To ask for my inheritance back?

[WhatToDoNow123]

NC, am regular user but don't want this to be linked with previous threads as it'll out me!
Will try and keep this brief but feel free to ask questions to clarify as it's confusing and complicated!
My dad died when I was a child (under 10), leaving me, mum and sister. At the time he had a well-paid job with good pension etc and DM didn't work. His death resulted in a lump sum being paid which paid off the balance of our house plus an annuity for life for my mum which was/is the equivalent of a good salary (think well over 4 figures net per month) and also a smaller annuity for me and DS while we were in full-time education (including uni).
To cut a long story short my mum spent all that money and more. We moved into a bigger house and didn't have to pay a mortgage as the lump sum plus equity from the last one covered that. So life improved that way. But we got no money to help us through uni (I had to self-fund and ended up taking over 10 years to complete a degree due to lack of funds) and DS didn't even try to go as she couldn't afford it. We are now both married with DC and although we are ok financially, we are both saving up to move to a bigger house.
However, mum's house has tripled in value. Unfortunately in order to have an extravagant lifestyle, she has borrowed so much against the house so now despite the rise in value there is very little equity in it. She has now decided to move out of the house into a rented place in a different area and is also making plans about buying things like a sports car with what's left after the sale of the house, so there will be nothing left. My DS and I have spoken to DM over the years about her money problems and she would not admit to anything being an issue and maintained that although the house was an expensive commitment to maintain, she was doing it to pay the mortgage off and then split the money 3 ways when it was eventually sold so that DS and I could finally get our inheritance.
I don't know what to do - do I just let the sale go through and she wastes the last of our dad's money or do I say something and come across as greedy whilst she's struggling? Or something else completely? Please help!

Oh I agree, the mother sounds either selfish or really bad with money.

You are certainly not being unreasonable and I am appalled at your mother's behaviour. Disgraceful.

I hope it works out for you.

I think the best way to resolve this would be approach your mother and see what she says. Although it sounds like she has little in the way of assets left, she presumably still has her annuity coming in, and maybe you could propose she share some of it with you to compensate for what she has taken.

If she won't cooperate and you're determined to get the money back then you need to seek legal advice. But this sounds like a "death in service" benefit, so it will not be a case of trying to enforce a will as some people have suggested, the issue will be whether you father's pension company and your mother have acted legally. If you were living at home during the time you were at uni then your mother could argue that she was using the money for your upkeep and the emphasis might end up being on you to prove otherwise.

To answer the questions coming up - it was definitely an annuity as part of his death in service package.
AreThereAny - I didn't question the money at the time as I didn't know it existed in my name, I stayed at home thru uni as I went to the local one and wasn't entitled to live in halls until they'd housed all students who were priority (i.e. from out of the area). Was just my luck that the year I went was a bumper year, there were students living with lecturers until others dropped out of their courses and rooms came up in halls!
And the money I paid board from came from 2 part-time jobs that I had through uni.

You need legal advice but you also need to write down everything you know and remember with any documentation you can get.

I guess to an extent she did support you through uni by housing you and paying utilities etc. I know you paid board but you did not have to rent a room in a shared house and pay for it yourself.

Agree that it might come down to an insurance issue, not a will issue - but get the will anyway, and the grant [of probate] which will tell you who the executors are, so that you have full information.

And I second the suggestion of starting a thread in legal.

I would see a solicitor.

If you say there is no equity left in the house is there any point in chasing this?

The fact that the firm who administered the annuity shut down all correspondence would suggest that they're aware someone has fucked up at their end, perhaps by not ensuring that the payees were changed after you turned 18. In which case (and I'm not a lawyer), they would surely have to reimburse you initially and then recover the funds from your mum?

I think if it were me I'd have to at least investigate the legal route, irregardless of the likelihood of getting anything off her what with the house and remortgages and all. I'd have to know that I at least tried and looked into it before really being able to "let go" if it's simply not realistic.

It goes without saying that it looks like one day, however this goes, she's going to come to your sister and you looking for money. Her lifestyle is unsustainable. You need to decide now what your 'policy' on that is going to be.

