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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you how bad this is.

67 replies

4boys78 · 25/08/2014 21:32

last child unplanned. so at dinner whilst on holiday I said I hadn't relaxed as much as I woud have liked (due to running around after toddler).
dh replied well you never had an abortion.
I feel so sad as I feel dh will always throw this back in my face and will never do the hard slog withh our last child
so how bad is this on scale 1 to 10

OP posts:
FedUpWithFriends · 25/08/2014 22:33
  1. I'd see it as he secretly wanted you to have an abortion and is now feeling resentful.

Or is he saying it was an unplanned pregnancy, you went ahead so now you can't complain about it? Although obviously I am assuming he was actually there throughout this too!

Moreisnnogedag · 25/08/2014 22:34

That's pretty ducking bad to say when the child in question is running around, not a theoretical possibility.

Does he help much generally?

LiberalLibertines · 25/08/2014 22:50

That's a terrible thing to say about your own child, to the mother of that child.

How does he behave with your youngest op?

MrsGeorgeMichael · 25/08/2014 22:55

11 :(

LetTheRiverAnswer · 25/08/2014 22:58

We have an unplanned third dc. We may occassionally say "Just think, we could have been sitting here while the kids played if we hadn't been so silly" (he is much loved, but he is only 14 months and a real runner-offer) Always we, because its a shared responsibility. Id be devastated if dh said anything like that about ds3.

LizLimone · 25/08/2014 23:04

That's a vile comment to make. Just imagine if one of your older DC happened to overhear him saying this, or worse he keeps this up and your youngest DS hears it when he is old enough to understand. It doesn't bear thinking about and that's why you need to challenge him on it and nip it in the bud.

WoodliceCollection · 25/08/2014 23:07

He's a dickhead. You have older children, right? So he knows sex can lead to pregnancy, so (assuming you didn't get artificially inseminated) the pregnancy was equally his responsibility, and he didn't take a surgical route to prevent it any more than you did. You know, you would probably get a rest at least every other weekend if you dump him...

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 25/08/2014 23:10

10 - was he Dad of the year with the older DCs or has he always been prone to making remarks like that?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 25/08/2014 23:18

At least a 10.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 25/08/2014 23:20

Wow, that's awful. Does he have a bond with your youngest child at all? That's an awful thing to say.

Andrewofgg · 25/08/2014 23:32

Off the scale. What a slob. There are some things you just don't say even if you think them.

allisgood1 · 25/08/2014 23:33

About 25. Hideous comment. Confused

slithytove · 26/08/2014 00:05

Fucking disgusting considering DC exists.

This has upset me for your toddler and for you.

I don't usually say this, but I would be reconsidering my relationship.

Petitgrain · 26/08/2014 00:24

I'm almost in tears for your youngest. I can't imagine the sort of human being who could say that about their child. That's properly, disgustingly nasty. You can't let that remark go unchallenged OP, please.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/08/2014 00:48

10 worse than "I've had sex with your mother and she's pregnant so she's moving in"

What a vile man

Original poster
4boys78 · 26/08/2014 18:50

thank you for replies. actually said it in front of all 4 boys. I kind of ignoredIit at the time in the hope the boys didn't hear.
he was fine with older dc and does try now with youngest although did very little in 1st year. Really not sure we have a future.
serious discussions needed when back home.
thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
4boys78 · 26/08/2014 18:57

we have 4 boys. He wasn:t drunk. Just fed up of of ds4 interrupting restaaurant meals on hols but its not him eating one handed.

OP posts:
GarlicAugustus · 26/08/2014 19:05

"I am irritated by having a small child again.
I didn't want another one.
My wife grew & birthed him.
If she hadn't done that, I wouldn't be getting annoyed now.
It's all her fault.
She should have stopped the fourth child."

I can't even begin to comment on how spectacularly immature that is, not to mention selfish - and cruel to both you and the children.

Presumably he'll be very sorry, etc, and understand it was his choice as much as yours? But it sounds as though you know this is his truth ... and I'm not sure how you'd get past that if you wanted to.

miffybun73 · 26/08/2014 19:07
Badvoc123 · 26/08/2014 19:12

Jesus.
You have to ask!?

HighFiveThenSquidAway · 26/08/2014 19:24

10 :( a disgusting thing to say, poor you and dc hearing something like that.

rainbowinmyroom · 26/08/2014 19:33

Has he had a vasectomy yet?

What a fuckwitted thing to say.

Men who say they never want anymore children, then don't get the snip and use a condom, then expect a person to have an abortion for their benefit are cunts.

MrRabbitsUtopia · 26/08/2014 19:33

That is a vile thing to say. That wouldn't even be funny if said in a jokey way out of earshot of any children. I would be making it very clear that a line was crossed and that it wasn't to be crossed again. We all get annoyed with our children sometimes but to comment on how they may not have existed in the first place is totally out of order.

Holdthepage · 26/08/2014 19:43

Totally vile thing to say, even worse that he said it in front of the DCs. He is disgusting & you need to put him straight before he airs these views again. I trust he has now had a vasectomy?

Original poster
4boys78 · 26/08/2014 20:10

yes vasectomy done.

OP posts: