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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether anyone has regretted having a third DC?

117 replies

Shardlakelover · 28/08/2014 21:41

I keep wondering about having a third DC. My heart says yes; my head says absolutely no way due to not liking being pregnant, the sleep deprivation, the expense, fact we would need to move house, the exhaustion caused by small children etc. But I wonder if I will always regret not having a third DC. (The gap between my youngest and another DC would be around three years. We could afford it but would have to cut back on luxuries.) Can I ask whether anyone has had a third DC and regretted it? Or not had a third DC and regretted it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shardlakelover · 28/08/2014 22:20

I think perhaps I just like the idea of three adult children but without the hassle and expense of the preceding twenty years!

OP posts:
furcoatbigknickers · 28/08/2014 22:21

Combust, you are speaking to the wrong gal. I have four, slightly offended that people may think I shouldn't of had 2 of my dcs. I recycle, we haven't been on a plane for over two years...

furcoatbigknickers · 28/08/2014 22:21

Agree with having third, had to even it out.

DramaAlpaca · 28/08/2014 22:22

No regrets at all.

combust22 · 28/08/2014 22:24

furcoat- but your children still eat, consume, use fossil fuels, produce CO2. You are contributing to pupilation growth by your reproductive activity.

Original poster
Shardlakelover · 28/08/2014 22:25

Out of interest, has anyone NOT had a third DC and regretted it in later life?

OP posts:
furcoatbigknickers · 28/08/2014 22:25

Combust, i don't care. Hth

combust22 · 28/08/2014 22:27

Good for you furcoat. Eat the world.

I care about my children's and grandchildren's future.

Nononon · 28/08/2014 22:27

FurCoat - stripyBanana was referring to the families that she knows that have 3 having bigger house etc. not saying that every larger family lives in a big house

FanSpamTastic · 28/08/2014 22:28

I have never regretted our dc 3 - he completes our family and I always felt like something was missing until he came along. But I know I do not want a 4th.

The early years are hard - 2nd doubles the work and the third quadruples it. Everything seems to break for number 3. Cars are a complete pain - few are built for 3 actual children. Most have crappy middle seats that are meant to be an arm rest. Holidays are not packaged for 3 children. Three kids seems to often result in one having a huff with the other two. But I would not change it.

I have 2 dd's and 1 ds.

Bluebird79 · 28/08/2014 22:33

Well...I won't lie to you - the expense of a third is worth considering. And the cost on your time too, don't underestimate that! I come home from work some days and pinball between the three of them until bedtime. But I know I would have regretted not having the third. Once I had it in my heart and head to do it, there was no going back.

SurfBoredCat · 28/08/2014 22:40

Combust - my brother has no DC, my DC's dad is an only child, my 2 cousins only have one child each and all our grandparents and my dad are dead.
I reckon one extra DC for me is alright considering the short life span and small size of the rest of the family. What do you think? Hmm
Plus, I didn't use a car until last year and I recycle and have done since my parents started doing it in the 80s so don't give me that environmental rubbish.

combust22 · 28/08/2014 22:46

surfbored- if you are suggesting that you are somehow using other people's "allocation" then I don't but that at all. Why then do we still have runaway global population growth? Your argument makes no sense.

Recycling is fairly insignificant in terms of the pressure of an extra individual on food, water and fossil fuels.

Far from being "rubbish" at all- our very existance on this planet is under severe threat.

www.populationmatters.org/

waithorse · 28/08/2014 22:52

I don't understand how having an uneven amount of children is strange. Weird. Hmm

furcoatbigknickers · 28/08/2014 22:54

I agree the uneven number of children thing is weird. just couldn't help it plus I was a middle childShock

magentastardust · 28/08/2014 22:56

My oldest is now 10, dc2 is 7 then dc3 is 3. Yes I don't always feel I have the same sort of time for dc3 as I did for dc1 when he was a baby but I don't think dc3 misses out. Although she has had me to herself all day whilst the older 2 are at school. DD2 didn't get this as she had to fit in with her then 3 year old brothers life and activities during the day.

Often one of the older 2 will read dc3 her bedtime story or dc2 and dc3 go off and play together-so whilst she may not have the same time and attention from me personally she does get plenty of attention and time it is just that we have all had a hand in bringing her up. I really love having three-been getting a bit broody for number 4 recently as dc3 has started playgroup so I have time on my hands but I know that for us financially and time wise we just couldn't stretch to it.

