To ask for my inheritance back?

[WhatToDoNow123]

NC, am regular user but don't want this to be linked with previous threads as it'll out me!
Will try and keep this brief but feel free to ask questions to clarify as it's confusing and complicated!
My dad died when I was a child (under 10), leaving me, mum and sister. At the time he had a well-paid job with good pension etc and DM didn't work. His death resulted in a lump sum being paid which paid off the balance of our house plus an annuity for life for my mum which was/is the equivalent of a good salary (think well over 4 figures net per month) and also a smaller annuity for me and DS while we were in full-time education (including uni).
To cut a long story short my mum spent all that money and more. We moved into a bigger house and didn't have to pay a mortgage as the lump sum plus equity from the last one covered that. So life improved that way. But we got no money to help us through uni (I had to self-fund and ended up taking over 10 years to complete a degree due to lack of funds) and DS didn't even try to go as she couldn't afford it. We are now both married with DC and although we are ok financially, we are both saving up to move to a bigger house.
However, mum's house has tripled in value. Unfortunately in order to have an extravagant lifestyle, she has borrowed so much against the house so now despite the rise in value there is very little equity in it. She has now decided to move out of the house into a rented place in a different area and is also making plans about buying things like a sports car with what's left after the sale of the house, so there will be nothing left. My DS and I have spoken to DM over the years about her money problems and she would not admit to anything being an issue and maintained that although the house was an expensive commitment to maintain, she was doing it to pay the mortgage off and then split the money 3 ways when it was eventually sold so that DS and I could finally get our inheritance.
I don't know what to do - do I just let the sale go through and she wastes the last of our dad's money or do I say something and come across as greedy whilst she's struggling? Or something else completely? Please help!

Gosh that's awful - your mother has stolen all your inheritance from your Dad and is now making sure you get none from her too - that's really quite evil. :(

Definitely get legal advice - but I don't know that you'll be able to retrieve any of the money, if she doesn't actually have it.

Do you know who the executor of the Will was/is? They may be liable for having failed to administer the terms of the Will properly, I don't know - legal advice will tell you that - if it was your Mum, then she almost certainly would be liable, but I don't know about anyone else.

The money should have been put in Trust for you, with someone other than your mother as a Trustee - I'm so sorry she's choused you out of your money. Foul woman.

I don't think that getting the will is actually particularly key in this case, as the money that the OP is talking about is not inheritance. The funds that the OP is referring to is essentially a form of life insurance - I have something similar in my work benefits package and I don't even have a will (yet!). Dh's mother had something similar which paid off the mortgage for his father (dh and his siblings were all over 18).

As the administrator hasn't been very helpful I would be using a solicitor to go after them, to find out the terms and conditions of the annuity and ask why once the OP was over 18 and at university the funds were not sent to her directly. I suspect it's only those years that the OP could make some sort of claim for though as prior to that the OP lived at home so it would be seen as reasonable that the funds went to her mother.

Of course it is also possible that the OP's mother has also taken money due to her and her sister under the terms of her father's will, but it's fairly standard for wills to be made that give all funds to the living spouse, with funds for children often being locked in trust and so not easily accessible.

By coincidence I was looking up the terms of my death in service the other day. There is a pension to my spouse and a pension for dependant children up until early 20s (or life if they are disabled). This is just the terms of the thing, rather than my choice. I suspect the same for the op? I wonder if there is a claim is against the pension/life insurance company for poorly administering if post the age of 18?

I think that you need legal advice.
I was in a similar position to your mother.
I had a pension which was for me and my son - both came to me each month. However the moment he was 18 yrs it went directly to him - it was automatic and not a choice- that continued until he finished full time education or was 25yrs(whichever came first). There was no way I would have taken this money, but I couldn't have got hold of it anyway. I don't understand how your mother stole it, which is why you want legal advice.

Yes op, get legal advice. Your mother sounds, at best, extremely selfish. I don't know how anyone can do that to their children.
YANBU.

She is probably well meaning- just hopeless with money and got herself in a right mess. I don't understand how she was allowed to do it with your share.

OP I'm furious on your behalf. I'm not sure what can be done though if she has spent it all and there is little equity left in the house. What on earth has she done with this money?! If she was mean enough to charge you board while claiming and spinning your annuity - this to her OWN child - I can't see what good confronting her about it will do. She clearly doesn't suffer from guilt - very few irresponsible people do.

