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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let DP use my car to get to work?

92 replies

unlucky83 · 31/08/2014 00:03

DP is a crap driver - lots of minor scrapes...and must have had 8 not major but biggish accidents in the last 15 years...4 involving other drivers.

He dented my new car (with DD1 in) on a roundabout when he was in the wrong lane ...(tbf he learned to drive on the other side of the road) so my dad gave us some money for him to have refresher lessons - he refused to do them. After that he can only drive my car in an emergency.
He never looks properly, has no patience, no concentration, doesn't think.

He once backed into a parked car -it was dark, late at night and the car park (private) was usually empty - he didn't even look, just reversed at speed...
He has hit one of those rising bollards - knew it was no entry but cba going round so he followed a bus.... He also got 3 pts on his licence for going up a one way the wrong way.
He's a named driver on my policy- puts my premium up (we each pay for our own cars) -but last time I checked it would cost more to take him off.

Also creates hassle for me - as English isn't his first language I used to make phone calls for him and help fill in his forms etc - not so much anymore...and he doesn't know anything about cars so always asks my opinion - I'm fed up (I have never had a bump or points on my licence)

Also his current car is my mum's old car - my dad had been meaning to get my mum a new one -but DP wrote his last one off in an accident (cos it was old more than really badly damaged) - and so my dad got a new one in a hurry and sold it to him for half what it was worth (he was going to give to him -but decided he should pay something to maybe make him be more careful) And he really doesn't appreciate the help he was given - my DB drove it here (300 miles) etc...
Anyway this morning he hit a low wall, mashed the bottom of his car - oil pouring out, engine making a funny noise. He was too embarrassed to go to /phone the local garage....wanted to take it somewhere else , didn't want the Dcs to know etc. I had a look no way could he drive it even the quarter of a mile to the local garage...never mind anywhere else
I phoned the garage for him ...they came to get it - finger crossed the engine is alright and it is repairable -they will try and do it on Monday ...But it might be a write off - it is an old car - and it has just cost £400 to get it through its MOT less than 2 weeks ago. Luckily he is ok for money and things like that come from his spending money...
Then I cleaned up the oil off the road - he helped a bit...

Any way after his initial embarrassment he said things like ...oh well these things happen don't they - everyone has crashes, no harm done etc etc
No that isn't true - I haven't, none of my friends or family have..or they have one or two in a lifetime. He was going slow but admitted he didn't see the wall cos he was looking at his phone (he was on a private road - so no danger of points etc) ...
He has been on holiday for a week - due back next week but he might be off on Monday. He works early shift - can't get public transport he needs a car. He realised this at midday - told him to phone his boss - he didn't instead he phoned other people until eventually about 5pm someone told him he was working on Mon. He said oh well I'll have to take your car then.
Erm - No - phone your boss and explain - see if you can swap - he has sent his boss a text...wouldn't phone - no reply and boss is off tomorrow - apparently a taxi will cost £30 ..he HAS to take my car ...
So AIBU to think - he should sort himself out - and suffer a bit -pay the taxi - because he just doesn't take it seriously ...everyone around him helping him out - even the mechanics at the garage - they are off today really - just in working on their own cars...
I haven't planned my week out next week yet -but I do have a lot on...don't really need another restriction.

I should really go into work (mainly work from home) - about 10-15 min walk away - but I had a DVT in July and that is quite far for me to walk - I'd rather not risk it. And not being 100% well I like the security of knowing I have transport to get medical help if I need to. (actually day after I have an dr appt and I couldn't make it without a car after school drop off)

Also DD1 goes to school miles away - if she misses the bus she can't get in until 10.30pm unless I take her...(not a regularly occurrence but has happened)
And I just shouldn't be inconvenienced (more than I have already) because he has messed up again...
and £30 taxi and a horrendous bus journey back may just make him realise that it is not 'no harm done' ...Angry

OP posts:
aquashiv · 31/08/2014 15:30

He sounds dangerous. Has he had his eyes tested. He shouldn't be on the road unless he passes an advanced drivers course.

