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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To post a message about a missing child

189 replies

alreadytaken · 29/08/2014 09:54

A five-year-old boy with a brain tumour has been taken without consent from hospital by his parents, sparking a major police hunt for the family.

Ashya King was taken from Southampton General Hospital and is now believed to be in France with his parents and six siblings.

Police said he needs constant medical care and there are "serious concerns" for his life if he is not found today.

The family, from Southsea, Portsmouth, were travelling in a grey coloured Hyundai I800 Style CRDI, registration KP60 HWK.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-28978655

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 30/08/2014 23:03

Heart breaking.
Thanks for posting.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2014 23:04

I totally understand why the parents did it, by the sounds of it, his condition is terminal. Could they not have requested he come home and receive care there!

PacificDogwood · 30/08/2014 23:04

BBC news report

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2014 23:10

My goodness Drs do not always know best, its the parents right to seek treatment elsewhere!

FlossyMoo · 30/08/2014 23:14

Poor poor family.

No neglect. No pain. No medication needed. Plenty of food and the correct means to give him it.
What the Drs and media showed was not the full picture. It rarely is.

LiberalLibertines · 30/08/2014 23:16

The doctor threatened to get a protection order, so no,I guess they felt they couldn't say they wanted to take him home. :(

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2014 23:17

If the Drs had responded to the parents, and guided them in how to do this correctly, none of this would have happened. NHS standard response to Cancer it seems is Chemo, and Radiation, which is not always the best, there are newer, more affective treatments, which the NHS don't fund due to cost.

MexicanSpringtime · 30/08/2014 23:19

cheepsskram Thanks for the information.

So awful

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2014 23:40

The parents were willing to pay for private treatment, they should have been allowed that choice!

potbellyroast · 30/08/2014 23:46

Any 'criminal' activity of the parents should be dealt with at a later date.

Release them now to be with ashya. There's more neglect being shown by the Spanish police in separating them at this time.

thinkingaboutfostering · 30/08/2014 23:50

Heartbreaking. I feel for them so much. What a choice to make. To be forced to make. In their shoes I cannot say I wouldn't have done what they have done. I hope they are released to be with their son.

chopinbabe · 31/08/2014 00:32

Aeroflotgirl.

I think you will find that trained and experienced doctors know quite a bit more about medical matters than those who are not.

if you really think that this isn't the case, next time you need to go to hospital, stay at home and let your mother perform the procedure instead.
At the very least, assign her opinions the same weight that you give to the doctors.

I am glad that the child has been found after an international search.

thinkingaboutfostering · 31/08/2014 00:44

You really do have zero ability to empathise Chopin!!!! Your posts on this thread here are horrid.
Doctors are not perfect and whilst have vast medical knowledge they are not immune from becoming power crazy. The parents may not be experts in brain tumours but they are experts in their child! This isn't the first time parents have been hounded by power crazy medical professionals. Do you remember Hannah Jones the teenager who refused a heart transplant. One narrow minded doctor tried to have her forcibly removed from her parents care and be put back on drugs she didn't want and was managing without before forcing her to have the transplant.
Doctors are not gods and do not have the right to act like they are!

PepsiTwirl · 31/08/2014 01:33

His been found today

Karsyn · 31/08/2014 04:06

this is just beyond horrible. apparently theyve taken him from his parents now, and the parents were doing everything necessary and trying to get him the right treatment but have bene prevented from doing so by the police and by the nhs who threatened them. just awful

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 31/08/2014 05:15

They'd also been told that the type of treatment they wanted wouldn't have any effect on his particular type of cancer.

Karsyn · 31/08/2014 05:40

but that's not true pobble the therapy can be used for the cancer he has just its not done in the UK

lordnoobson · 31/08/2014 06:08

Why is this AIBU

chopinbabe · 31/08/2014 08:52

My posts are not 'horrid.' I sincerely hope that these two people don't become poster boy and girl for taking medical care of a seriously sick child into untrained hands.

They are views, thank goodness, shared by the authorities who had the sense to launch a major search for this child. How often does that happen? Does the fact that it happens rarely suggest that there were pressing needs in this case? Or do you think to use another playground term that they simply singled them out to 'pick on' them?

It is bizarre to make a up a back story for these parents, based on nothing more than thin air and wishful thinking and swallowing what they say-they are hardly going to admit the dangerous stupidity of their actions. At the very least, they dragged him on a journey that requires stamina when one is in full health.

