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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you how bad this is.

67 replies

4boys78 · 25/08/2014 21:32

last child unplanned. so at dinner whilst on holiday I said I hadn't relaxed as much as I woud have liked (due to running around after toddler).
dh replied well you never had an abortion.
I feel so sad as I feel dh will always throw this back in my face and will never do the hard slog withh our last child
so how bad is this on scale 1 to 10

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 25/08/2014 21:33

9.5.

Pretty disgusting thing to say really. I'd be mos worries about your DC hearing and understanding or just sensing that that is his attitude.

NewEraNewMindset · 25/08/2014 21:34

It doesnt sound a very friendly conversation, I don't know how to rate it though in terms if 'how bad'.

I am assuming he wanted you to abort and you went ahead with the pregnancy and now because of that you are not allowed to grumble about anything?

lomega · 25/08/2014 21:36

Wow...that's bad :/ Surely you both made the decision to have unprotected sex (assuming here?) He must have known therefore that a child could have, and did, result? (again assuming that he didn't think you were on the pill or something). sorry to seem insensitive, I am just shocked he would say that to you. what is your relationship normally like?

Jelliebabe2 · 25/08/2014 21:36

This a disgusting thing for him to say! I hopre you told him so too!

PersonOfInterest · 25/08/2014 21:36

9.5.

You both knew the risks, you got pregnant and took it on the chin. He should do the same.

Not use it as an excuse to dodge the hard stuff lazy bastard

mummymeister · 25/08/2014 21:37

blimey. what a horrible thing to say. did you discuss abortion? was he against the pregnancy from the start or is this an out of the blue comment. you are right when you post "our last child" its his child as well, same as any others in the family and he needs to take that on board now. kids notice pretty quickly when one in the family is being treated less favourably than the others. if you don't sort this out with him early on this will eat away at your relationship.

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2014 21:39

Horrible.

I wouldn't cope well with that.

losthermind · 25/08/2014 21:39

Think its a shitty thing to say about his own flesh and blood, regardless if planned or not, he obv didn't get think to make sure there was no little accidents so he has no hierarchy to stand at the top of, utter nob

Original poster
4boys78 · 25/08/2014 21:39

ñever discussed abortion before birth. so feeling shocked

OP posts:
fassbendersmistress · 25/08/2014 21:40

For the remark as well as his ongoing attitude.

This will get worse (or at least annoy you more) over time. Nip it in the bud now with a frank and direct chat. If it's left unchecked he's likely to be overhead by your DC and that would be terrible.

mummymeister · 25/08/2014 21:41

oh 4boys so where has this come from then? did he make it clear he didn't want another child and if so was this contraception failure issue or risking it? sounds like he thinks by saying this it is a way of getting out of looking after the LO but really it is just horrible. how many other dc's do you have?

EssexMummy123 · 25/08/2014 21:45

What an arse,
Why are you with such an arse?

MsAspreyDiamonds · 25/08/2014 21:45

That's disgusting and I hope your ds never hears your h say that comment about him.

I know someone who used to say that about her dc & they have cut her out of their lives completely. She is nearkng 60 now with gc she has never met all because she used to regret not aborting her dc. She used to say it in front of them which was a nasty thing to do.

TinyDancingHoofer · 25/08/2014 21:56

"Well you never had the snip" would have been my reply.

Unless you stole his sperm whilst he was drugged, the pregnancy was as much his responsibity as yours.

Has he apologised or does he say things like this regularly?

Mim78 · 25/08/2014 22:03

10

gobbynorthernbird · 25/08/2014 22:09

That's an 11. What an arse.

BlinkAndMiss · 25/08/2014 22:09

Disgusting. Unless you knew that he was prone to expressing nasty opinions in that way I'd be questioning why I was with him.

Children should be precious to their parents, not to score points with.

Arsehole.

fuzzpig · 25/08/2014 22:12

Horrific :(

Hassled · 25/08/2014 22:16

On the basis of your OP, that's really bloody awful.
On the basis of the fact you didn't even discuss abortion, that makes it even worse.

What's your DP's relationship like with the toddler?

FloraPost · 25/08/2014 22:19
  1. Not that it would excuse it, but I hope that was an out-of character remark some way into a boozy evening. Have you talked about it since?
Mylovelylovelyhorse · 25/08/2014 22:21

9.98

SpringItOn · 25/08/2014 22:25
  1. How did you react at the time? How did he defend that!?

So because it was unplanned all the running about is deemed your responsibility? That's how it reads. Unplanned= by both of you, you didn't get pregnant all on your own.

Bettycakes80 · 25/08/2014 22:26

I'd throw back, well you never had a vasectomy!
What an arse

LittlePeaPod · 25/08/2014 22:29
  1. What an awful thing to say about your own DC. Sad
Slutbucket · 25/08/2014 22:31

Disgusting comment.