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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Overzealous border control

88 replies

fairlyliquid · 29/08/2014 13:34

We came back from holiday last week and I went up to the border control counter with DS (4) and DN who is nearly 17 and has lived with us for 3 years. The agent asked me whether he was my child because he has a different surname, so I explained he was my nephew. She wanted to know whether he was traveling with his parents and I said no, he was traveling with us. So she asked where his parents where and I had to say, they are deceased, he lives with us. So then she asked for our legal guardianship documents, which we don't have. I was really embarrassed as was DN as we don't talk about his parents (don't blame me for this - it was all very deeply buried when I came into the picture 3 years ago). He is over 6 foot tall and quite able to stand up for himself.

She advised me to travel with proper documents next time. AIBU to think this is a bit strange, seeing as he could have gone through on his own without problem?

OP posts:

MrsWobble3 · 29/08/2014 15:44

dd aged 14 went on holiday with friends earlier this year and for various logistical reasons flew back alone - she was taken to the airport abroad by her friend's parents and I met her at Heathrow. She had real difficulty getting through passport control - they wanted to know where her parents were and were not happy about letting her through the border control on her own. In the end she showed them the text i'd sent her to say I was at the airport waiting for her and suggested they call me when they asked her if it was genuine. They didn't want to do this but at that point agreed she could go. She was completely unphased by any of the solo journey until this point and we still don't understand why someone with a valid UK passport would have this difficulty.

Kveta · 29/08/2014 15:47

we had difficulty in leaving DH's country yesterday (it's in the EU!), as DH has his passport from there, and DS has a UK passport - same surname though. DH got such a grilling about why his child had a different passport to him. It was very odd. Especially since they saw us at the next window (me and DD) and heard us all chatting to each other in English, but then didn't question why DD and I have different surnames. All a bit mad really, I think it depends on the Border control person you see. The one we saw on the way into the UK yesterday was too busy nattering to her friend about someone having HUGE thighs to actually ask us any questions!

anyway, YANBU in my opinion!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/08/2014 15:51

"I support border control (although my job touches on immigration and believe me I could tell some dreadful stories about how they behave) but their measures were in my opinion over-zealous since DN is over 16 and also ineffective since she took my word for it that I am his guardian.

I wouldn't normally go through with him. DH was ahead of us and I went up with DS and DN walked up with me, holding his own passport".

The second paragraph is perhaps why you were stopped and asked such questions; if you are travelling as a family you should all ideally present all your family at Border Control together regardless of the age of DN. He is still a minor in their eyes. They certainly would not have liked you to have done that in the US for instance and would have called your DH back if he was some distance ahead of you.

(BTW my son has been asked at Heathrow whether we are his mum and dad and the three of us were all together and share the same surname!).

Hairylegs47 · 29/08/2014 15:51

My DD travelled to Switzerland just 3 weeks ago, by herself. I checked with everyone concerned if she'd be allowed, was told shed be fine. When she reached the border controls at the Airport coming back she had to give the border guy her phone so he could check she wasn't 'coming here for some other purpose'. She had no problem leaving the UK, just coming back. She's British, holds British passport, has a UK address, but she was obviously travelling here for something other than she lives in the UK.

Forms are all well and good, but do you think people trafficking kids through the airports would be foiled simply because they didn't fill in a form??

Another time, we went through security, they flagged DDs bag because it had a geode in. They told us we couldn't take it on the plane because you could hurt someone with it .

YANBU, they were.

TheWholeOfTheSpoon · 29/08/2014 15:53

I've flown with just the kids countless times and I've never once been asked if I had the permission of DH. Is that really a thing?!

WeAreEternal · 29/08/2014 16:00

thank you Chaz I will let her know.

She has been saving for years for this holiday so I would hate for anything to spoil it, they are both so excited about it.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 29/08/2014 16:02

Yes, spoon.
I wish they'd just bring it in across the board, rather than obv just having a quota to stop.
You can download a template letter to sign from lawdepot.co.uk

kentishgirl · 29/08/2014 16:04

They must have tightened up a lot in the last 10 years or so then.

I travelled alone with son (different surname)
His Dad travelled alone with him (same surname)
Son travelled alone to Greece when he was about 13.

I can see the point, but if all you have to do is produce a signed form, how does that really help? Anyone could just sign it.

Original poster

fairlyliquid · 29/08/2014 16:06

Hairy I agree it's like the thing on your passport application where you have to have known someone for more than 3 years or whatever. A pain in the backside for the honest and no real obstacle for the dishonest.

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 29/08/2014 16:09

Only asked for consent for my own child, not the ones that weren't even mine!