ConferencePear · 31/08/2014 15:59

I would want to check that he really does have a valid licence. A French friend of mine had to take an English test after three years, but that was some time ago.

ICanSeeTheSun · 31/08/2014 16:14

When I am behind the wheel and I bet every other safe driver would agree 2nd nature takes over.

His lack of awareness is scary, because even if on private property it should be programmed into him about paying attention.

No way would he be allowed to drive my car.

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/08/2014 16:17

Oh and the bike thing - he couldn't really do it - it is over 10 miles and most of the roads are two way 60 mph winding ones in the middle of nowhere, no street lights. He goes to work at 4am - when it is dark. It would just be too dangerous.

Sounds like he is too dangerous in a car so perhaps he needs a taste of his own 'shit driver' medicine?

rainbowinmyroom · 31/08/2014 16:34

So it's too dangerous for this sod to cycle, but it's for him to endanger other people's lives in a car.

He can cycle.

dippyrainbow · 31/08/2014 16:50

He was going slow but admitted he didn't see the wall cos he was looking at his phone (he was on a private road - so no danger of points etc) ...

[Shock]

rainbowinmyroom · 31/08/2014 16:57

This man is going to kill someone in a car.

CoolCadbury · 31/08/2014 17:11

I don't think he is really a danger to others - these are stupid, slow speed things....when he just isn't paying attention because it isn't 'important' - like the most recent one and the points - his friend lives at that end of the one way- he couldn't see the point of going all the way round, the police saw him and instead of pretending he didn't know he told the police he was being careful...

Listen to yourself. How is deliberately going the wrong way down a one way street not dangerous? Looking at a phone instead of driving, how is not that dangerous? STOP making excuses for him, he will seriously hurt or kill someone one of these days.

Don't let him drive your car tomorrow. Hide the keys ffs. In fact, take him off the insurance and put your dad on it, it will be a whole lot cheaper.

PushPineapple · 31/08/2014 17:32

How long has he been resident in the UK? If it's over three years he must have a UK driving license.

Merel · 31/08/2014 17:37

He sounds like a total disaster zone. I don't think I'd trust him with a tin opener, never mind my car.

I might offer him a lift, but would not give him the keys, no way.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 31/08/2014 18:31

You can drive in the UK on an EU issued driving license until your are 70 or 3 years after becoming resident whichever is longer so OP's DP, assuming he passed his test in France, can drive in the UK on his license until he's 70. Scary thought!

Lally112 · 31/08/2014 18:42

he sounds like the reason I prefer my kids in my truck than in DHs car, I wouldn't let him drive my car, or any other car for that matter, buy him a pushbike.

Georgethesecond · 31/08/2014 18:45

Ten miles isn't too far to cycle. Light him up like a Christmas tree and get him a hi vis jacket.

Vycount · 31/08/2014 19:01

Look at it this way Op, you know he's not safe enough to drive. None of the incidents you describe are trivial, they all point to the fact that he's one of those people who should never really be behind the wheel. He's unaware, careless and actually doesn't care. So, how will you feel if you let him drive your car and in his next accident he kills someone?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 31/08/2014 19:11

He doesn't seem to have expended any effort or paid much money towards his driving at all. That needs to stop right away. He either takes a cab to work or buys himself another car. All this "he shouldn't be driving" stuff is absolutely right but has anyone on here ever tried to tell someone, especially a man, a FRENCH man that their driving is bloody crap and they're a danger to themselves and the public at large? Not a single one, I'll bet.

MinesAPintOfTea · 31/08/2014 19:17

Do your DC play on that private road or near it?

MrsBigginsPieShop · 31/08/2014 19:18

I wouldn't ever let my DC in a car that man was driving. He comes across as a total knob. Make him get the bus

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