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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask whether anyone has regretted having a third DC?

117 replies

Shardlakelover · 28/08/2014 21:41

I keep wondering about having a third DC. My heart says yes; my head says absolutely no way due to not liking being pregnant, the sleep deprivation, the expense, fact we would need to move house, the exhaustion caused by small children etc. But I wonder if I will always regret not having a third DC. (The gap between my youngest and another DC would be around three years. We could afford it but would have to cut back on luxuries.) Can I ask whether anyone has had a third DC and regretted it? Or not had a third DC and regretted it?

OP posts:
fromparistoberlin73 · 29/08/2014 10:47

I think many people have the "oh should i have a third baby" wish- its normal!!!!

I did not, and I dont regert it. whilst I had mini envy for large families, for us- it would not have worked unfortunately

so no regrets- and its a normal phase to go through, and it will pass!

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 29/08/2014 10:54

I have no regrets about DS3. I had 3 under 5, all two school years apart. DS2 has ASD and being sandwiched between his 2 brothers has helped immeasurably. He's been included in lots of things that otherwise I might have avoided.

Not to say that it wasn't hard. I felt like I had two toddlers for years and years. But it's given DS1 the chance to have a more usual sibling relationship with DS3.

I get the family of 4 thing, it's always been hard to sort holidays etc. But, guess what? ExH left 3 years ago and now we're a family of 4 again! Much nicer than being a family of 3... Wink

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 29/08/2014 11:06

No, I always felt that I wanted a third. I just wasn't done after two, but after my third felt happy that our family was complete. A slightly bigger age gap did help. DC1&2 were 6 and 4 when DS was born and both at school. It made the day to day management easier.

doodlemum · 29/08/2014 12:57

Fatlazymum's post sums it up quite well for me, aswell as those who got twins as number three. You really don't know how things will work out, both if you go for three or stick at two.

It is for this reason we played safe and stuck with two. The other main reason was simply about not making life harder and more complicated than it already can be. And I am grateful that now mine are a bit older (primary school age), things are pretty manageable.

But I do sometimes wish we'd been braver and gone for it with another.

If you're the kind of person who is generally quite good at coping and dealing with the unexpected then I'd say go for it.

mosaicone · 29/08/2014 13:29

I desperately wanted a third. Exh didn't but came round to it. While I do sometimes look at the older two ( nearly 15 and 17) and my friends with children that age and the freedom they have, I then look at ds 8 who is just the brightest little spark I've ever met and can't regret him being here for a minute. In fact with other family probs going on, he really really keeps me going sometimes! don't think I'd cope with dp having dd's 10 and (very young) 13 either!
a definite yes vote hereGrin

mosaicone · 29/08/2014 13:35

Actually yeah the cost. I hated days out when they were all young. went on holiday this year with just ds 15 and ds 8 and when little one wanted to go on rides in the evening it was lovely to be able to say yes and not x 3 for everything. funfairs/ summer holidays used to really get me down

Tournesol · 29/08/2014 13:42

No regrets here. But then I think you have to work out if you like the chaos or not.

Two children now seems so neat and easy but for us we like the madness that three children brings.

Yes it is more expensive but we find ways to negate this (e.g. We go self catering on holiday so no hotel issues).

littlemslazybones · 29/08/2014 13:55

Well, if I were ever going to say I regretted ds3, it would be end of the six week holidays with a bf-ed teething, weaning, sleepless, full of cold seven month old rendering us completely housebound at points while ds1 and 2 complain of boredom despite my best efforts to make the most of things.

So, err, there have been times when I think I may have been too optimistic about the logistics of three but, then again, I adore ds3 and his big chubby cheeks and big smiles and look forward to watching him grow and develop and sleep, for the love of God sleep, please let that come first.

wantsleepnow · 29/08/2014 14:10

I don't regret having a (planned) third but I don't think (knowing what I do) that I've have regretted not having DC3 either.

It has been and still is really hard work, expensive etc but things are improving as we get out of the 'baby stage' and although the potential for conflict goes up exponentially, so does the love and fun interactions.

Whichever you decide on, focus on the positives of that and the negatives of the alternative!

SuperScrimper · 29/08/2014 14:15

Best thing ever. Fact. I'm looking at his chubby little feet, toddling across the room right now.

I'm knackered, but he has completed my world.

quietbatperson · 29/08/2014 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret · 29/08/2014 14:17

Several of my friends with 3 say it's almost pushed them over the edge and they regret the decision. Of course they still love the third. I never wanted more than 2 and have absolutely no regrets: my theory is most people want to replicate the family they grew up in, so if you're one of 3 you'll want 3, one of 2 you'll happily stop at 2.

MagnificentMalificent · 29/08/2014 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5amisanillegalwakeuptime · 29/08/2014 16:02

Expecting DC3 later this year. And can't wait. I love the chaos ...Most of the time...and both DH and I are from families of four children.