That's ok. You aren't a person connected with those children in the terms of the Child Abduction Act 1984 so you aren't committing an offence. The parents who allowed you to take the children out of the country may have been but that isn't your problem.

fairyliquid - They were perhaps being a little over-zealous in that, as he is over 16, you don't need the permission of everyone with PR to take him out of the country. But personally I wouldn't be too worried about it.

TheWholeOfTheSpoon - Yes. Many countries have substantially tightened up in their efforts to prevent international child abduction. A loan parent with a child going abroad may find they are turned away at their destination unless they can prove that they have a court order or the consent of all those with PR.

theDudesmummy · 29/08/2014 16:10

I have never had any problem travelling with DS (aged 5) on my own, even though he does not have the same surname as me! I had not thought to take any proof that he is mine! (maybe it's because he looks a lot like me, it is pretty obvious I am his mum!).

BalconyBill · 29/08/2014 16:20

I had never heard of this until I saw it on mn. I have travelled all over the world with my 2DCs since I got divorced 12 years ago and no one has ever asked for any further documentation.

It makes me to think of having to ask exH, who has never paid a penny towards the upkeep of my children and sees them a couple of times a year, for his written permission to take them on holiday.

Original poster

fairlyliquid · 29/08/2014 16:28

I thought their main concern was the custody issue, i.e. a parent taking a child out of the country and maybe not bringing it back. This is very important and I am happy to help them in this endeavour - but on the return leg of an EU holiday for a child who is over 16 and would therefore make their own decisions in this area? A bit strange.

OP posts:

SamG76 · 29/08/2014 16:38

YANBU - I once had this problem when travelling back with my DS and a niece, who had been accompanied by her dad on the way out. What I didn't get is that we are all UK passport holders, so it is difficult to see how we could be breaching any court order bringing her into the country whose passport she holds and where she is at school. Taking her out would, I understand, be a different matter.

thegreylady · 29/08/2014 16:46

I am planning on taking two small grandsons to visit their uncle/aunty and cousin in Turkey. Obviously their parents are very happy with this and will take us to the airport/ meet us on arrival.
What documentation do I need as dd's maiden name was different from mine?

MarmiteMania · 29/08/2014 16:50

I was questioned coming back to Heathrow yesterday as I am re married, name different from dd 16 and travelling without my marriage cert. just told to have documentation next time.

cestlavielife · 29/08/2014 16:58

yes they asked my dds if they were related to me at heathrow on return - much more common now. you have to be prepared for questioning even if you have your own passport are British etcetc

this has a sample letter of consent.

www.lawdepot.co.uk/contracts/travel-consent-uk/

shebird · 29/08/2014 17:02

I have travelled regularly to visit family within Europe with my DDs on different passports to me and different surnames. When we go on holiday DH often goes ahead of us and uses the electronic passport gates on arrival (shorter queues but kids cannot use these) so he can get a head start at the car hire desk. No questions were asked in Spain or Portugal when I have presented our passports with different surnames and different nationalities.

thegreylady · 29/08/2014 17:04

Thanks c'est la vie I will use that draft :)

hollie84 · 29/08/2014 17:23

This often comes up on MN, but I don't actually understand how it's supposed to prevent child abduction?

Often a mother is questioned because she has a different surname to her child, explains she is the mother and is let through.

I haven't read about anyone actually having to prove the child is theirs.

prh47bridge · 29/08/2014 17:29

In some cases people have reported being turned away when they tried to enter another country if they couldn't satisfy the people on border control that the necessary consent was in place. That is a pretty effective way of stopping international child abduction. It is variable, though. Some countries are hotter on this than others. But it is sometimes possible to get into a country that is hot on this without any evidence of the necessary consent.

exexpat · 29/08/2014 17:46

What baffles me is that I only ever get questioned coming back into the UK, as a British passport holder with two DCs who are also British passport holders (but don't have my surname, which is always the reason passport control people say they are asking about our relationship). Surely if it is to prevent child abduction, they should be questioning people when they leave the country?

Roseformeplease · 29/08/2014 17:57

Also, my 14 year old son travelled to France alone and back recently! No questions asked. The airline takes 14 year olds unaccompanied so we sent him.

Christelle2207 · 29/08/2014 17:58

I agree but there is no border control leaving the country -this was abolished years ago. Airline staff have to check your passport/visa is valid to get you into where you're going but there is no check by the border officials like there is when you come back.

ScottishInSwitzerland · 29/08/2014 18:12

Having a British passport doesn't necessarily mean it's ok to bring a child into the uk though. We live jb Switzerland. We all have uk passports. But if I suddenly decided to up sticks and bring the children back to the uk that would still be 'child abduction' in that I would be taking them out of their country of habitual residence

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