To ask you to be brutally honest regarding starting again at 49......

[Startingagain49]

I have been with my partner for 9 years. for the past two years we have been living as companions, and whilst we get on well as "friends", I often feel lonely, and do lots of things with friends on my own, and barely anything with my "partner".

Recently, we have decided that this is not feasible to carry on like this, and I have been looking for somewhere else to live. This was his house I moved into, he has the lions share of equity although I am on the mortgage as a joint mortgage. I own my own house, which is currently rented out. This is in an area a long way from my work so not feasible to move into.

I have found somewhere to live (renting), and am planning to move in a month. I love where I am moving, and can see myself living there (my daughter who is 16 will also be living with me). I am really really nervous that I am doing the wrong thing, that I am too old to be starting on my own at 49 and that I am just going to get old on my own, and if I am ill or anything nobody would know. I know this sounds pathetic, but I am getting really worked up about it - I have suffered from anxiety in the past, and can feel this rising inside me.

I am so so worried I am making the worse mistake of my life, and that I should just carry on in this loveless relationship, just for security. We have made efforts to rekindle intimacy, but it just didn't happen, we have grown so far apart.

Has anyone had experience of starting again at this age? Bad or good ones, please share with me as I am getting myself in a right state worrying about things that haven't even happened yet.

Thanks for all your messages, and I really am not offended by posts like Shakes as I did ask for everyone's opinions.

I did live on my own for 8 years prior to moving in with my partner, he is not my daighter's father and she is quite ambivalent about keeping in touch as they get on ok but have never been close. As my partner has got older he is getting more and more "fussy" and sort of set in his ways, I am younger in outlook than him - I work with teens so maybe because of that. The focus of me wanting to leave is not getting another man - it is about being able to take away the stress of living with somebody who doesn't really love me, and vice versa.

Financially there will be no problems, although would be a significant downsize for me, which is worrying logistically.

The actual move and making the break is probably what worries the most.

Well I think that post is quite unequivocal. You know what you need to do, it's just getting on and doing it.

Im 51 and just met the man of my dreams.... go figure!

Ok, so things are moving on - we have agreed a settlement, and I am about to make arrangements for a moving date.

Would this upset you - he has advertised my daughters room on a lodgers website - we haven't even moved out yet!!!!! He will easily be able to afford the settlement and mortgage, he is notoriously tight fisted, but I have found this extraordinarily upsetting - like she means nothing and he didn't have the decency until we had moved, or even given a date to move. AIBU to be quite upset by this?