MissDuke · 28/08/2014 23:12

I cannot imagine life without dd2, who is 2.5. Dd1 and ds adore her, as do me and her dad. She has brought so much to our family, and without a doubt completes us :-D I can't say the finances have changed much, but then I have family for childcare. We don't go abroad (never did), and already had a big enough car. We are managing with the girls sharing a room, though may consider an extension at some stage. I 100% know I would have sorely regretted not taking the plunge and having a third, the broodiness was too strong to ignore.I worried I would always be broody, but honestly feel such a sense of contentment now that our family is complete, which I never felt after I had my 2nd, even though I never thought I would want a third. For us, it was absolutely the right decision.

PacificDogwood · 28/08/2014 23:39

walthorse, yes, it is weird, I have no rational explanation. I am one of 2, DH one of 3. No reason at all why we should have aspired to 4. 'Tis daft.
I don't think that there is anything wrong with a family with 3 children, but I had always wanted 2 or 4. No idea why.

Wrt middle children: well, I've got 2, so the even number did not help with that.

polomoomin · 29/08/2014 08:31

Well I don't regret it. DC3 is wonderful, bright and beautiful. I couldn't ever say I regretted having any one of my children...

However she was completely unplanned and it did turn our worlds upside down. We had two DC 15 months apart which was planned, we wanted two close together. Then when DC2 was six months old we found out I was pg and just couldn't believe it. Astonished. Contraception failure, I always thought they were mostly made up and what most people actually meant was "forgot/didn't want to use anything" but no...

Most things are designed for a family of four. Family tickets are two adults two children, seats on a train with the table are four. We have to get a people carrier now if we need a taxi which costs more and is a pain because often there's a long wait on the people carrier... It just upsets a lot of things. Also there's the bedroom situation. Realistically the youngest two will always have to share a room, I don't see us ever moving to a four bedroom house anyway. And there's a middle child now, I feel overly anxious about so called 'middle child syndrome' and as it goes middle DC is the most highly strung of the three but that could just be personality and naff all to do with being middle DC of course...

There's also the hand situation. I only have two arms and often wish I had a robotic third arm. I can't hold everyone's hands when we go out. Atm youngest DC can still go in a buggy but won't be able to for very long so when she's out of that I'll have to trust eldest DC to walk holding middle Dc's hand or by himself which sends my anxiety through the roof. Keeping my eyes on three at a time is often a lovely challenge too. I have lost sight of the eldest before now, cue heart stopping panic.

It's also just way more expensive. Whenever I have to buy anything I have to buy three lots. E.g a trip to the zoo is a family ticket plus one extra child ticket rather than just the family one. When it's time to buy the autumn/winter wardrobes there's three to buy for. Christmas, three birthdays a year. A good example was something I want to get them all for Christmas only costs £25 but I have to buy it x3 so it's £75. £50 doesn't make my head hurt so much but £75 is just...

We needed a six seater dining table too. We'd need that if we only had two DC and had guests to dinner but we don't so our four seater did us just fine until DC3 upgraded to a booster seat on normal chair so we had to get a six seater, more expensive. Wanted a table and chairs for the garden, also more expensive as a six seater.

Sorry, this has turned into a bit of a rant. It does upset the dynamics of things though and the world is kind of adapted for a family of four. The world? Well, certainly this country and I imagine other first world ones too. I still wouldn't change a thing because DC3 is lovely of course but we did make life hard for ourselves and I wouldn't have chosen to have more than two.

Idontseeanysontarans · 29/08/2014 08:50

Not at all. Having a toddler, a teen and one approaching puberty is, well, interesting Grin but the larger age gap helps quite a lot for the most part.
Neither of us ever felt quite 'done' after the second and even though DC3 was unplanned we were very happy.
It was an upheaval having to move house but we were looking anyway, this just gave us the push we needed to actually get started.

needaholidaynow · 29/08/2014 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper · 29/08/2014 10:15

My DP is the middle child. Maybe it's just his family but he's pretty much ignored. It hurts him and he told me we'd never have uneven numbers of children.

fatlazymummy · 29/08/2014 10:26

Yes, I had a 3rd child, and regret it. That's because she's autistic and my life (and her older brothers life) is a lot crapper as a result. If I could turn the clock back then she wouldn't be here.
Would I have regretted it were she not autistic (or disabled in another way)? Probably not. I can cope with looking after children easily. The point is you just don't know how things are going to turn out.

tiredteddy · 29/08/2014 10:26

Best thing I ever did. Dc3 is a dream. Big age gap from my older cd is brilliant.

TheFirstOfHerName · 29/08/2014 10:34

I don't regret having a third, but feel slightly resentful that it turned out to be twins. I know that's wrong, but I feel like the decision to stop at three was taken away from me.