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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nurseries are people's first choice?

130 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 29/08/2014 21:43

I have a 5 month old DS and today I sorted out his childcare for when I return to work. We have registered him with a childminder and for some reason I didn't even contemplate using a nursery.

However, it feels like in many MN threads (in differing topic sections) most children that are talked about are in nurseries as opposed to having a childminder.

Is nursery more 'the norm' now and am I depriving my DS of something by using a CM instead? There must be a reason why nurseries seem to be the preferred option for parents?

OP posts:
EmeraldLion · 30/08/2014 09:48

My cm charges £3.50 ph per child for after school care.

During the holidays when they were there all day, it's £31 a day per child.

motherinferior · 30/08/2014 09:51

There are excellent options in all categories. It completely depends on what is available and what works for you.

I had a marvellous childminder for both my two - I can't thank her enough, and neither can my daughters. And all the kids she looked after, as well as the other ones in her network, went to the same (free) nursery a few mornings a week in any case, so they got that as well. It worked very very well and I never worried for a minute.

LadyRabbit · 30/08/2014 10:04

Not for us, nursery would be our last choice. IMO it goes Mum/Dad > Family member > Nanny > childminder > nursery. That's not to say there are some very good nurseries out there or fabulous childminders but they simply can't focus on your child and your child only which is crucial when they are very small. This was further confirmed by our child's nanny who previously worked in a well regarded nursery - it is impossible to give each child as much attention as they really need at that age, there just aren't enough staff to go round.

I'm also a bit Hmm when people say they think their 6 month old needs socialising!!! A 2 year old maybe but a baby?!

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 30/08/2014 10:14

I think it's because DS will be so young (10 months) that I want him to be in a home from home environment where there will be less adults/children so he won't feel overwhelmed by all the noise and activity.

They have another 2 children who are pre-school age (an 18m/o and a 2yr old) but the rest of the children go to school so at least in the day my DS will have lots of focused attention.

I asked about school runs but because there are the two of them (husband and wife) it isn't an issue as the husband does the school drop offs and pick ups whilst the wife stays at home with the other children.

My colleague said that once when her car was off the road for 3 days the husband childminder actually came to her house to pick the children up in the morning and then dropped them back off at their home once the mom got back from work. That's pretty good service.

I'm going to see them again next month and taking DH with me this time so he can see if he feels comfortable with the choice.

I always had a childminder when I was younger (from age 4 to 11) and I loved it - that's probably what's influencing my choice. My DH on the other hand had a SAHM so childcare is a bit foreign to him - I think, like other posters have said, he finds the concept of a child being in someone else's house a little odd.

OP posts:
writtenguarantee · 30/08/2014 10:25

we used to live in a smaller city and used a child minder there, but now live in London. The problem in London with childminders is that they generally have teeny tiny flats with very cramped play areas. That's why in London I much prefer a nursery.

TouchOfNatural · 30/08/2014 11:58

Written that's strange! I'm in London and have a lovely garden and

TouchOfNatural · 30/08/2014 12:00

Oops!

... Plenty of space. Know quite a few childminders and they have good space. But of course you will get those in tiny flats too. They will be restricted in how many children they can look after and would have to ensure they have outdoor time every day.

Happy36 · 30/08/2014 12:09

Writerwannabe83

Presuming you live in the U.K. so this is really just another perspective - we live in Spain and here the nursery / nanny thing seems to have a class divide.

I was brought up in France and went to a nursery from 18 months even though my mum didn´t work as that was the done thing there at the time, believing that toddlers need to socialise and also get used to rules and authority of other adults. I guess by and large I agree with that system as I loved my time at nursery, as did my brothers and sisters.

Therefore whilst we have a (part-time) nanny/housekeeper, for all sorts of reasons, (it´s quite common here, much more so than in the U.K.), she or we did take our children to nursery from 18 months to 3, when they started school.

However, we do know many other children who haven´t been to nursery at all and it´s clear the parents think it´s a lower class thing and prefer their kids to be looked after at home by a nanny. The children who were at our kids´ nurseries appeared to be from lower or middle income families (like us!!)

For me I can see arguments in favour of both styles of childcare and personally would never make a decision based on class - Spanish culture seems a little old-fashioned in this respect. It´s really down to each family, their arrangements and the quality of childcare provision in their local area.

Perhaps a nursery is favoured by some parents as there is no risk of the carer being ill or unable to provide the childcare for other personal reasons so the parent knows they will always be able to rely on the nursery??

longestlurkerever · 30/08/2014 12:18

It really depends. I liked the idea of a childminder because of the chance to build a bond with one carer but I couldn't find one who was just right and then a nursery opened close by which was only for babies and it was just lovely and dd thrived there. She was only going for 2 days a week and that factored into my decision. I had read stuff about nurseries being stressful for young children but I wasn't making a decision about the average baby in the average nursery but a decision about what was best for my particular baby in my particular circumstances and her temperament, the nursery in question and the hours involved all played a part in my decision. Just visit a few and choose what you're happy with - don't worry too much about what other people do. Best of luck.

ikeaismylocal · 30/08/2014 12:50

We are very lucky in that we have found a nursery which whilst having the things that I think are important in a nursery such as the children being in one place rather than going on school pick ups/other children's hobbies/shopping and also the reliability of back up if the teacher or teacher's dc are ill it is a tiny nursery and the children are split into groups and always have the same 1 teacher and each group has their own room. Each group is 5 children but often there is only 2,3,4 children in that day. In the afternoon all 3 groups play together but the children are only cared for by their teacher so ds's nappy is only changed by one person and if he wants a cuddle it's always his teacher.

