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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want toy guns

307 replies

yesiamwhoyouthinkiam · 24/08/2014 23:02

I know I will get a lot of 'boys will use sticks as guns, it's just what they do' responses but I wondered if there were any other parents here who have successfully managed to at least keep toy guns out of their houses?

My DS (almost 4) has already started making shooting actions, talking about 'good shot' and mentioned 'killing monsters with guns' which I know he has picked up from nursery and my DHs tendency to let him watch slightly unsuitable cartoons (scooby doo, super ted).

I have tried explaining that guns are just not nice things to have but clearly it's all just a game to DS.

Was quite aghast at his similar aged cousin threatening to shoot my DS this week.

Anyone been able to successfully keep guns away from their kids (boys I suppose) even after they have started school?

OP posts:
KneeQuestion · 25/08/2014 14:38

I think you have a point there Pictish.

However chance of locating real and dangerous swords I would say is quite remote

Not really.

In fact, it is easier to get your hands on a real sword, than a real gun.

scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 14:40

Testosterone surge at 5yo,biddulph.has no medical basis.its simply untrue
In fact at 5yo both male and female have same Testosterone level

CountBapula · 25/08/2014 14:42

Swords are not ideal. I'm not crazy about him playing with them. But as I say, I pick my battles. Guns are a far bigger societal problem than swords. For me that means small children playing with guns is too close for comfort.

It's not snobbery. It's not PC-ness. It's personal preference.

pictish · 25/08/2014 14:45

Swords, guns, wands, light sabres, and pretend magic are all the same bloody thing. A tool to act out the murder of your tiny opponent.
Don't kid yourselves that one's ok, while the other's a disgrace that must be outlawed from the home.

Do any of you even think about what pirates actually are and were, for example?
Yo ho ho and a bottle of plunder, killing, rape, torture and theft by menaces.

But little Toby must not have a gun! Hmm

pictish · 25/08/2014 14:47

Oh and ditto knights. Bunch of thugs.

Tanith · 25/08/2014 14:49

I have noticed there's not nearly the fuss over banning toy combat knives. I think they, too, have no place as children's toys.
We still have pretend knives and forks, though Smile

The swords question is an interesting one. I don't think it's a class thing; I have removed a pretty lethal wooden sword that one of the kids came in with - part of his costume for dressing up day at school.
I do have a knight costume and a Buzz Lightyear costume, but no sword or laser gun.

Migsy1 · 25/08/2014 14:55

My house is full of toy guns. Obviously, my boys are very violent and are training to be assassins. I want them to grow up as tough as possible.

CountBapula · 25/08/2014 15:08

I limit pirate stuff for exactly those reasons, pictish.

DS1 has a helmet and shield we got him on holiday in Carcassonne (I know! How naice!). DH made him a sword out of wood to go with it. So he's essentially dressing up as someone from the 12th century. For me, that's long enough ago to put it in the realms of fantasy - not that different from Star Wars.

On the other hand, a couple of months ago a teenage boy was shot dead outside our local supermarket (less than ten minutes' walk from our house).

I cannot think of any context in which I'd want my kids pretending to use guns. Even the police don't have them. Thankfully. That's not to say DS1 doesn't still engage in gun play with bananas or clothes pegs - but I won't encourage it by buying him a toy gun.

Personal preference. I generally dislike violent play, as I said. But I feel less comfortable with some forms of it than others.

LarrytheCucumber · 25/08/2014 15:15

Thank you Countbapula.

scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 15:16

Best not get medical dress up,you know surgeons were taught anatomy on corpses of criminals or corpse from grave robbing
Wouldn't want child to mimic brutal surgeons

VodIsGod · 25/08/2014 15:26

Haven't read all of thread but presuming that this is your PFB? I was exactly the same as you with DS1, managed to keep him completely unaware of guns until preschool/school. Now I have 3DSs and the eldest taught the youngest to react to a 'gunshot' by falling on the floor and playing dead. My youngest was 2. I was uncomfortable with it but valued the time his older brother took to play with him. And they were having a lot of fun. Now my house is full of swords, lightsabers, nerf guns and water pistols. They love a good battle. But they also like reading and small fluffy animals and colouring and cuddles.

