To ask for my inheritance back?

[WhatToDoNow123]

NC, am regular user but don't want this to be linked with previous threads as it'll out me!
Will try and keep this brief but feel free to ask questions to clarify as it's confusing and complicated!
My dad died when I was a child (under 10), leaving me, mum and sister. At the time he had a well-paid job with good pension etc and DM didn't work. His death resulted in a lump sum being paid which paid off the balance of our house plus an annuity for life for my mum which was/is the equivalent of a good salary (think well over 4 figures net per month) and also a smaller annuity for me and DS while we were in full-time education (including uni).
To cut a long story short my mum spent all that money and more. We moved into a bigger house and didn't have to pay a mortgage as the lump sum plus equity from the last one covered that. So life improved that way. But we got no money to help us through uni (I had to self-fund and ended up taking over 10 years to complete a degree due to lack of funds) and DS didn't even try to go as she couldn't afford it. We are now both married with DC and although we are ok financially, we are both saving up to move to a bigger house.
However, mum's house has tripled in value. Unfortunately in order to have an extravagant lifestyle, she has borrowed so much against the house so now despite the rise in value there is very little equity in it. She has now decided to move out of the house into a rented place in a different area and is also making plans about buying things like a sports car with what's left after the sale of the house, so there will be nothing left. My DS and I have spoken to DM over the years about her money problems and she would not admit to anything being an issue and maintained that although the house was an expensive commitment to maintain, she was doing it to pay the mortgage off and then split the money 3 ways when it was eventually sold so that DS and I could finally get our inheritance.
I don't know what to do - do I just let the sale go through and she wastes the last of our dad's money or do I say something and come across as greedy whilst she's struggling? Or something else completely? Please help!

Ave you got legal insurance as part of your home or car insurance? Might be worth contacting them to ask for some free advice initially. Even if they don't cover it all the way to making a claim they would hopefully at least be able to start you off in the right direction without your needing to incur too many costs...

And this is an appalling case of financial abuse of children by your mum - and also so sad that you forked out so much to spend your time at uni with her and that your sis missed out on uni when she should have had enough money to go.

Do you think anyone at the financial firm was in cahoots with your mum to enable her to take all the money or to present you with forms to sign without making you/your sis aware that you would be much better off getting the money yourself - or indeed that you were allowed the choice?

Blimey, I felt bad the other day having to borrow a fiver from ds (9) from his birthday money as I needed it for the passport photobooth and didn't have any with me. He was happy to lend and got it back with interest (well, a comic!) a couple of days later. I just can't imagine wanting to steal from your children and watching them suffer both short term and long term hardship because of it! Definitely think she should suffer the consequences of her actions!

The sister not going is a bit odd though, as I would have thought that the mum would have encouraged her so that she could claim the annuity monies for her too. These are funds that you get or don't get as a beneficiary, there would have been no benefit to the mother in the sister not going to university the payments wodul simply have stopped. Still it sounds as if the mother is possibly mostly stupid about money, and the OP and her sister too young to understand how it should have worked for them.

OP, I agree that your mother has acted appallingly. I'm crap at emotional support, but in practical terms there are a couple of things you can do. First, get hold of the rules of the pension scheme your annuity was paid from - they may be online, but in any event the trustees are obliged to give you a copy if you ask. They should say whether your annuity was payable to you and your DSis, or whether it was an increase to the annuity payable to your mother. If it's the former, you may have a case for compensation from the trustees, but probably not if it's the latter.

If you have a case for compensation, get in touch with the trustees to find out their dispute resolution procedure - they have to have one of these by law. Try to get in touch with TPAS (pensions advisory service) to support you through this - it's a free service staffed by pensions experts who give their time voluntarily. If you don't get anywhere with the trustees, then consider contacting the Pensions Ombudsman - again, it's a free service, TPAS will help prepare your case for free, and the Ombudsman can order the trustees to pay compensation to you if they've acted wrongly in paying your pension to your mother's account. On the facts as you've given them, I'd say you've a pretty strong case for reclaiming everything paid to your mother after your 16th birthday.

Thank you for the useful replies - Tart I will make sure I get in touch with them - thanks.
Nooka she was not stupid - my DS went out and got a job at 18 and was then charged double the previous rate of board as she was earning money. So that covered the loss of the annuity money and then some. And yes it was the situation that a previous poster highlighted - DS couldn't get grants etc as the household income was too high but couldn't afford to fund it herself. I'd failed to fund mine with 2 part time jobs and had to drop out halfway through so I think that made her see that it really was impossible.

How terribly hurtful to realise all this. :( I think there's been some fab advice here, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that you can resolve this, and find a way to heal and recover from what she's done.

All of which means that if you do get to a point that you can start to claim the money back - from your mother, pension company or whoever - then don't just look at the money that you didn't receive that stopped when you dropped out of college/didn't start college - but look at what you would have had, had you had the money yourself to pay for your college. Work out if you had had your money, gone to live in halls and not pay any money to your mum for board etc how feasible it would have been to have gone to college without a grant - would your the money and your part time job money have been enough to have got you through without needing to drop out? Or for your sister to at least start college? And what about what courses you would have done - might you have gone on to do a masters course or phd for a year or two or three that would have been also covered by the money?

Because if the money had been explicitly left for the purpose of your further education and your mother's demands / misappropriation of the money have meant that you have missed out, then they ought to be looking at compensating your for what you should have had! Even if you get some and not all of that - then it's a good starting point and will help to make your mother (or her friends or those that know her) realise exactly what you and your sister have forfeited for her greed...

I don't think there's any way to heal after the way both the OP and her DS have been so cynically exploited. And for so long, too.

The plain truth is that there is likely to be very little cash and assets left. Sounds like there's not that much equity in the property either and that's going to be sold to finance rent and a car.

