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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let 16yo DS dye his hair?

88 replies

CallMeExhausted · 30/08/2014 04:25

My DS is very socially awkward and has a hefty dose of "not concerned about what others think" but not in a bad way. He hangs out with the "odd" kids at school - the creative but brainy types and loves programming computers and working in the metal shop fabricating his own creations.

In the last year, he has sprouted up from about 5'8 to well over 6'2 and was exceptionally self conscious about his height to the point that he did his best to blend into the background which is not easy when you tower over your family

Over the summer, he has decided that if he is going to stick out, he might as well do it in a way he can have fun with. Prior to the end of the school year, he asked me if he could dye a streak in his hair. He added a blue streak that faded quickly, but was quite happy with it.

Now, he has asked me if he can dye his hair purple all over before he returns to school on Tuesday. As it does not contravene the school dress code, I have agreed (and am actually helping him with it - mostly so that he doesn't also dye my house purple).

I know his father (my XH) will not be thrilled, but since he is barely a part of DS's life, I don't really care, and neither does DS.

The way I see it, hair is the safest way to rebel. It will still be in a neat, short style, and the colour does fade fairly quickly. He is a very good kid - polite and respectful - and a good student. His small group of friends are very similar to him. With the hell some of my friends are going through with their teens, I know how lucky we are.

So, tomorrow he goes purple... have I lost my mind?

OP posts:
chinamoon · 30/08/2014 09:42

Let him do it. It's a really sweet, harmless rite of passage and it can look so beautiful. So long as school doesn't ban him.

DSs are both desperate to dye their hair cyan blue but I said they can't at current school, so have to wait until 6th form when they can move to another school with looser dress codes.

LightastheBreeze · 30/08/2014 09:44

I would say go for it, the only reservation I would have is if he is looking for a job, when DS was that age he got a job which may not have have employed him with purple coloured hair.

MomOfABeast · 30/08/2014 09:53

Your son sounds awesome! Of course he should bean,e to dye his hair, it might be the only time in his life he can express himself like this let him go for it and have fun!

BlueBrightBlue · 30/08/2014 09:55

We use this ( In school holidays only) It isn't permanent and works well on light hair. I wouldn't recommend bleaching the hair of young people as it can cause baldness( though a streak should be ok). I have a friend who bleached his hair in the 80's and it never grew back properly.
ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41NlJDovofL.AA160.jpg
Expect to pay £3 to £4 for a bottle.
We buy ours from an Afro Caribbean beauty shop and it comes in lots of mouth watering colours.
Crazy colour is rubbish nowadays, wouldn't bother.

OwlCapone · 30/08/2014 09:59

I'm really surprised these sorts of colours aren't against the school dress code! They'd get DSs sent home until it was returned to a natural colour. (Which reminds me, I really need to get DS1s hair cut to remove the artificially "sun bleached" look before next week!)

School rules aside, I don't think I'd let them dye it completely but a streak would be fine.

TheHorseHasBolted · 30/08/2014 10:07

Your son sounds a lot like mine in many ways, and I would be delighted if mine wanted to dye his hair! Sadly, he's not even adventurous enough to do that, he hates being noticeable. I think it's a great idea and you are doing the right thing by encouraging him - he's at a good age to be experimenting with his image.

BlueBrightBlue · 30/08/2014 10:17

It's a rite of passage and not permanent like ear stretching or tattoos.

ohtheholidays · 30/08/2014 10:22

Yes let him do it,I bet it'll look great!

I let my children dye they're hair if they want to,whatever weird and wonderful color they want in the school holidays,not allowed it whilst at school(school rules)which I think is daft but I go along with the school.

It never does any harm,I was a punk when I was 13 and then a goth when I was 16.I was the most artistic with the way I looked when I was a teenager but I was also the best behaved out of all my friends.

My Dad hated it but my Mum wasn't daft she said let her experiment with the way she looks,let her find herself.Best thing my mother ever did.

All my friends were never given that opportunity and Oh did they Rebel and in awful ways,some are still affected by those choices even now and were all 39/40 now.

Mrsjayy · 30/08/2014 10:25

Yeah let him he sounds like he is coming out of his shell and wants to make a statement its just hair the dye fades and hair can be cut.

makeminea6x · 30/08/2014 10:27

I used to dye my hair purple and blue when I was a teenager. I have no tattoos or piercings. Not convinced it's a "gateway drug"!

Notacs · 30/08/2014 10:29

Yeah, it's his hair after all. :)

I think the only thing I would do is be prepared for him to hate it. I'm blonde and when I was expecting dd I dyed mine brown and I just started crying in the hairdressers, I couldn't get used to it. She put it back immediately to how it was!