We love his teacher, she is in her late 40s and has children herself, she is the most lovely patient person I have ever met!

Ds only goes 3 times a week but it really is like a little family.

Viviennemary · 30/08/2014 12:55

I think a lot of people opt for nurseries because some childminders can be unreliable and/or not very flexible. If you haven't got back-up childcare you have got problems if your CM goes on holiday, or has to give up. And also there are some childminders who just drag children around wherever they go. and really the children they mind are simply not their priority it would seem.

Longtalljosie · 30/08/2014 13:05

Please don't worry - you've made exactly the right choice Thanks

DaisyFlowerChain · 30/08/2014 13:17

It's so often bandied about on MN to become a childminder so you can stay home with your own children so I doubt it's a vocation for many. Nursery staff obviously want to work with children in the main or they would do something different.

I agree Viviennemary, some children are taken out for school runs, shopping, after school activities for the minders own children. It's fine if you don't mind the bad sides if cheaper but not something I'd like.

For me, using a CM I'd constantly be on edge as everything is outside your control. There's no say in if the CM gets a dog, if there are guests, not knowing where your child is etc.

catkind · 30/08/2014 13:43

We pay slightly less for our CM than we did for nursery. And she's one of the more expensive CMs we talked to.

She does have a school run, but doesn't bother us. They chat in the car, listen to music, one time when CM gave me a lift they were doing some phonics which DD loves. They usually stop off at the park next to the school after they've dropped off. If we were at home with her she'd be going on a school run anyway.

The mixed age thing is a big plus for us, having a 2 yr old who's used to playing with her 5 yr old brother and 5 yr old toys. I don't think a 2 yr old room in nursery would keep her entertained for long. CM has much more scope to work with her at her own level than a nursery would.

northernmummeh · 30/08/2014 13:47

Dd is in a nursery cos despite contacting 30+ local childminders not one could offer a full time place! Some had really random availability, "is Tuesday morning and a Friday afternoon ok?" Um not really. If I out her with a childminder I'd have to use about 4 to cover the time I'm in work!

SuperScrimper · 30/08/2014 14:06

I considered a child minder. Then I met a few and realised it seemed to be something to earn money that fits in around their children.

We went with nursery.

Notacs · 30/08/2014 14:18

I think the main thing is not to close your mind against one or the other. I lean towards nursery but I did use a childminder when DS was a baby as I knew her and liked her.

Even so it wasn't a 'home from home' environment and I'd have been as happy with a nursery.

Good childcare is good childcare really.

Ionacat · 30/08/2014 15:16

It all depends on what's nearby, full time, part time etc. DD is with an amazing childminder, nursery was not for me, round my way they are mostly staffed by 18 year olds straight out of college and having taught some of them - wouldn't want them looking after my DD for many reasons! I think those of us with great childminders wouldn't swap and would really recommend them and mine takes DD to preschool now we get funding, but trying to find a good childminder can be nightmare.

TerrifiedMothertobe · 30/08/2014 18:53

Down to what's available and also what is right for your child, and for working parents. One size does not fit all.

Purplepoodle · 30/08/2014 19:44

Depends on what you want and type of personality your child has. I didn't want my children dragged out in the middle of their nap time to do schools runs so that was the main thing that put me off childminders. Plus most of the childminders seem a bit disengaged with the children and had too many kids for the one to one style of care I would expect from a childminder.

Orangeisthenewbanana · 30/08/2014 21:20

Just thought of another possible advantage of nursery for us. My parents have DD one day a week and on the odd occasions when they can't have her (holidays etc) it gives us another option rather than always having to take leave to cover the childcare. We can book her in for extra sessions if they have space. Am sure some childminders can offer this but it might depend if they are part time or the numbers of other children they look after?

SpiceAddict · 30/08/2014 21:54

I looked at for a CM first but couldn't find any which were suitable. I did find one lady who was just starting out as a CM and seemed nice & caring - but she cancelled the settling in sessions twice, which made me feel that she wouldn't be reliable.

The other two CMs had dogs which I did not like. But actually, I wasn't that keen on the idea of my DC being driven around by someone else and dragged out in all weathers. So we chose a nursery.

writtenguarantee · 31/08/2014 00:36

.... Plenty of space. Know quite a few childminders and they have good space. But of course you will get those in tiny flats too. They will be restricted in how many children they can look after and would have to ensure they have outdoor time every day.

I am sure some people have plenty of space. The few we saw didn't. Some of them had a garden that could compensate, but it rains a fair bit here. nurseries simply have a much bigger space.

We did temporarily have a childminder with a small space, and my daughter absolutely loved them. Of course space isn't the only issue. But I think it's a big part of it.

seasavage · 31/08/2014 00:45

I chose a childminder while they were very much babies. I found nurseries were confusing (but energetic) places that I couldn't see them enjoying until they were old enough to take a step further than playgroups etc. The childminder attended the same groups as me and was well recomended.
Nurseries change staff very quickly, that put me off too. The childminder is still someone the girls will run to chat to when they see her.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 31/08/2014 00:49

I did both. DS1 went to nursery part-time when he was 9mo, DS2 went to a CM part-time when he was 12mo. On balance, I FAR preferred the CM. But she was an angel, sent me to just when I needed her (DH had walked out), and I think there was something fateful about it all.

Nurseries are great to get them ready for school. But my CM was lovely for babies - really kind, personal, calm, and cosy.