She's going to be in a very, very difficult position once all the cash has gone. Two children and neither willing to subsidise or finance her in her old age. Maybe not even to visit her in her dotage. What a pity. Not.

Your dad's will is public record that is where you start.

I think you need to get legal advice and do it ASAP before the house is sold and money spent.

And your mum sounds like a nasty stupid irresponsible bitch who deserves a lonely and poor old age.

Sorry, by heal, I meant WhatToDo and her dsis. They will have to come to terms with what their dm has chosen to do to them.

The relationship will never be fixed/repaired sadly, but these sisters need to be able to find a place that doesn't hurt so much.

When you're ready WhatToDon come find Stately Homes? We'll look out for you! Xx

Just had a look at my pension docs as this got me thinking! I am a civil servant and if i were to die in service, the scheme would pay out a lump sum, plus 37% of my pension to a dependant spouse for life, plus 30% each to two children up to 18, or 23 if in full time education. Obviously no idea what OPs father did, but sounds similar to the insurance/pension in question. So it isn't really a will issue, but your mother has defrauded you and/or the pension/insurance company by taking money meant for you.

Sounds horribly painful. It's very difficult to understand how a parent could do that to their children, apart from the greed and deceit it's such a stupidly short term view. I assume that the OP's mother feels that the world owes her, perhaps becasue of the early death of the OP'd father, although perhaps she was just always incredibly selfish.

As TartinaTiara suggests TPAS does sound like the place to start accessing support in trying at least to understand what happened and what the rules were. Hopefully there is some case against the administers of the fund, as they probably have the financial means for redress, although proof of their wrongdoing might be difficult.

What an awful situation.

This sounds like something you do need specialist legal advice about- I wonder whether it actually counts as fraud, and whether the financial services company who administered the annuity have behaved negligently.

That annuity was, by the sounds of it, intended for you and your sister. It was never used for its intended purpose because your mother stole it to squander on her own wants. If she's struggling now that's he own fault. If she has actually committed a crime, which sounds entirely possible, then that's her responsibility too.

I understand how you feel but I agree...it was hers to make choices with and she made bad choices, and you got ripped off. But it was her money to do with as she pleased. I think it's a lost cause trying to get anything now unfortunately.

darkandstormy did you read past the OP? It WASN'T her money. She got a lump sum and her own annuity but then decided to take mine and my sister's annuities too. They were in our name and left to us. If mum wasted all her own money then yes, you're right, she can make whatever choices she wants with her money. I just want mine back :(

Although I think you're right about the lost cause bit :(

It probably is a lost cause, but worth seeking legal advice because had DarkandStormy bothered to read beyond OP she would know it wasn't the mother's money to make choices with.

I think while you might have a case .
How money and time are willing to lose pursuing it.

How much money does your mum have to give you .

You might end award the money and legal cost for mum not to either want or be able to pay you.

It would be be better case if sister came in with you.

The fact that you could not get government loan or grant cos you had too money is no body fault. You mum did not have surrport a college/uni.

You might have case against the trustees for not talking to eat of you when you turn 18.

darkandstormy, read the thread!!

op, even if there isn't much money to recover, I'd contact citizens advice and see if they could help, even if it's just to send your mother a letter letting her know you and your sister have found out how she has stolen what was rightfully yours and how you feel she has let you and your dad down.

unfortunately, IME, people like her dont have a conscience so you won't get the heartfelt apology you certainly deserve, I just hope time allows you to treat her in the callous way she has treated you and leave her to grow old without your help and support

for you.

Plan of action.

1. Get a copy of your father's will. I would want to know if plans for the annuity are mentioned and any other monies/division of assets.

1. Contact the financial/pension provider. You are entitled to see the documentation for your annuity. Your DSis would have to contact them herself for hers.

If you cannot get the documentation from them try your DF old employer.

1. If you are stalled by the financial/pension company I would...

a. Ask for details of their complains/resolutions procedures. b. Ask what reasons they are not providing you with your documentation.

1. When you get the information and depending on the wording of it (I am assuming you and DSis are named beneficiaries) then you have options.

1. If the company is delaying or stonewalling you you must follow their internal resolution procedure to the end. Only by following to the end can you go forward to the FINANCIAL SERVICES OMBUDSMAN.

Get the documentation, make an appointment with a solicitor. I imagine you have a case both against your dM and the company responsible for administering the annuity. A solicitor will best advise how to make the claim.

All contact make in writing/email and make notes of any phone conversations. Who you spoke to, time, date and nature of conversation.

Sorry I have only skimmed through the thread.

I think you need to set the feelings of guilt aside, it appears your mother doesn't have the same guilt if she is planning to squander what is left on a sports car. It appears to me your DM is trying to keep up appearances.

HMCS (based in Leeds) will do a probate search for a £10 fee. All applications must be made in writing with the enclosed fee.
I think it is essential that you clarify the terms of the will/payout. If there is a clause regarding your upkeep then your mother would be within the terms of the will/payout - her underhand attitude and bleeding you dry through board aside.

Hi, WhatToDoNow, really sorry to hear about what your mum has done. Nine years ago I was in your mum's situation when my husband died. I don't think requesting a will may help as everything was left to me. The children's annuities appeared when his pension provider contacted me after his death (hence nothing to do with will). It was similar to your mum in that I got an annuity for life and our two chn got a small one while in full time education. The money was paid into my account and as they were both at Uni at the time I set it up so it went into their account. There were no safeguards or checks to ensure I did this. Sorry, this is probably not much help.

I am enraged on your behalf OP. What a selfish woman your mother is.
I cannot believe there are people like this out there. I am sorry you had such a tough time.
I have no words of wisdom but just wanted to send you lost of luck in pursuing what is yours. I hope you and your Dsis can work together in this.