DD be starting school this week? Could friends or family help out at weekends? Would your nanny be interested in extra hours at the weekend?

Gumnast2014 · 31/08/2014 08:15

YADDDDDNBU

That founds a perfect opportunity for a childcare student. You sound like your doing an amazing job and will still be going through the grieving process.

Where do you live? Maybe arrange some play dates?

amyhamster · 31/08/2014 08:18

Have you got any family nearby who would help you out with the 4 yr old at the weekends?

londonrach · 31/08/2014 08:22

Remember your previous posts. Yanbu to need extra help. Could any friends help with play dates for dd1. You have been amazing gro. Sounds like you need someone to take both dds for a couple if hours so you can sleep. Do you have family nearby. Sending you hugs gro xxxxxxxxxx Flowers

shoopshoopsong · 31/08/2014 08:22

Of course take as much help as you can! In my opinion it sounds like you are doing FANTASTICALLY well and it will be in both yours and your childrens best interest to get an extra pair of hands at the weekend too. Sorry got your massive loss, be kind to yourself

Charitybelle · 31/08/2014 08:22

YANBU, the first few months with a new baby are hard enough without the grief you're experiencing. Don't be embarrassed to seek out the help you need. You'll hopefully feel better and your toddler will be happier too.
You're probably just in head down survival mode right now, but I hope you have a friend/relative/counsellor to talk to about everything? It's important to be able to unburden yourself emotionally as well as having help with the practical side of things. I really feel for you OP, you sound like you're doing remarkably well already, hang on in there Flowers

VSeth · 31/08/2014 08:27

You are not being a wimp, seven weeks of getting little sleep is tough, Get all the help you can, your little one is very young and it's exhausting isn't it? Advertise on childcare.co.uk? Can your Mum help out on weekend too?

Do you have any friends with DC same age as your oldest? If so maybe ask for some play dates? You can return the favor when little one is sleeping more. I find early starts on weekends a bit demoralising, there is nothing to do early, we watch a lot of TV in the mornings, my DD has been awake since 630, we are watching Milkshake on Channel 5 (I am Mumsnetting) and waiting for Leisure centre to open so we can go swimming.

DD2 will hopefully start to sleep for longer soon, I found from week 7/8 weeks my DD slept a little bit longer each night and I started to get blocks of 5 hour sleeps, which makes a real difference. Be kind to yourself x

MagpieMama · 31/08/2014 08:28

YANBU and I don't think there's anyone that would think you could be. Get as much help as you need and don't feel bad about it. If you're well rested then you'll be better placed to spend quality time with your DC. Taking care of yourself is important for them as well as you.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 31/08/2014 08:28

No family near. Friends do take DD1 for play dates yes. I'll check if nanny wants hours but I think she wants some days off!

OP posts:
bonzo77 · 31/08/2014 08:33

So sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how hard the last couple if months must have been. Have you considered a night nurse one or two nights a week? Obviously that's only useful if the baby will take a bottle.

magimedi · 31/08/2014 08:34

I remember your other thread - YANBU at all. I'd ask your nanny first - she may even know someone who might want the job, if she doesn't.

Laundryangel · 31/08/2014 08:36

OP I have read your previous posts & am so sorry you are going through this. We used to have the 15 yo from 4 doors down over from 7.30-10.00 on a Saturday morning and sometimes a Sunday too and my DP is alive & pretty hands on. This fantastic teenager had a key & would let herself in. On the odd occasion that then 2.5yr DD was asleep, she would just watch TV herself until DD woke up. Usually, DD went racing down the stairs & they had loads of fun with play dough, Orchard Toys games, the dolls etc. The teenager gave DD breakfast. Occasionally, the baby would go down too but he was usually asleep in our bed. It was bliss. It also meant DD hadn't watched any TV in the morning so I was less concerned about shoving her in front of the TV later. When the baby was about 7 mths, his sleeping improved hugely so we were no longer so desperate for more sleep at the weekend & the teenager stopped coming. She & DD still get on really well when they see each other.
The weekends can be really long when you're by yourself with DC, especially when trying to deal with your grief & theirs.

frazmum · 31/08/2014 08:42

Of course YANBU. So sorry to hear of your loss. You're doing a good job ensuring your DCs are being well cared for.
Rather than advertise I'd approach your local college (maybe secondary schools too) as they run courses where students need to do placements so may be able to organise it all for you.

Sirzy · 31/08/2014 08:45

If your DD is starting school could you look to change the hours of the nanny to give you help over weekends?

fuzzpig · 31/08/2014 08:45

So sorry for your loss grobags Thanks

Of course YANBU. Do whatever you need to do to get through x

Sirzy · 31/08/2014 08:45

But either way yanbu to take any help you can get!

Original poster
grobagsforever · 31/08/2014 08:46

Thanks all. Naughty question - as it will be a casual arrangement (as in I won't need them if family/friends are staying) can I get away with cash in hand, like a baby sitter? Would be cheaper and easier. .

Part of me thinks I should save all the insurance money for DC future but in reality it's going to have to get me through early years.

OP posts:
beachyhead · 31/08/2014 08:50

I would view it as a babysitting arrangement, yes. It probably won't be every weekend and hours will change over time.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 31/08/2014 08:52

Blimey. Yanbu to do whatever you need to keep going Flowers

You can certainly get away with cash in hand, but I think it's illegal if it's a regular arrangement so be careful.

packofbaloobas · 31/08/2014 08:52

Yadnbu-your children will benefit much more from a rested mother.take all the help that you can get grobags.
I would view it as a babysitter and cash in hand.

CromerSutra · 31/08/2014 09:53

Yanbu at all. I'm so sorry for your loss. You must be shattered. Get all the help you need. Crikey, if I lived near you I'd come and help at weekends myself.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 31/08/2014 10:01

'Wimp', hell no. Why shouldn't you get some extra help. There could be someone responsible and willing if you ask around. Local college or sixth form college would be a good place to start looking.

DevonLodger · 31/08/2014 10:25

So sorry for your loss. I've not seen your other threads and I'm certainly not in your position. But I do have 2 daughters (5 & 2) and have a nanny 3 days a week and a Saturday girl too. I'm around during the week and at weekends and we all play together it's just that it makes things better for everyone and everyone has more fun. The Saturday girl is a 15 year old who wants to work with children. She's very sensible, fun and the girls love her. She plays all the games I don't like playing (Pretend play) and is like one of the family. I pay her £30 for about 6 hrs by bank transfer but she often wants to stay and do more. There aren't any tax issues - she is well within her personal allowance. Good luck with your choices and make sure you do what is right for you.

MooMaid · 31/08/2014 11:36

If it makes life easier for you and helps stabilise/organise your family then go for it! Someone who is potentially looking to get into childcare could really benefit from this arrangement too so YANBU

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