Mrsjayy · 30/08/2014 10:33

My dh is weird about dds dyeing their hair dd1 never does it now but when she was 16 hers was black with red highlights dh used to go all prim and say oh whats she needing to do that for blah blah, but when we were going out I had plum red purple hair not all at once obviously

todayisnottheday · 30/08/2014 10:53

My dd is this age and socially quite awkward. She's had so much fun dying her hair recently, it's almost like she washes in confidence and attitude along with the bright blue/purple/red. Definitely go for it, hair can be altered in no time if need be - especially on a boy who can carry off a buzz cut for a couple of months if need be!

Original poster
CallMeExhausted · 30/08/2014 12:43

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the dress code is not an issue - his philosophy class is taught by a fantastic woman with rainbow hair, and it is a running joke that no one knows what colour the headmaster's hair will be from week to week.

His school is one of the top 50 in the nation - but I guess the ranking does not include uniformity of appearance. DS is a member of the school's GSA (gay/straight alliance) and at the end of the year last year, probably 30% of the group's membership had "wild" hair.

Work is not an issue either - he repairs and builds computers with a couple of friends. They won't worry about it, and he has an established clientele that are more concerned about his abilities than his hair colour.

As for "allowing" him - he is a young man who asks permission. From grabbing a piece of fruit or a drink between meals to going out with friends, it was a rule we established when he was a tot and it stuck. He'll even text me if he is out and wants to change plans. The funny thing is that I am not what most would call a particularly strict parent, he just operates well within a world that has predictable rules and routines.

He asked me if he could dye his hair of his own volition - and if I had said no, he would have abided by it. That is just the way he is. He is not the kind of kid who would run out and get something pierced or tattooed because I said no.

I do grasp how bloody lucky I am Grin

Maybe I will share a pic of his new hair once it is done with his permission, of course

OP posts:
LightastheBreeze · 30/08/2014 12:55

Sounds good to me.

MissMillament · 30/08/2014 12:58

Where do you live - I want to teach in that school!

Septbaby · 30/08/2014 13:17

Do it!! I had pillar box red hair from ages 16 - 19 and wish more than anything I could have it back (boring grown up job Sad ) it's great fun, and like plenty have said it's just hair, it grows again! Grin

WineWineWine · 30/08/2014 13:57

In an effort to be 'different' kids dye their hair, next its piercings, then tattoos.
No I don't buy that. Some kids might, but lots won't. I had colourful hair for the same reasons as the OP - I wanted to be in control of being different. I never had any desire to do anything beyond colouring my hair.

FryOneFatManic · 30/08/2014 15:13

I've never seen a problem with colouring hair.

Mum began bleaching hers at the age of 13.

I began at 14. I colour it now to cover premature grey.

DD is 14 and has asked to try a semi-permanent. Because of her school rules, we'll try something out at Xmas, as there'll be time to sort it out if it doesn't work.

I'm 45 now, the only piercings I have are 2 in each ear, and 4 tattoos that you won't see unless I'm swimming.

And the vast majority of people buying hair colour are women trying to cover grey, changing colour, etc and they don't all have tats and extra piercings.

Original poster
CallMeExhausted · 30/08/2014 15:18

MissMillament - in Canada.

We were very fortunate that we live in the catchment area for this school, but even if we didn't, we would have petitioned to get him in. It is the one publicly funded school that runs "enriched" level courses (gifted/high percentile/whatever the identification euphemism is this week). However, they also have a really broad selection of available courses. In the past, DS has taken manufacturing, drastic arts, computer programming and robotics. This year, in addition to the compulsory courses, he is taking anthropology, philosophy, manufacturing, computer programming and dramatic arts.

The student population is as widely varied as the course selection. DS has found a good place here Grin

OP posts:
dawndonnaagain · 30/08/2014 15:19

Ds2 is 19. He has been orange, red, blue, purple and is currently green. He's happy.

Original poster
CallMeExhausted · 30/08/2014 15:19

Ummm...DRAMATIC arts. It wasn't terribly drastic Grin

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 30/08/2014 15:27

Your son sounds lovely he really does we are always reading bad teens this unruly teens that and the ordinary nice teenagers are forgotten sorry I know this is about hairdye but he does sound great

bloodyteenagers · 30/08/2014 15:33

In an effort to be 'different' kids dye their hair, next its piercings, then tattoos.

I don't know where this fits in with the above.
One has just had her first tattoo done. She has no piercing or ever coloured her hair. It's sentimental to her and was designed for something else by her friend who passed away.
One has been colouring hair for about 9 years. No piercing or tattoos. He doesn't like either. He just likes messing with his hair.
Then there's the one that has a small tattoo on ankle and one on wrist. Was the first of mine to get tattoo. Has various piercing - tongue, spiders kiss, nose, and has a small spacer. Half head shaved.. But strangely all this was done before she coloured her hair.

PhaedraIsMyName · 30/08/2014 15:40

I was a bit nonplussed at the thread title as "letting" a 16 year old dye his hair seems very odd terminology. It's not for you to decide. However that's not really what you were asking.

Speaking as a previously purple haired teenager, I would let him! similar here but ours had to go as definitely breached the uniform rules.