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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my 10mo at home while i go on holiday?

91 replies

bedraggledmumoftwo · 29/08/2014 07:02

So it is our 5th wedding anniversary soon. Dh and I have been talking about going on a short break- would be three nights. My mum has volunteered to babysit for my 2yo and will be 10 mo when we go. Part of me is really excited and wants a break. But i also feel really anxious about leaving dd2 for that long. Dd1 loves my mum and will be excited to be with grandma, but dd2 is mummys girl and has separation anxiety- guess i do too! So wwyd, would you leave them?

OP posts:
heartisaspade · 29/08/2014 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 29/08/2014 07:51

We've been invited to a no-children wedding when dc will be 3.5 and 10mo and I absolutely plan to go. Will mean leaving them for 2 nights!

chubbyhez · 29/08/2014 07:52

Go!

combust22 · 29/08/2014 07:52

I agree with the others- your choice, your child, your own circumstance.

Personally I wouldn't but you are not me.

attheendoftheday · 29/08/2014 07:56

Personally I wouldn't at that age, I think 3 nights would seem like a very long time to a 10 month old who is understandably dependant on her parents.

But I'm sure lots of people would.

The northern lights will still be there next year.

caeleth84 · 29/08/2014 07:58

I wouldn't with the 10 month old, because we were gone 3 nights when DS was 20 months and it did really affect him. 1 night has been fine since around 10 months, but 3 was clearly too much. He was fine while he was with his grandparents, clearly enjoyed himself and slept well (so they say ;)). But when we came back he was super, super clingy, especially at night. He had to sleep on me for a week, I couldn't get him off at all or he'd wake up and cry. So it definitely affected him negatively.

Skinnydecafflatte · 29/08/2014 08:01

Do it!

I've got a 12 month old and a four year old. We're off for a rare weekend away to celebrate my 40th today, I was dancing in the shower this morning as I'm so excited. It will be great for you to have a break, lovely for the children to spend time and be spoilt by grandparents and your parents will be fine, they've done it before.

LST · 29/08/2014 08:05

Go! I have a 2.9yo and a 7.5mo. They will be fine! Especially as they are both going to be together

LST · 29/08/2014 08:07

Oh and my toddler went away with my parents for a week and loved it. My mum practically had to force him to speak to me on the phone as he didn't want to stop what he was doing Shock He had a brill time!

Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 29/08/2014 08:19

Glad in some ways to hear that my niggling doubts aren't unfounded. But still torn. Yes, northern lights
will be there next year, and no guarantee we will even see them this year, but also no guarantees we will both be able to get the same days off around the equinox next year, or that my mum will then be willing or able to look after two toddlers at that point! Anything could happen in a year, and she is offering now, so i feel like i should grab it with both hands. Just feel guilty!

OP posts:
Delphiniumsblue · 29/08/2014 08:33

That is the reason we got grandparents involved as early as possible. Both lots were used to being in our house so we could just leave them to it, they knew how everything worked and routines so we could just leave them to it and the children were perfectly happy.

Piccarcas · 29/08/2014 08:34

Given my time again I would most certainly do it. I did not leave my children with anyone and I paid the price for it later (and to my shame so did they). My lovely SIL left her children with anyone who would have them ?? and her children became confident and socially able from a very young age. Mine did not develop those skills until much later. It's three days, you are confident your mum will cope and enjoy it and you say you need the break as I am sure does your DH, go and have a lovely time.

nannycaro · 29/08/2014 08:35

Go! I had my 2 nephews (aged 2.10yo and 11 months) for 6days and 5 nights last year whilst their parents went to new york. All were absolutely fine.

KernowKids · 29/08/2014 08:35

Only you can decide really. DH and I recently left our dds for the first time overnight and they're 3&4 - no one had offered before. I couldn't leave them with my mum as she wouldn't manage. I wouldn't have left my 10 month olds due to bf - but you know your baby best.

Zamboni · 29/08/2014 08:37

DH and I went abroad for 4 nights when DD was 2.6 and DS was 9mo. My DPs had them. The DC were fine, but my DM was knackered by the time we got home! Do it OP, and have a marvellous time.

however · 29/08/2014 08:40

I'd have done it with my first, no problems. My second was very much a mummy's girl and she'd have been too fretful at that age. So really, it's up to you to know what they can cope with.

HandMini · 29/08/2014 08:48

I wouldn't (mine are 3yo and 18mo) because my mum wouldn't cope and doesn't have any help.

If I had family who would be happy and unfazed by it, then I probably would, but likely one/two nights, rather than three.

Just as the PPs say, it's such a personal decision....I'm just sitting her mulling over why in my hypothetical situation I say one/two nights rather than three...there's no answer other than what feels right to you.

Piccarcas - don't beat yourself up, I'm sure your kids wouldn't really know/remember if they had a hard time socially when they were smaller.

Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 29/08/2014 08:49

Dd2 is actually a much more mellow baby than dd1, who would only be fed/ rocked to sleep. This one goes to sleep on her own in her cot and weaned herself off bf by 6 months, although i tried to keep going! So she will be fine. I think I am just worried as i left her screaming with mil for half an hour yesterday. But mil isn't very nice maternal and she always screams at the sight of her, whereas i do think she will be fine with my mum. Going to bite the bullet and book it. Just hope the Icelandic volcano doesn't erupt!!

OP posts:
littlejohnnydory · 29/08/2014 10:24

I wouldn't personally but plenty do.

Surfsup1 · 29/08/2014 10:32

My sister did (for 2 weeks!) I thought she was BU but mainly I was horribly jealous! For 3 nights I think you will be totally fine.

Idontseeanysontarans · 29/08/2014 10:35

YANBU, if your Mum is fine then go for it! Consider how you will feel though, if you're going to be worrying then it will spoil your trip.

Thurlow · 29/08/2014 10:42

Go! It will be good for everyone - good for you and your DH to spend some time alone together, good for your DDs to spend time with their grandparents.

Like delphiniums we have had the grandparents around a lot since DC was little so that everyone knew each other well (though I know we are fortunate that they live close enough to do that and are young/active enough to look after a small child). Personally I think it is healthy for children to spend odd bits of time with other members of the family so that they grow up understanding that sometimes mummy and daddy aren't there but that is fine, grandparents and aunts and uncles are just as good.

gertiegusset · 29/08/2014 12:48

I left my 13 mo old with my Mum for 10 days.
They had a great time.
No problems when we got back either.

NormHonal · 29/08/2014 12:56

I did two nights away when DC2 was 8mo, booked and organised by DH as a surprise for a landmark occasion. I'm not sure it's something I would have agreed to, given a choice, but I was presented with a fait accompli.

I spent a lot of time with the breast pump whilst we were away, and missed the DCs horribly, especially the little one, but it was also important for DH and I to have some time away together.

The DCs appeared to be fine on our return, BTW.

thicketofstars · 29/08/2014 14:17

It completely depends on the child and how desperately you/your DP/your marriage needs the break. Also, it depends a little bit on your perspective - some parents see a bit of anxiety on their children's part as a natural and unavoidable part of life while others do everything they can to prevent it. Only you know your circumstances. I wouldn't feel guilty about whatever decision you make. There's no right or wrong.

If you're asking for personal opinions about what people would do in their own families, I'm happy to tell you that I wouldn't leave my three year old at the moment because it would freak her out and I don't think that's an acceptable cost. For her.