It's not everything. Relax.

LarrytheCucumber · 25/08/2014 15:29

My DS did eventually join Cadets, at 15, although we weren't keen. But that isn't a solution for a four year old.

scousadelic · 25/08/2014 15:39

I read a really good thread on here where the OP heard new mums criticising her toddler for having a tantrum and thinking their PFBs would never do that. She had told them that when their babies were older and did this, she hoped they would understand the sympathetic looks from other mothers as we all have to learn it.

I think this thread is an equivalent. Those of us whose children are older are just suggesting you pick your battles, it's not always what children play but how we educate them around those issues that matter. My son had guns and we largely ignored them and focussed on other nicer toys, as a teenager he played video games but understood that they were not real life, he has grown up to be a lovely adult if I say so myself Blush

CalamityKate1 · 25/08/2014 15:49

Pictish I think you're absolutely right.
I spent far too much time and energy worrying about DSs gun obsession.
He likes Harry Potter wands now. What's the difference, really? You're just as "dead" after "Avada Kedavra" as you are after "BANG!!"

And totally agree with it maybe being a class thing.

Images of kids playing pirates and swinging swords are common in advertising etc, however I can't say I've ever seen an image of a small boy in combats, wielding an AK47 used in a positive way Grin

Tanith · 25/08/2014 15:49

I think you're confusing imaginative play with violent play, Scottishmummy and Pictish.

If playing surgeons were involve attacking the pretend patient with a scalpel and pretending to cut his or her throat, you might have a point!

scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 15:53

Keep up tanith,read thread.I've habitually encouraged people not yo project adult motives onto children free play

Im simply noting,all this limiting toys due to negative association makes no sense
Dressing up as a pirate doesn't make child a pirate.or mean they'll enact the behaviour

RiverTam · 25/08/2014 16:07

I won't have toy guns in the house (though it hasn't come up as DD hasn't expressed any interest or pretended anything else is a gun). I live in an area where gun crime is a reality (there was a fatal shooting about 5 minutes from my house when DD was about 2, and that's not the first nor last in my area - when there are spot-checks on tickets at the station, the inspectors are always accompanied by a large contingent of police and sometimes those metal detector scanner things you walk through) so absolutely not.

If that wasn't the case I probably wouldn't be so fussed.

pictish · 25/08/2014 16:23

I think you're confusing imaginative play with violent play, Scottishmummy and Pictish.

Erm...no I'm not.

scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 16:27

Interesting tanith,both posters you've addressed have rebuked your post
Did you read my posts?any of them?ive habitually repeated free play,doesn't replicate violence
Thats adults projecting their interpretation onto children

StillWishihadabs · 25/08/2014 16:42

My son is 10. Having seen the reality of gun crime, I have educated him that pretending to kill someone is not a game. Some of the 18 rated video games him friends play are horribly graphic. Does anyone really think this doesn't make those that play them less desensitized to violence ?

scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 16:47

It doesnt necessarily desensitise one to violence.theres no robust conclusive evidence
Certainly,some players in real life will be involved in criminality,violence.not caused by CoD etc
They wouldve had that predilection without computer game use.so no its not causal

Tanith · 25/08/2014 17:09

You've both disagreed with my interpretation of your comments. I'm fine with that - you know better than me what you're saying.
You seemed to me to be confusing pretending to be a character such as a pirate or a surgeon with the violent play of pretending to kill someone so my apologies if that wasn't the case.

I agree that pretend play in itself doesn't necessarily make a child violent. I just don't agree that you need a toy gun in order to pretend. If nothing else, it's such a limiting, unimaginative toy.

scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 17:12

Im now wholly convinced you've not read any of my posts correctly given the response

Hakluyt · 25/08/2014 17:18

"Those of us whose children are older are just suggesting you pick your battles"
My children are older. I did not allow guns or killing games in my house. I felt it was important.

Migsy1 · 25/08/2014 17:47

But our boys need to play fight. They might have to kill for real one day if we end up at war with someone.