To hope that one person might genuinely say 'congratulations' about DC5?

[NoRoomForALittleOne]

I am in a pregnant huff! I'm only 5 weeks pg with DC5 but we've chosen to tell two people - one who it affects greatly and another was a good friend who asked a direct question. Neither said congratulations . To be fair this is a total contraceptive failure pregnancy but we are really happy. My pregnancy with DC4 was horrific so people will be concerned for me. But I just know that no-one is going to genuinely congratulate us People already openly judge us for having four children.

It's tough one to call without knowing what 'affected' means.
A work colleague has 4 kids and always came back off maternity leave already pregnant with the next. Absolutely her right but it did begun to grate when you'd just finished covering her workload too know it was about to all start again a few months later. I suspect the congratulations for number 4 were perceived as a little stilted.
So if the 'affected' impact is big then yes it's fair enough to react as they did
But you know what - congratulations and enjoy (because it's unlikely to affect me!)

Oh and good luck with the pregnancy. I had rough ones too.

Oh I see, she just knew about your four children as they were with you. Got it!

Who cares what your MIL thinks, you are giving your children the best set up for life, a family

The old lady at the hairdressers doesn't know! She was judging the four we have. And they hardly said a word and sat super still because they like watching at the hairdressers so they weren't even a tiny bit noisy!

DH's job is very public so I'm not going in to why we told his boss so soon. He did say that he was extremely grateful that we told him so soon because of the impact it has.

I had nothing but negative comments when I had #5 and #6. Some people were downright rude, it was quite shocking.

NEWSFLASH - Just because you are so hopeless that you cant cope with 2 doesnt mean you get to be rude to me because I cope very well with 6! The worst comments did come from women who are open about they hate motherhood.

BTW, congratualtions :o

Well I sorry but if you were my "good friend" and your last pregnancy was "horrific" I don't think congratulations would be my first thought. I'd be terribly worried about you.

But why does you having 5 children affect the boss?

Oh and yes, we have been judged simply on the numbers before. We were at a cafe, the kids were sitting quite happily, not making a racket, not running around. yet the family with 2 kids who were running around and screaYming their heads off didnt get a single filthy look. We got lots!

How do you know the woman was judging you?

Bakeoff why does it matter, its none of your business!

A lot of pregnancies are horrific, but you get a lovely baby at the end

A hot curry can be horrific afterwards but it doesn't stop you eating it

If a friend told me their news I would congratulate them as it's rude to do anything else, if they then go on to bemoan it then and only then can I chop in with any opinions I might have

My friend told me she was expecting dc5 last week and I was thrilled for her. Babies are lovely and a cause for celebration, no matter where they come in the family. When I told DH, though, he was all 'are they mad?'

Congratulations!

"Every one of those people pulling the lemonsucking face will have also had a fleeting thought along the lines of 'but that's also pretty damn amazing - FIVE!'"

Somehow I doubt it. I wouldn't think somebody was "damn amazing" for having five children.

No excuse for being rude though unless the OP had said it was not planned in which case congratulations may not have been the appropriate word.

Bogey sorry, whats none if my business?

yy DaisyFlowerChain

There is no excuse for rudeness, none whatever. That said, people should not have expectations of congratulating somebody placed on them. What's the point? You either pass on the information for information's sake or you don't. Some people will be delighted, some not, some indifferent.

Some people may wish you well and hope you have a safe pregnancy

But will not congratulate you because they may not agree with people having such big families whatever the circumstances

So to congratulate you would be hypocritical

Congratulations!

Although maybe your friend was trying not to be insensitive if she knows how badly you suffered last time and that this one was unplanned. I'm currently going through a dreadful pregnancy and I've only told a few people (although it's pretty obvious now!) who are being careful not to be gushing or excited about the baby because frankly I'm not in that mindset yet. One person has told me I should be happier and that it will 'all be worth it in the end' which I found dismissive and upsetting. So your friend may be trying to be considerate and waiting for your cue for how she is supposed to respond.

Congratulations!

Mil's response to my telling her we were expecting dc3 was to say 'Oh no!', so I understand you don't want to tell your mil given she's already been so negative.

You could always not tell her and wait till she guesses. Or if she grumbles tell her her little boy is a tiger in the sack and you just can't resist him, that should shut her up

At least I'm laughing now! Thanks Coffeethrow

See, we're all different, that 'tiger in the sack' comment made me feel a bit sick . I'd never say anything like that. I'm just coy and horribly private.

Me neither lying, simply not respectful to a spouses parent.

Congratulations! I have found the congratulations stop after 2. Someone on another thread said that any after 2 was selfish and environmentally unfriendly.

I work full time, we get no benefits, no family nearby so don't sponge off anyone else, and we mostly got horrified whys? when we announced we were expecting our 3rd. I was quite shocked. Work didn't even bother with a gift this time :/