As for the need to say that doctors are not gods: well, of course they're not but they have medical training and that has to be respected. Otherwise, next time your child is ill, stay at home, use your knowledge of the child to heal him and don't be a hypocrite by taking him to the doctor.
They were not taking him out to home school, they were denying him medical care.

These parents have certain religious view they would not be the first to reject medical treatment for a child on these grounds and, you know what, they are dangerous and selfish to do so.

Unless you can find another dozen cases, this week, where an international search has been launched to find two people who have denied medical treatment, even palliative, for a child, may I suggest that you ask yourself: then why was it so in this case?

I am glad the boy has been found, as are people all over the UK, France and Spain.

cupofsneeze · 31/08/2014 08:58

These parents have certain religious view they would not be the first to reject medical treatment for a child on these grounds and, you know what, they are dangerous and selfish to do so

At no point has anyone said they have refused any treatment.

They are actively seeking treatment in Prague which the NHS dont offer Confused

PacificDogwood · 31/08/2014 08:58

I am going to bow out of all these this thread. This is C+P from what I wrote on another thread.

Just a few final remarks:
As I've said before I am desperately sad for this little boy and his family. They are in a terrible position and I wish it had not come to arrest warrants etc.
However:

Can we please bear in mind that we do not have all the facts? We have what is it the public domain, A's father put their case across eloquently and heartbreakingly in his YouTube video, but for reasons of confidentiality we will never hear the other side. So, 'innocent until proven guilty' will have to stand for me.

Stop the NHS bashing. Proton beam therapy IS available on the NHS, but not in the UK (people get funding to go abroad for it). I have no idea whether it is proven, effective, superior treatment for medulloblastoma. If any neurologists, interventional radiologists, oncologists know, I'd be interested.

A's father is hoping to take him to Tchechoslovakia for private treatment. Again, I have no idea whether this is appropriate or not - I am not commenting on what may or may not be best for A because I don't know. But, bear in mind that private medicine does NOT always guarantee 'best' 'gold standard' treatment - you pays your money, you gets what you want. Which may or may not what you need or should have.

R doctors with 'god complex': no doubt they exist. And even more who have poor communication skill to get very complex issues across to distraught parents - no argument from me here. However, decisions on treatment are never made by one individual, but during Multi-disciplinary Team Meeting attended by senior staff of all the relevant specialities.

It is my impression that whether or not A's treatment was optimal (again, I don't know one way or another) what caused this horrible situation was a breakdown in communication and trust. It seems logical to me that if you don't trust the medical staff looking after your child, you do a runner. Logical, but not necessarily rational or right.

A appears to be well looked after by loving parents. I wish them nothing but the best. Looking after a child with a malignant disease must be every parent's biggest nightmare and I am quite sure that they did have what they felt was A's best interests at heart. Whether what they did was misguided or not, who knows. Love and strength to them all.

chopinbabe · 31/08/2014 09:04

Oh, right.........they were off to Prague! That's ok then.

Why on earth weren't Interpol told this essential 'fact'? They would have been so relieved and called off the search.

Hiding this thread now as aghast at the opinions of some.

thinkingaboutfostering · 31/08/2014 09:25

Chopin your just vile! Radiotherapy on a child his age would cause irreparable damage to his brain. That's a fact. If you want evidence of that look it up. Look up the Milan protocol and why it was scrapped and whilst your at it go onto Facebook and read Claudia's cause. Claudia is a child who survived the Milan protocol but she has been left badly damaged. She will most likely never walk, talk or move unaided again. She cannot feed herself. She is eight years old and prior to her radiotherapy she was a bright happy little girl. As a result of what has happened to Claudia and others like her it has been stopped. I can't say what I'd do in A's parents shoes but if I truly felt that proton beam therapy was more effective and less damaging then i would most likely do anything in my power to get my child there. Legal or not. It's a terrible terrible choice to have to make.

sanfairyanne · 31/08/2014 09:27

what a tragedy and a mess

i really feel for them. brain tumours are just shit and surgery/treatment barbaric with often barbaric results. i can see how they would want a treatment that sounded less destructive

now there is a little boy without his parents

sanfairyanne · 31/08/2014 09:30

also, people like chopinbabe think in terms of
alive
or
dead
i can tell you for a fact, you dont get the same person back after brain surgery, and sometimes you do wonder if death might have been kinder in the longrun
but the public sees 'alive' as a great success