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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you allow your 3yo to go to the loo alone out and about?

121 replies

chaosisawayoflife · 30/08/2014 21:21

Say if you were in a restaurant, cafe, pub, or similar public space, would you allow your 3 yo to go to the loo alone? Trying to work out if my attitudes to this are 'normal'.

OP posts:

ilovelamp2 · 31/08/2014 01:13

Sorry Idocrazythings - didn't read last post. That is awful. No wonder you're cautious.

hippo123 · 31/08/2014 01:18

That is awful idocrazythings but it's so very, very rare. I'm more concerned about posters who have implied that their children won't be able to work a lock, rearrange clothes, pick a clean toilet, flush the loo, wash their hands etc. I appreciate that at 3 my dd was perhaps on the young side to have these skills, but 5/6/7 year olds? My dd will look at a toilet and decide herself if it's clean enough for her to use. If not she will move herself to another. If there's only one she will come out and tell me.

PhaedraIsMyName · 31/08/2014 01:42

Good grief no. That is too young. And I'm usually one of the slacker parents on here (I let son play outdoors with friends without me and go to local shops at 7 and attend his first 3 day music festival at 15)

Why would you anyway? If the parent were on their own mum can easily take a boy to the ladies; if it is Dad and a daughter I can understand one might not want to take a girl into a smelly gents urinal but if that were an issue I can't imagine any shop or restaurant not checking the ladies and letting Dad pop in briefly with daughter.

PhaedraIsMyName · 31/08/2014 01:46

I can't remember when I stopped accompanying him. Probably 5 when he started school.

Athrawes · 31/08/2014 02:29

Nope. Maybe if I was in a really familiar place where I knew he could do it on his own (he is 4) but I would still hover...

Idocrazythings · 31/08/2014 02:38

Fortunately it is very very rare which is why they make the news. But when it happens at your shopping centre, it brings home that yes, it can happen. I often think of her poor family.

Redglitter · 31/08/2014 03:29

I take my nieces out fairly regularly to eat out in restaurants. The wee one is 7. Absolutely no way I'd let her go alone. I'll let the 2 of them go together (eldest is 11.5) but only if I can see the toilet door.

Altinkum · 31/08/2014 03:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SocialMediaAddict · 31/08/2014 08:26

No way. I would still take my 9 year old twins if they would allow me!

PCBurnsarrestedme · 31/08/2014 08:33

Nope. dd5 I always go to check the loo first as most of them are filthy before you start (vom) ds8 uses the women's with us if it's a busy place and no one has ever commented, tutted etc.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 31/08/2014 08:41

DS1 is 6 and he goes alone in places we've been to before, so I know he can work the flush, taps easily and that he won't get locked in. This is only in places like our local restaurants, our gym and (evil) soft play though, not in shopping centres or the like.

He may have done this at 5 also, he is the size of a 9/10 year old though.

deakymom · 31/08/2014 08:42

i always used to lock myself in toilets and would cry for someone to help me i was much older than three so i got sent with my older sister who could break into the loo if necessary

3 is just too young unless its at a friends house

MrsCampbellBlack · 31/08/2014 08:49

No and I am the same as HMC with regards to my 10 year old - he goes into the men's loos but I hover outside.

I was pretty surprised yesterday when in a shopping centre having coffee with my DD to see another little girl go off to the loos herself. She was about 6 or 7 I guess but the loos weren't in the cafe but outside in the shopping centre. So only about 30 metres away I guess but I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing it.

I am more protective/helicoptery than a lot of people on mn I'm sure but I don't care. I will do what I feel comfortable with regarding my children.

Fairywhitebear · 31/08/2014 08:50

God. No.

londonrach · 31/08/2014 08:51

No. I walk dn (5) to the toilet still. She can't reach the door handle to open it to start with.... Yanbu 3 is very young...

sanfairyanne · 31/08/2014 09:06

like everything in life, with kids there comes a point when you have to let go. i originally commented about 3 year olds, but definitely let my 6 year old go alone. the older ones, i cant remember the last time i worried about it. the only place i dont like are victorian style toilets in parks. we avoid them.

Purpleflamingos · 31/08/2014 09:09

If it's a cafe I know (some have only 1 loo per gender so it's not like cubicles) yes, I have let my ds go alone since 3yrs old. He loves washing his hands so that wasn't ever an issue (getting him to stop and dry his hands has been sometimes if I'm with him whereas if I'm not he's slightly quicker).
No to dd because she's not the same height ds was and can't reach the taps.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 31/08/2014 09:23

I think it's different for girls - men's public loos are likely to be dirtier and riskier than women's.

BeeInYourBonnet · 31/08/2014 11:16

8yo DD has been going on her own for a year or two. She occasionally asks me to go too if she is uncertain ( and i also decide to go with her if its somewhere v busy like a shopping centre). 5yo DS has recently started going with DD, or occasionally on his own, normally only if it is a repeat visit (ie. If we're having a meal out and I've already taken him to the toilet once myself). He has just started wanting to go to the men's toilet, which I allow if its somewhere v quiet/child friendly, like holiday campsite or small cafe, but I keep a close eye on door/stand outside.

3 is a bit too young IMO.

brokenhearted55a · 31/08/2014 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DefiniteMaybe · 31/08/2014 13:05

My dd is just 3 and 25th centile for height and is perfectly capable of getting on and off the toilet by herself so in places like soft play where the doors aren't heavy I let her go by herself.
In public generally though I go with her to make sure she doesn't get hurt.
Ds is almost 6 and it's the same for him. My main worry is the heavy doors that public toilets seem to have. I don't want them getting trapped in them.

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