Would it be unreasonable to not accept work in these circumstances

[Notacs]

I have a professional qualification.

I have the opportunity to work again (had a baby in April) very part time and temporary. Work when my qualification is recognised is about £120 per day.

But if my qualification is ignored I can be offered work at £60 per day. Would it be unreasonable to turn it down?

I feel for you Notacs. I returned to teaching when dd was 18mnths because my dh insisted. I didn't want to. I had lost all confidence. I taught in a SN school since leaving college and worked my way up to Head of department.

I'm waffling now but what I wanted to say was that I totally understand the lack of confidence and anxiety thing,
My dd will be 5 soon and I'm still doing supply. I am so glad he gave the push because I did not want to do it and felt like I couldn't do it. I only usually work a couple of days a month. I recently worked 3 months full time through the council(work I got through a recommendation my another Ht at a school I had supplied with agency.) Good luck with everything. PM me if you need to xx

Thank you.

But it wouldn't just have been that would it - there would have been questions about what I could afford and how childcare fits into it and slowly a picture emerges and I just wanted to avoid that by saying from the start I didn't want ro discuss details, but people filled in the gaps anyway.

you coudl walk away from the thread OP.
be strong in your decisions.

Roger, I'm making a decision, thanks, many decisions

Notacs, you are twisting yourself in knots over your whole situation.

Please read and believe this:
You have the right to be and do what you want.

You are an autonomous adult in charge of her own life.

You do NOT have to justify or even explain any one else about your life decisions.

Sometimes escape can be as simple as getting packed up and walking away into a newly rented flat and sorting out your life from that point onwards.

Do post in relshps, honestly only the stupid insensitive push repeatedly for inappropriate info.

you can get this thread deleted.

your life sounds incredibly difficult right now. maybe it's better to start a new thread, change the details, and try and work out an escape plan? i'm worried that your situation sounds really quite dire, yet your plans don't seem to enable you to leave, they just sound like a time bomb to me. i don't believe you'll be able to work without your dh finding out.

Newly rented flats need money :)

The trouble is, posing the question about taking supply work as a TA or holding out for supply teaching jobs is so far from the heart of your problem, OP.

To someone in a secure relationship, with a DH earning an average or above salary, then the answer would be a resounding, no, hold out for teaching work.

To a woman in your situation with a controlling, stalking DH who is abusing you and frightening you and making you panicky on an anonymous forum, the answer is completely different. The answer is, take whatever work you can, work for £20 per day, stop spending on anything above essentials, start a separate bank account and squirrel away every single £5 you can so that you have an emergency fund to GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR SCREWWED UP MARRIAGE PRONTO.

I know. But ultimately I'm going to have to be able to prove I can support myself and two children.

Getting £20 a day won't really help with that unfortunately - and I'm just worried if I accept that work I won't ever get teaching work.

Yes, your fear is right. I would not accept cover supervisor jobs. Wait for properly qualified jobs. Don't sell yourself short, £20 a day will get you nowhere. And it will lower your self esteem, which is the last thing you need now. Good luck.

Why do you have to prove that you can support yourself and two children?

Is there really nothing you could sell, or borrow from to get a deposit together?

If you are married you'll get 50% of the assets of the marriage. He should pay some support for DC. If you worked even at nmw for 16+ hours you'd get tax credits which is livable on.

But above all, your life and that of your DC would become peaceful, dignified and free again. Which is worth so much.

You could contact womens aid or the CAB and ask for a detailed picture of how you could be helped to leave and what your finances would look like afterwards. You'd also get some rl support, which you sound like you could do with more than anything else.

ok what about emotionally, what sort of job could you do when you are a single parent?

Money isn't the problem. I would not be entitled to a single penny from the state so I need to be able to sort that.

Why not a single penny? If you were working part time with young children, surely you'd get child benefit? Tax credit?

No, I've got quite a lot of money but can't access it easily

I think that if you are not valued in your relanionship and you not at work either it will be not good for your self esteem.?
Also your h might use this (you not earning much after childcare) as a stick against you and against your self esteem.

It might be better to wait for the 120pd job but be very proactive.

Also i think that you need a permanent job (if thats possible) with certain hours in order to get some security.

Temps jobs and uncertain hours can actually be worst than not working in the case of leaving h? I think. I am not sure about this, others will know better.

how can you access it so you can leave?

I know what you mean lac but the actual act balancing very young dd marriage breakdown house move AND full time job are going to be challenging to say the least.

Eddie I don't know I really don't have a clue what I am trying to do, lol. My best I suppose

Notacs. I think you're getting a really interrogative time on here, probably because people didn't grasp the situation. I really hope you sort things out. Look after yourself

I hope you sort things out. Out of interest is your DH willing to give you a decent amount of money to live on if you don't return to work? Did you know his views on you returning to work before you married him/had a baby with him? Sounds like a difficult situation for you.

AnyFucker on rereading the tread I owe you an apology. I had thought your second comment had been made later in the thread than it was - scrolling on this phone on holiday meant I got that wrong.
I still think the OP was interrogated and criticised a bit and some people still pressed too much imo.
That doesn't include you though so I'd like to say I'm sorry for misreading.

Puddy, DH is on the face of it keen and supportive re my returning to work, but his delightful MO is to sabotage me at every turn then inform me I can't cope. Then he can (and has ) given others a story which puts him in the position of "well you know her, I do my best and work full time but she just can't cope with being a mum and working so it all falls on me blah blah."

I'm wise to it now but it still smarts. It's upsetting to feel like you're so useless you can make the most meagre contribution.

Notacs, even if you have saving etc, if you can't access them, or if your DH would make this difficult for you in some way, you can still claim benefits I think. For example, a person who has sold their house, and needs to rent somewhere temporarily could still be entitled to housing benefit, as the amount from the sale is earmarked to buy a new home.

I think you need to get some actual, real, advice from the DWP and the Tax Credits about what you actually would be entitled to.
You should also contact Womens Aid, as they can help you with these practical details.
I get the feeling you are a bit Rabbit-in headlights , understandably, and focusing on the wrong things.

Of course you will go back to work, when you are ready, and you will earn what you are qualified, and eventually support both your children as a lone parent. In the mean time, there is a lot of help, financial and otherwise, that nothing, actually, is stopping you from accessing.

Thanks for that, ILS. I did think you targeted me unfairly back there.

I hope you can find a solution that works for you as soon as possible, op