To let 16yo DS dye his hair?

[CallMeExhausted]

My DS is very socially awkward and has a hefty dose of "not concerned about what others think" but not in a bad way. He hangs out with the "odd" kids at school - the creative but brainy types and loves programming computers and working in the metal shop fabricating his own creations.

In the last year, he has sprouted up from about 5'8 to well over 6'2 and was exceptionally self conscious about his height to the point that he did his best to blend into the background which is not easy when you tower over your family

Over the summer, he has decided that if he is going to stick out, he might as well do it in a way he can have fun with. Prior to the end of the school year, he asked me if he could dye a streak in his hair. He added a blue streak that faded quickly, but was quite happy with it.

Now, he has asked me if he can dye his hair purple all over before he returns to school on Tuesday. As it does not contravene the school dress code, I have agreed (and am actually helping him with it - mostly so that he doesn't also dye my house purple).

I know his father (my XH) will not be thrilled, but since he is barely a part of DS's life, I don't really care, and neither does DS.

The way I see it, hair is the safest way to rebel. It will still be in a neat, short style, and the colour does fade fairly quickly. He is a very good kid - polite and respectful - and a good student. His small group of friends are very similar to him. With the hell some of my friends are going through with their teens, I know how lucky we are.

So, tomorrow he goes purple... have I lost my mind?

I've been dying my hair all colours since about 13. I'm 35 now and got my first tattoo at 32 to mark a huge change in my life. Second ear holes at 34, just because. Currently pink haired. 20 years from crazy hair to tattoo, via grown up jobs and studies. Not so bad, I reckon.

My 8 year old has a magenta dip dye. She wears make up ( at home) loves experimenting with nail art, sews, knits and has vowed never to smoke or have a tat. I'm happy with that.

Phaedra I agree that my use of the word "letting" might have been odd, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it. After all, his initial question was "Mum, before school starts again, can I please dye my hair?"

He then showed me the different products he had researched, the videos he had watched about specifically how to do the dyeing, the colours he liked... that is just his way.

Aside from "you might not like it" or "it could wreck your ridiculously thick, fast growing, I am SO jealous hair" I could not think of any compelling reason for him not to, so instead I asked if he wanted me to give him a hand with it.

His father probably will give him grief over it, but DS doesn't really care about that part of it all.

Phaedra, of course it is up to OP to decide. He's not an adult, he lives at home, and he's still at school. She can tell him he's not allowed to dye his hair, just as the school can (but luckily doesn't).

Oops sorry, cross-post with the OP!

I dunno, around here it's considered completely normal to ask your parent about something like that while you're still at highschool/living at home.

Koala the OP wasn't asking from the point of view of allowing him. See her reply to me.

Honestly I'm shocked that unless there were reasons re school or work place rules that you think the colour of an adult's hair has anything to do with their parents. A 16 year old is an adult.

Hope your DS likes it OP. I've got sensible job and purple hair. It took me until I was 39 to experiment and I've not looked back. I don't really understand the rules about hair dye at school. Actually think tramlines look worse but they seem to be allowed.

I saw her reply, but that is what she was asking in her OP - 'let' and 'allow' in this context means the same thing.

Isn't 18 the age of adulthood in the UK? I read the other day that if a child leaves home without permission from their parents at the age of 16, they can be returned by social services; how is that an adult?

Not in Scotland. You are free to leave school, leave home , get a job and get married at 16 without any parental consent. If said 16 is lucky enough to have the money they can buy or let their own home too. Social Services will definitely not make them go home and have no power to do so.

I don't know about England but I'd be surprised if a 16 year old can be forced to return.

I don't know about Canada, but here in the U.S. a regular 16 year old is not considered an adult at all.

If my son was 16 and wanted to dye his hair it would have plenty to do with me, I wouldn't want to find my towels, bathroom and bedding purple without making some contingency plans first.

DH used hair dye and turned everything grey including his neck and bleached the pillowcase where he hadn't rinsed it out properly and he was about 45

Even purple can't be as bad as the damage from the Sun-In I used to overuse liberally when I was 16...

In Canada, unless there are extenuating circumstances, the only way a 16 year old can be legally responsible for themselves is to be declared an "emancipated minor" by the courts. This is the case for every facet aside from health care - at 16, you are responsible for your health related decisions, but for important matters (critical diagnoses, for example) you will be encouraged to have your parents involved (with your consent, of course).

When DS had the streak done in his hair, it was at a salon, and I had to sign a consent form to allow it.

With regard to leaving home, being forced to return at 16 is unlikely, but SS support will be ensured (if the 16 year old doesn't fight it) until at least 18.

YANBU, my 13y has had me dip dye hers in honour of the new term (her uniform code won't stretch to non natural colours).

DD1 would have lighter ends too, but we were too cautious, and her darker hair doesn't look much different.

They have years of crappy school uniform and years and years and years of work dress codes to put up with. Why not have fun while he can.

I originally dyed my hair brightest bright red so that the people who stared at me were staring at me for something I'd chosen rather than for my wheelchair. I've been purple, and blue and pink and other colours since. And for the last few years I've been rocking my natural hair colour. But one day soon I'll probably go purple again.

At nearly 20 mine has never dyed his hair or had a piercing. He is however covered in tattoos.

16 year olds arnt forced to return home, they do help with supported living though.

Gosh CallMeExhausted - I now have school envy (my DCs are at a slightly uptight UK Grammar School that has has hissy fits over any deviation from dress code).

I expected my 16 year olds to ask my permission to do stuff while they lived in my house at my expense. I wouldn't have been unduly horrified by hair dye ( mine is purple) but was happy to discuss it with them first and for them to check I was OK with it.

dementedma really you expect a 16 year old (who is an adult in the UK) to discuss and check with you that you are happy what colour his/her hair can be?

I'm flabbergasted.

In my son's case it was a uniform violation and it needed a short back and sides the day term started but beyond that it is simply not any of my business.

Nor did he need my permission for his ear piercings. The earrings had to come out for school but otherwise not for me to say no.

He sounds lovely - I'd let him (though school wouldn't allow it) if he is coming out of his shell.

While they live with me in my house at my expense and expect me to fund their lifestyles then yeah, what they do is my business. Having said that, it wasn't asking permission, more chatting with me about options and what did I think etc. Couldn't have actually stopped them doing it, and didn't, but was nice to be asked.