For us the decision was based on having more adult family round the table in 20 years' time at Christmas, meeting their partners and having hopefully more grandchildren eventually.

We're lucky in that we are financially comfortable so the kids won't go without , and will get all the extra curricular activities etc.no bother. We can also afford a cleaner and p-time Nanny. So when expense is taken out the equation, it suddenly seems a lot more manageable. We've only become more comfortable in the past two years thanks to various circumstances which made us realise a third was possible.

The kids can't wait and neither can we.

KERALA1 · 29/08/2014 16:11

I am one of 3 stopped at 2 as have my siblings. Someone always left out with 3 not an ideal dynamic. As the eldest I didn't like that we seemed such a large family compared to the majority 2 dc families.

Also agree with combust I would have felt guilty having more than 2 seems greedy somehow. The friends that have 3 are weirdly proud of the fact for reasons I don't understand.

Claybury · 29/08/2014 16:12

DC3 has added to our lives immensely. It helps that he is and always has been an easy character, but having a younger one around when the others are teenagers gives the home some life which is lovely.

My first 2 were v close together and have never ever got along. It is nice for me to see each of them have a more affectionate sibling relationship with DC3.
It is also nice for me to have a younger one around ( 6 years younger ) while the older two are teenagers - you really appreciate the youthfulness of a younger one once the others lose it!

GreenPetal94 · 29/08/2014 16:15

I lost my 3rd and 4th pregnancies and so minded not having 3 desperately. But now with 2 boys aged 11 and 13 I do realise that we are getting some freedom to do stuff. And the boys are very good friends and a real pair.

We didn't move house, they still happily share a room, and we have a lot of disposable income for foreign holidays etc as a result.

Frustrated101 · 29/08/2014 16:32

Me and DH always planned for 2 but then i wasnt done. He was like your DH and wasnt dead set against the idea but probably wouldnt have had another.

After 2 m/c's dc3 was born and i have never once regretted it. There are nearly 4 years between 1&2 and over 4 years between 2&3. The gaps have helped as each have had time with me while their older sibling was at school and dc1 can help out a little with the younger ones. Dc2 has learning difficulties and it really helped him grow up a little bit once dc3 arrived.

We are comfortable financially so i only work part time. We also have a 7 seater car and we moved to a five bed house (in fact i have room for one more Smile).

marymouse · 29/08/2014 17:25

We have three dc's.
Dc3 was planned, although I regret the 2.5 and 4yr age gap between dc3 and dc1&2. I should have had dc3 a year earlier I think.
Life is hard, it's hard to give them all lots of attention. We needed a bigger car and a bigger house......oh and he is the devil child Sad

idiuntno57 · 29/08/2014 19:20

I am not sure you can ever regret the child themselves. It would be pretty hard to decide which one to give away as it were.

I have four. Sometimes I regret the way my life is as opposed to how it could have been if I had had fewer children but I can never know if it would have turned out as I had imagined it might anyway. Life is full of love and chaos and happiness. We can't afford to do so much stuff. Environmentally I realise we are a very bad thing. My kids rally around and support each other and us. They make me laugh and are a great team. It is just so mixed.

I say if you want another child and if it won't make you entirely destitute then do it. My experience is that people are better than stuff but I can never know if the reality is in fact the other way round.

Didyouevah · 29/08/2014 20:12

I find this fascinating. I have 2 dc and have really wobbled about a third. We have decided not to.

I think some people are just generally better parents and cope better on less sleep, less stuff etc. my sister has 3 and they're a great family.

I'm one of 3 and I think it was great.

I just don't think I've got it in me to go through it all again.

Anomaly · 29/08/2014 20:15

I have three and I love it but its hard. Its the time for each one and the organisation especially when they start school. I do like being a 'big' family and for me it wasn't just about the here and now but the future with grown children.

I think the environmental argument is crap. You can have families with just one child with a much larger carbon footprint than a family with multiple kids.

Didyouevah · 29/08/2014 20:17

I think the thought of more at the table when grown up is very attractive too.

Loads of support as adults.

Sassyb0703 · 29/08/2014 20:19

Said I absolutely didn't want another, but must have done subconsciously as took no precautions to prevent...without doubt the best ' accident' I ever had...currently sitting on the stairs talking about contents of her new pencil case for years 8. couldn't love anybody more ...

Bowlersarm · 29/08/2014 20:31

I have three but totally agree with combust. It's a selfish act, no two ways about it. The world doesn't need that third child.

However, no I don't regret it. Ds3 is lovely. But.....I wish my biological clock for dc3 hadn't been quite so loud, and I could have been happily content with two. Dh didnt want three and i had to persuade him. Really, really persuade him. It is much more expensive, more chaotic, more tiring. Now he's here (a lovely teen) the benefits outweigh the negatives, and it's hard because you don't unwish a child who's loved and in your life, but the ideal scenario would have been not to have been desperate for a dc3, for us.