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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it be unreasonable to not accept work in these circumstances

149 replies

Notacs · 29/08/2014 20:01

I have a professional qualification.

I have the opportunity to work again (had a baby in April) very part time and temporary. Work when my qualification is recognised is about £120 per day.

But if my qualification is ignored I can be offered work at £60 per day. Would it be unreasonable to turn it down?

OP posts:
Judo123 · 30/08/2014 10:11

Notacs

I also found your reply to one of the other posters quite abrupt and borderline rude.

I realise you didn't mean it to come across that way but you are now complaining that someone is speculating on your job (that you have not yet started.

People are having to speculate as you have withheld information. That is your right to do so but other posters are responding to your post to try to help you with your predicatment.

I think the poster was using TA/Teacher scenario as a 'for instance' as they were trying to give an example.

If you want help on a public forum then realise people have the right to post what they feel is right in the reply.

We all have private lives and we all respect yours but be fair...

ilovesooty · 30/08/2014 10:15

The OP is not "complaining"

I despair of some people's ability both to read at face value and interpret, I really do.

AnyFucker · 30/08/2014 10:15

ILS, your loaded and inflammatory comment "some of you who pride yourselves" belies your latest "what, me ?" rebuttal

Original poster
Notacs · 30/08/2014 10:19

Judo we've been through all of that.

AF, I honestly don't think ilove meant you, you posted quite early on in the thread. I feel really guilty now.

The problem with posting in relationships is it would prompt even more questions and then if I decline to answer them people do get put out (I don't mean you!) and you get accused of drip feeding.

But I didn't know what was best to do last night, and obviously it's not something I can discuss with DH!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/08/2014 10:19

It wasn't either loaded or inflammatory.It was a statement of what I perceived to be fact. If you don't like the criticism fair enough but don't assume I made it as part of an agenda.

sillymillyb · 30/08/2014 10:23

NoTacs, I was thinking about you last night and hoping you were ok - I really wish you all the best. You are doing the right thing to get a cushion of money behind you. Good luck Flowers

ilovesooty · 30/08/2014 10:25

Sorry Notacs but I did mean to be critical of AF along with others. I thought it was very off to say she came back to help but couldn't be arsed as that was after you'd started apologising.

Anyway I'll step away from this since AF obviously feels I have an agenda here and I'll probably do you more harm than good.

Original poster
Notacs · 30/08/2014 10:26

Thanks Flowers

I'm fine, I'm not in danger or anything. I'm just trying to sort this mess out and it is a mess.

I know it must seem ridiculously cagey but DH is SO bloody clever, won't confront me directly but leaves it weeks. Then he'll ask a question - like "so, if you were to go back to work, would you go back as a teacher? Or would you be paid as a cover supervisor?" Sort of making it clear that he knows my online activity.

It inevitably leads to fall outs and upsets (mine.)

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 30/08/2014 10:27

I was coming in to say don't accept the lower rate, and hold out for the rate you are qualified for, but I see you have inadvertently caused a bunfight (!) and am backing slooowly out again...

Hope you get some decent work soon OP. Stay safe.

davidjrmum · 30/08/2014 10:29

If any agency thinks they can place you in a higher paid role they will because on a simple level they will make more money on this placement so I don't think you need to worry about the risk of agency then always placing you in a lower paid role. If you have the appropriate qualification and experience then presumably they just don't have a suitable role available at the moment. So you can try another agency, say you want to wait until there is a suitable role or take the one being offered meanwhile.

CromerSutra · 30/08/2014 10:34

Sorry you are having such a horrible time op. I hope the work is forthcoming and that things improve for you x

rollonthesummer · 30/08/2014 10:35

Having read some your posts, I see why you were so defensive. I still maintain that most schools do not use supply agencies though and you will probably get fleeced by this agency.

Your situation at home doesn't sound good, but really-if you can't post properly on here because he's stalking you, will you be able to put your child into a nursery and go to work without him finding out?

R4roger · 30/08/2014 10:37

op i am sure you just want a sounding board. is there anyone at all you can use as a sounding board?
and I know you will make the right decision.
have faith in your decision making abilities.

Original poster
Notacs · 30/08/2014 10:40

Thanks rollon Flowers

God knows is the answer to that! My friend, the lady who recently retired, was going to have dd if I got work (obviously I'd have paid her) but her husband has just been diagnosed with leukaemia Sad so understandably they can't have dd now and I wouldn't ask them to.

It's obviously easier to explain 'Mary had dd for a morning so I could go shopping' than 'dd was in the nursery because...' Maybe it's a daft idea, maybe I should just tell him but oh god the arguments and he does not want His Daughter going into a nursery and consult him and a Why Go To Work Anyway round 1235474826141 and I just CBA!

OP posts:
Icimoi · 30/08/2014 10:41

OP, can you perhaps discuss this with the agency - in particular, how much supply teacher work they usually have once the school year gets going? Where I live, after the first couple of weeks in September it appears that there is a lot of demand for supply teachers and people are pretty much guaranteed as much or as little work as they want, but I realise it may be different elsewhere.

Bearbehind · 30/08/2014 10:43

OP, you are so paranoid about your husband reading your posts that you are actually making yourself much more identifiable because you are so cagey with details then say the reason for this is your DH- it makes it far more obvious who you are.

If you'd just posted saying you are a teacher and should you work for a TA or teachers wage whilst your DD is in nursery, this thread could have been from any supply teacher in the country with a child.

If you don't want to out yourself- name change before you post and disclose the facts pertinent to your AIBU and that way you'll get answers to the questions you want and your husband won't be able to identify you.

Original poster
Notacs · 30/08/2014 10:44

Well ... They say there's loads. Hmm I was cynical but friend ('Mary') has said there is a lot.

That said the travel is a worry, really - we are quite rural, I don't want to travel miles!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notacs · 30/08/2014 10:46

Bear, I'm so bloody grumpy this morning that I'm feeling almost BRING IT ON, READ MY POSTS YOU ARSE about it all!

Last night was jittery and upset and sad, I'm now just moody Grin

OP posts:
R4roger · 30/08/2014 10:46

are you intending to secretly go to work Shock?

Original poster
Notacs · 30/08/2014 10:47

Well how can I not roger?

I either don't work, or I work - but I know the latter would be difficult to say the least if I involved DH, it's easier if it's an established fact.

OP posts:
R4roger · 30/08/2014 10:49

oh you will admit eventually?

Again, I am sure you know what you are doing.

Judo123 · 30/08/2014 10:54

I think maybe you should just take the lower rate and get some money saved up. If you want to change your situation there is no point holding out for the higher rate.

I hope you are okay!

Smile
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/08/2014 11:01

Is there no way you can get out now? If you leave him you will get a lot more help financially with childcare etc.

Original poster
Notacs · 30/08/2014 11:04

I wouldn't unfortunately, the situation is extremely complicated, but money isn't exactly the problem. It's accessing that money in the short term at least.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 30/08/2014 11:10

f you'd just posted saying you are a teacher and should you work for a TA or teachers wage whilst your DD is in nursery, this thread could have been from any supply teacher in the country with a child.

Yes, this was the point I was trying to make last night but you've made better!

Sorry you're in a crap situation, OP. I can't see you being able to make any sort of escape plan on £20 a day after childcare though :(