The issue may well be with the administrator of the annuity. You need to know the terms of the annuity before you can go any further. If it was me I would write to them again asking for the terms and then take legal advice if they are not cooperative or the terms are not easily understood.

There will be an ombudsman who you can go to if you are not satisfied with any outcome.

Hopefully you will remember that you haven't signed the annuity over to your mother.

I guess to an extent she did support you through uni by housing you and paying utilities etc. I know you paid board but you did not have to rent a room in a shared house and pay for it yourself

But that was hardly what the dad had in mind, was it? I'm sure he would have wanted his daughters to be better provided for.

OP this must be desperately hard for you.

Definitely worth pursuing the administrators as they sound more likely to be able to pony up than your mother. Their not responding to you sounds like a classic stonewalling tactic by people aware they have screwed up.

I once had similar from a legal firm who screwed up a charging order I was raising against a landlady who hadn't repaid me my deposit - they finally got back with a compensation offer 2 hours before my final deadline for reporting them to the Law Society

Obviously your mum sounds culpable too; just not sure you will practically get much out of her...

Agree with PP that you need to get legal advice asap. The only snag is that solicitors cost a lot of money, possibly more than you're owed - forcing the sale of a house is not easy and costs a huge amount.

Absolutely furious on your behalf. Does sound like its not an inheritance issue, but insurance company screwed up. I would try pursuing them, but also talk openly to your mum about it. Especially the next time she suggests a sports car.
as others have said you may have legal cover on your home insurance

I think that your mother has behaved appallingly. However, if you lived with her during all your time in education, she will be argue that the money from your annuity was used for your board and lodging. I'm sure that she even tells herself this and will have conveniently forgotten that you were paying her for your board. Unless you can prove that you were giving her money for food and bills once you were 16 it may be hard to prove that she was spending your annuity on herself rather than you.

It may be worth finding out if the money should have been paid directly to you once you were 18 rather than your mother though as perhaps if there was a mistake she will have to pay the money back (and then they will pay you).

Deck I totally agree with you. I was just trying to show if the mother was arguing her case then she may say that she did support her Daughter through university by housing her.

I am so sorry about what has happened. You must be furious. Where would you like to go from here? Are you prepared to go to court for this money?

Thank you for your replies to my questions. This is really awful. Essentially your own mother has stolen from you. And at a time when she didn't need the money and you did. She has affected your sisters future earnings. Should the police be involved here, since it's theft? (Disclaimer, that might be silly, but just putting it put there)

Or, if you like your mother and want to support her, possibly support her for help with this addiction?

Why couldn't your sister go to uni? You managed to and millions of others do without a "trust fund" as such.

Your mum is likely to argue she kept you all the way through uni as your dad wanted it so. You went to uni so the money was used. It's your sister that has lost out for some reason.

She does sound feckless, I wonder who she will turn to when her chickens come home to roost and she is potless?

Daisy maybe the sis was one of the many students caught in-between not being eligible for grants/loans due to parental income and not actually getting any parental support. I remember a boy on my course dropping out due to extreme poverty (no grant or loan at all) as the only way to access funding was for his parents to declare that they wouldn't support him, which they refused to do.

Grants and loans for uni are dependent on parental income, so if the mother as on a high income the daughter might have been entitled to less support from other sources.

Daisy that is so sad. Why are some people so shitty to their children?

Just hauled my jaw off the floor! What a dreadful thing to do to your own kids. I receive an annuity, arranged by my late husband, who died 22 years ago. Your mother had no business to filch YOUR annuity for yourself. I know OP contacted the annuity provider but I get the impression they stonewalled her - she and her sister must have been named when the annuity arrangements were drawn up. I agree with those above who suggest seeing a solicitor as soon as possible. They will be the best people to put a rocket up the annuity provider, to obtain info. at exactly how much was paid and where it went.

I get a yearly statement concerning my annuity - how much paid, how much deducted in tax. Your mother must have received similar documents regarding your and your sister's annuities. She's acted, I reckon, in a very very dodgy and downright greedy way - I am so sorry. Please, see a solicitor as soon as possible. Get a copy of the Will first and if you can find any other documents pertaining to your inheritance, copy those too. Best of luck - I am outraged on your behalf - how could a mother do that to her children?