*spinning = spunking

Get legal advice. From what you've said the annuities were paid to your mother to help her bring you and your DS up but she then used the money to fund her lifestyle instead. I could understand there being no money left if she had been struggling for money and had to spend it just to feed and clothe you but not for the circumstances you've described.

I've been ina similar situation. My mum died when I was 20 and my stepfather inherited everything and as the executor of her will he then choose to do the absolute bare minimum required for myself and my DB. Since then he has remarried, sold the house and used the equity to buy a bigger house and then disappeared - apparently he couldn't give me his new contact details because it was a new build house. Unfortunately some people are just very greedy by nature.

It does sound like a pension issue rather than an inheritance issue. Presumably when you and your sister turned 18 the trustees sent your mother a form to complete to indicate where the money should be paid now that you were of age and she put her own bank account details in rather than yours. I've no idea how this affects the legal position but she has been at best massively greedy - she's taken your annuity and charged you rent at the same time, while working in a well-paid job, getting an annuity of her own and not having a huge mortgage! Not what your father would have wanted, as she must surely know.

I'd get legal advice if you can but you may have to accept that the money has gone and you won't see a penny of it. How this affects your relationship with your mother is of course the big thing now.

Situation may be more complicated. Did your dad leave an annuity for you or was it through life insurance. My sons is paid to me- it helps pay towards the cost of raising him.It is not 'his' but it's an extra payment that covers some of our bills.
In addition to this, it had nothing to do with inheritance- just a life insurance policy his employers took out.
What was it op?

Nooka

You don't have a Will? Suppose you were to be killed in a road accident? One's assets do not automatically go to next of kin. Get one written. Your DH and children will suffer if you don't.

I am so sorry that you lost your Dad when you were so small :(

Your Mum has behave atrociously and nastily and I'm sorry that having lost one parent, your other parent has been like this - it's not fair :(

You definitely need to go and speak to a solicitor. Don't hold back, she hasn't. It's a shame your Dad didn't tie the money up better for you, but it was obviously his intention that you were supported financially - not fleeced.

You need proper legal advice and to put a charge against her existing house which will at least prevent the sale of it until the situation is resolved.

Before you see the solicitor, as well as the will try to get the full details of the annuity and payments made with the company providing it. Put everything in writing (email is fine). They might be reluctant to share this, but since it's in your name they presumably have to share full details, and if they refuse you could make a complaint to the relevant ombudsman/regulator.

You might want to have this thread moved to Legal Matters.

There is also a lawyer/will writer called Mumblechum who gives advice on Legal Matters & knows all about this stuff. Contact her through search - she also advertises in Classifieds.

I'd get a copy of the will first though.

Sorry to be the voice of doom, but if the amount you have been cheated out of is £25k, and your mother has mortgaged her house up to the hilt, I really think there will be nothing left once she has sold the house and repaid the mortgages. If there was anything left the legal costs would swallow all of that up in no time at all.

Do you have any memory of signing papers that she shoved in front of you when you were 16 or 18? It may well be that you were unknowingly signing a form with her bank account details on it which would be taken as your agreement that the money could be paid directly to her rather than to you.

Can you explain why you didn't question your mother for the money when you were at uni? And, if it was more to board with her than at uni halls, why didn't you stay in halls? Also, where did you gr the money from to pay her board?
I'm asking cos the situation and your mothers behaviour are so appalling, I'm not sure why it hasn't come up earlier.

Was the money just for uni or to feed you?

This is an unusual situation. Annuities are not something your average 16 or 18yo would know anything about. To a large extent most of us accept what our parents do as normality. It can take a long time to grasp that other people do things differently. I remember in my teens being amazed to discover that other people's parents thought nothing of having an overdraft - for my Scottish Presbyterian parents debt was shameful and their top priority in managing our household finances was keeping out of the red and saving for the future.

Morally your mother has treated you badly by not helping with the costs of university.
I think you need clarity as to whether she has acted legally next.

She may argue that she used the money to feed you and house you before uni and then towards her household costs when you were at uni so you had a room to go back to during the holidays.

Well, she could try. OP says that the mortgage was paid off and that from the age of 16 both daughters were paying their mother board and lodging to supplement the three annuities and her earnings and her partner's contributions to the household expenses. I think most households could have managed things so that there was something left out of that to pay to support the girls through university.