To hope that one person might genuinely say 'congratulations' about DC5?

[NoRoomForALittleOne]

I am in a pregnant huff! I'm only 5 weeks pg with DC5 but we've chosen to tell two people - one who it affects greatly and another was a good friend who asked a direct question. Neither said congratulations . To be fair this is a total contraceptive failure pregnancy but we are really happy. My pregnancy with DC4 was horrific so people will be concerned for me. But I just know that no-one is going to genuinely congratulate us People already openly judge us for having four children.

CooperG

Um, I think it's very odd to congratulate someone for an unplanned pregnancy. It's like "congratulations, you had sex"? Weird. Confused

Surely then it's just as bad to congratulate someone who is having a planned baby?! 'Congratulations you had sex and luckily for you the sperm found the egg'

You're confused? Hardly surprising given your logic.

I think it's to be expected tbh.

A couple having their first child - very exciting, out of the blue. The second - somewhat exciting, a bit less so. Third onwards and most people have a 'so what' attitude - no excuse to be rude, but mildly pleased for you is probably the most you can expect from others.

We have two, aged 4 and 6 and are starting to think about maybe number 3 in a year or two. But tbh I'm not expecting people to throw their hands up with glee and dance a jig. We've been there, done that. After you have a child, it's what most people do - continue on to have more. So not exactly unexpected.

Anyway - congratulations

Congratulations! Another person in your family. How wonderful! Xx

I am then oldest of ten, there are huge benefits to having nine siblings.

To anyone who says that the taxes we pay do not match the benefits our parents received i would like to point out that six of us currently have jobs that pay 50 grand plus a year and two are still in uni. I haven't done the sums but I suspect that in our lifetime we will manage to repay the benefits.

Hi O.P it was me who asked you about your friend. Ok now I am confused your friend is pregnant yet she never congratulated a fellow pregnant women. That's is weird even by my standards

It takes more than conception and childbirth to make a mother!! Most females can do that. As long as you can afford to provide for your children and are not expecting the taxpayer to pay for them, then OK have all you want. However, Mexican Springtime, instead of congratulating your friend on her fifth pregnancy, when she can't look after the four children she already has, you should have given her a strict talking to. Children are little people and it seems that her children have been uprooted, split up from their brothers and sisters and sent away in all directions!! Do you or your friend care? and what is the future for her new baby going to be???

A huge congratulations to you

I'm pregnant with dc4 and hardly anyone said congratulations including my mum and his dad. Sod em I say!

The boss who would be effected, is it possibly that they are just thinking about ways it will negatively effect them, rather than you as a family? (I'm dying to ask, what is it your DH does? Is he a politician? I can see that would need managing...)

People tend to be genuinely happy for people who doing something they'd like to do themselves or can see why that person would want to do it. For most people, 5 DCs would be a disasterous - so they can't really say 'congratulations' because they can't see why you'd think it was a good thing.

I personally couldn't cope with any more DCs and 5 would be a disaster, but I am not you.

Congratulations!

I think people may be horrified because they would never want or feel able to cope with so many children. That's certainly how I feel, but I would never show it.

Congratulations!

Today I saw a man and woman walking down the road with a number of quite young children. I couldn't count how many children without looking as though I was staring (and possibly judging!) but I think there were 6, maybe 7. They did look as though they were all one family. My thought was: what a lovely family. "Lovely" in terms of how happy the children looked, and in terms of the interactions between the adults and the children.

A lovely and loving family isn't something that's reducible to just numbers.

I wouldn't have a big family I'm happy with my postcard family. Mum dad brother and sister :)

I have loads of nieces and nephews 12 at the age of 28 :) also 6 siblings. Which we all get on. Also got my parents.

Op I think that you should have more, everything about being in a big family was fantastic.

The reason I am not having more is because I couldn't cope

Congratulations. I'm one of five and although I couldn't imagine it for myself (stopped at two), I absolutely love having lots of siblings. And to the incredulous on this thread I can categorically say that none of us ever felt we didn't get enough love, time, blah blah blah but then my mother is pretty awesome.

I wouldn't always congratulate someone who was pregnant. My sis didn't get a congratulations because she chose to bring a child into a horrible situation and all I could think was why would you make a child suffer like that.

Congratulations! I'm pregnant with no. 4 and although most people have been polite, their eyes tell a different story and people have said, "rather you than me" etc a lot more than I'd like!

I think a lot of people find it hard to congratulate because they cant imagine THEIR OWN life with 5 + children and therefore assume your life must be unbearable (which of course it isn't).

This.

Also talking about the UK being over populated and it being enviromentally irresponsible, err no! The birth rate is slowly increasing (by a fraction of a % per year) but it is still much much lower than in previous decades. What has made the most difference is that we are living much longer, there are more pensioners than children. As it stands you are looking at a situation where you, in your later years, will struggle to get care. There will be even less nurses, doctors and carers than there are now and more demand for the aging population. Living into your 80's used to be considered a good long life, now its a shock if you dont.

Feel free to believe that the UK is over populated (based on what evidence?) but dont blame the birth rate or the very few families that are more than the 2.4 you think we should be allowed.

Congratulations!

People are funny things. I remember announcing my 4th at a family meal. There was just a stunned silence, then questions as to why "as we already had boys and girls". In fact, my mother in law barely spoke for the rest of the day :-/

Focus on yourself and your own family. Everyone else will soon get used to it and if they don't it's their problem.

Congratulations!!!

Bringing new people into the world is a deeply personal choice, isn't it? People don't seek opinions as to whether they should or not, they just do what they want. Why then is any kind of validation or approval needed?

If you can support your children and you think that you're right to have multiple children then it's your decision. Having children is inherently selfish; we're all selfish, humans just are selfish. So do what you want - but without expectation of delight from others.

Family and friends may or may not be thrilled for you; it doesn't change the outcome in any way and 'room' is made within the family, it's not that the child is shunned or unaccepted.

It is an odd thing though that whilst people can be indifferent to baby news, they're often genuinely happy to hear of a new cat or dog in the family.

Congratulations OP!