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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you allow your 3yo to go to the loo alone out and about?

121 replies

chaosisawayoflife · 30/08/2014 21:21

Say if you were in a restaurant, cafe, pub, or similar public space, would you allow your 3 yo to go to the loo alone? Trying to work out if my attitudes to this are 'normal'.

OP posts:

MegBusset · 30/08/2014 23:08

Definitely not. I do let my 7yo if it feels like a safe place (quiet cafe, campsite, NT house etc).

ifyouwish · 30/08/2014 23:14

Not a chance!

duchesse · 30/08/2014 23:17

Nope. Apart from the obvious safety concerns (such as getting caught in a heavy door, pinching fingers, finding the loo in a disgusting state etc...) how many 3 yo can even reach the sink and taps properly to wash their hands afterwards?

I barely even allow my just 5yo to go to the loo at friends' houses alone just because it's not home turf and I don't necessarily trust her to remember to flush etc... let alone public loos.

hippo123 · 30/08/2014 23:21

yes my dd was at 3 (nearer to 4 than 2). only in quiet places that I know well and I can see the door and know no one else is in there and see if someone else goes in. she's tall and very independent. when I feel it's not safe for her to go alone she gets quite annoyed when I insist on going with her at 4. ds has been going to the ladies toilet alone since 4 years in the same circumstances and goes to the male toilets alone now at 7 if I feel they are 'safe'.

MrsMook · 30/08/2014 23:31

DS is too small to get on the toilet or use the sinks and dryers. He also needs help for wiping. When he's tall enough to reach, I'd probably stand outside a cubicle or supervise a doorway. He manages quite independently at home, so by the time he's that tall, he should be fairly trustworthy.

I can remember going in on my own at about 5 or 6 as my dad wouldn't take me to the gents. That would have been in small cafes that were easy to monitor. I would have been used to the routine from school.

Sallystyle · 30/08/2014 23:36

Not at three no, but I did let my DD go when she was 4 with her 6 year old sister as long as I could see the door from where I was sitting.

They are 6 and 8 now and they go together still but I no longer have to be watching them.

BolshierAyraStark · 30/08/2014 23:36

Nope, without a doubt definately not-she's 4

rockybalboa · 30/08/2014 23:37

No. My 3 yo tried to go by himself today (ie ran off without waiting as I was sorting the baby out). He didn't get far.

FatherSpodoKomodo · 30/08/2014 23:40

No way, and I'm pretty lax at that sort of thing. 7 is usually the age I let them go alone. DS2 is different, he's 12 and has ASD and MLD. I usually only let him if either my 15 yo or 10 yo are with us, otherwise I will take him in the disabled toilet. He has no awareness of danger, a fascination with water, and is either totally interested or totally terrified of hand driers!

306235388 · 30/08/2014 23:41

No but my friend does.

306235388 · 30/08/2014 23:42

Oh and tbh it's more for the fact she'd touch the loo, not wash her hands properly and not shut the door rather than any scary danger as such.

ilovelamp2 · 30/08/2014 23:42

Oh dear ! Feeling a bit bad reading these responses. My DD will be four in December and I have recently let her go to the toilet on her own. On holiday she asked to go on her own in the bar/restaurant that we wen to lunch for each day. Small place and I could see toilet door from our table. Now we are back home she has been on her own at soft play places and our local restaurant. She is tall for her age and fiercely independent but perhaps I need to reign her in a bit?!

ladybirdandsnails · 30/08/2014 23:44

Hippo123 glad it's not just me.

DancingDinosaur · 30/08/2014 23:47

My 4 year old is fiercely independent and has a screaming fit if I go in with him. So I loiter around outside listening instead.

ilovelamp2 · 30/08/2014 23:53

Feeling better - it's not just me!

arethereanyleftatall · 30/08/2014 23:54

At 3 no.
But this thread is another example of how I definitely have never met lots of mnetters in real life- dd5 goes alone, perfectly capable, and in all the times I have been out with lots if different friends and their kids, I have never seen a child over the age of 5 accompanied to a toilet.

Beavie · 31/08/2014 00:05

My dd2 (recently turned 4) is fiercely independent and always wants to go to the toilet herself. I don't let her,, mostly so that I can clean the seat of any piss before she sits on it, and make sure she washes her hands afterwards. She doesn't like me actually in the cubicle/room with her, and sits there going "go away Ana!" in an American accent (massive frozen fan, my name isn't Ana), until I leave her in peace. But I am always lurking outside.

ilovelamp2 · 31/08/2014 00:11

We'll, you learn something new every day! I am actually quite precious about DD doing some things on her own but I do try not to discourage her if she wants to be independent and I feel that it is safe to do so. The solo toilet visits have only ever been instigated by her - I do offer to take her, honest! She goes to the toilet on her own at nursery and staff have commented on how she is so proud of herself for managing her clothes, flushing loo and washing hands so I feel that I can trust her to do the same when out and about in small, kid friendly places where she is familiar with set up. Perhaps I'm not as PFB as I thought - yay!

LiegeAndLief · 31/08/2014 00:19

My 5yo often cannot reach the soap and is not strong / dexterous enough to manage the taps (especially those push down ones which can be very stiff).

The 8yo has recently started going on his own but would still prefer to have someone with him! I sent him off to some recently which were outside the building we were in and round the corner (couldn't leave dd and he was desperate), my heart didn't stop pounding until he got back but he managed just fine. Turned out he actually lost his bearings on the way back but very sensibly just asked someone who pointed him in the right direction. I think he has more sense than I give him credit for!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 31/08/2014 00:21

Noooooo apart from all the reasons most posters have gave I can guarantee DS2 would pick the loo that looks like the one from Trainspotting!

AppleAndMelon · 31/08/2014 00:21

Absolutely not!

arethereanyleftatall it's not about whether they are capable - of course they are capable, it's a question of whether they can negotiate (at three) getting locked in, getting them selves wet in the loo, tap going crazy, and, hate to say it, but saying 'no' to anyone inappropriate in there.

I know it's very rare but even tonight on the train my alarm bells went off and so did DH's (didn't realise until we got home) when a strange guy went to the loo just after our son - we were both watching very carefully.

Three/five etc is just too young imo.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 31/08/2014 00:21

My 3 and 5 year old nephews go to the toilet alone at home and out and about. I know from going the loo after them that neither of them flush the toilet, the seat is invariably covered in wee when they are done and (when they are at ours and I ask of they have washed their hands when they reappear) I know they don't remember to wash their hands.

I think until children can flush, leave the toilet clean and can remember to wash hands afterwards they should be accompanied.

It's no wonder I see so many adults waltz out of a cubicle and leave the toilets, bypassing the sink. So grim!

DancingDinosaur · 31/08/2014 00:32

Well every child is different.

Idocrazythings · 31/08/2014 00:50

I don't let my 8 year old go alone. Maybe in another year or two I will.

But then I'm on high alert because an 8 year old girl was murdered going to the disabled toilet by herself whilst her uncle and brothers waited for her in my local shopping centre about 7 years ago.

ilovelamp2 · 31/08/2014 01:11

Obviously if I think she has been a while then I will go in but so far so good. I do think mumsnet is a parallel universe sometimes! Still love it though

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