To be shocked to receive an unsolicited birthday list?

[Bustermqc]

A relative (not nuclear) has just sent me a present list for her teenage daughters upcoming birthday. As an aside (though not the point) everything on it is very expensive.

Now if I had been in touch and asked what the daughter wanted of course I would be happy to receive a list but quite honestly it is a relative who I am not close enough to to send a present. If I was going to a party or seeing her around her birthday I would definitely get her something but probably standardly wouldn't if I wasn't.

AIBU to think its absolutely outrageous to send a list when no one asked?

How fucking rude!?

I had one from my very best friend...on FB with a link to her Amazon wishlist for her DS! I was shocked too!

It's avaricious. If people want to give a gift, all well and good but to request things is rude and grasping.

Some people really live in their own world. I would ignore the list, not even acknowledge it with the mother, pitch up with a present you decide and totally act confused if she ever brings it up.

YANBU

This sort of thing seems to be getting worse these days

Soon enough, we'll just receive bills from our credit card companies telling us what we've bought

Very rude and kind of weird.

Would love to see the list though .

Was the list with an invite to a party? ( even then - it is rude!)
I don't understand why she would suddenly send you a list if you had never bought a present for previous birthdays or had not been invited to a celebration?
Just ignore it.

It is so bizarre to me. There were links to the products and everything. So it wasnt even something like 'she'd love a blue jumper'.

I do often wonder if I mind more than others about this sort of thing though. DH's family are all about the lists. When they ask me what I want I feel embarrassed. How can you tell someone you want something when you have no idea how much they want to spend on you? Imagine if I said 'a new iPad please'.

I have amazon lists for my 3, it's mainly so I can add things as they say they want them, keep an eye on price etcetera but family members will ask for ideas so I send them a link to the list (making it clear it's just ideas and they don't have to buy anything off the list). It is handy as for example ds2 wanted octonauts last year and dd wanted lego friends, if I had just said that then everyone would probably gotten the same sets! Whereas with the list if they buy it it drops off the list or if they buy it elsewhere I can just take it off the list. I do make sure that at all times there is a variety of stuff from a pound to more expensive stuff that some family members club together to buy.
Also I wouldn't send the list to someone who hasn't requested it

Shall I send a card with a ten pence piece taped inside?

My goodness how rude and presumptuous. Ignore it and send a card. That would really get my back up.

I'm intrigued how you received the list?

My family do lists but I only send to people who ask. I'm always embarrassed when friends ask and try to be vague when giving ideas so they can find something in their price range. I find lists handy as we have 3dds so lots of duplicates. I would never send to extended family unless they asked. Very rude imo.

Via email

Do feel a bit sorry for the DD as she won't be getting anything much from her mum so imagine this is how the mum makes up for it. Relative is a known sponger though and no actual concept of money.

Send her a very wonky knitted cardy.

I keep lists for DH, DD and I or i forget what we've thought of thatcher might like that would make a reasonable not greedy present. I'd never send it unsolicited though. They're more points of reference for me for when people ask me what we all want.

I am desperate to call her out on her brass neckery but I just can't. She wouldn't get the hint if I said something subtle.

I wonder whether she blanket posted the sane email to lots of people so didn't even register that it was inappropriate for some recipients.

I think I would ignore as though I never received it and send a card as usual.

That's very odd isn't it - I would probably just send a card unless I was likely to see her on or near her birthday (or if I was invited to a party.)

My DP's family are list obsessed too (though only among their immediate family and they're all in on it) - however their lists contain lower price items like books and I can see the practicality of it.

Like m0therofdragons said, I get embarrassed when people ask me as you have no idea what the spending parameters are...

Give me a Body Shop gift box and I'm happy.

The greed of some people! They obviously feel that they are entitled to a present, and also that the present should be one pre-chosen by them. You know, to avoid the unpleasantness of being bought a crap or inexpensive gift by someone.

I'm a firm believer that presents are for the buyer to decide to buy, if they have the inclination and the money. On that basis, I would totally ignore it and buy nothing.

I hate unsolicited lists. I have an (otherwise very lovely) friend who still hands out unsolicited lists in her mid-thirties, despite the fact that no one else she knows does this. I never ask her for a list and very rarely ask her for suggestions, but most years about a month or so before her birthday we'll have a conversation that goes "shall we try and meet up around my birthday? And while I think of it, I thought maybe you could get me a new purse..."

(I actually really want to stop exchanging birthday presents with her as I'm not fussed by my birthday, but have no idea how to stop it!)

I'd complete ignore the list and just send your friend's daughter a card...

Fuck me that's rude!

Ignore....because something that nasty just can't be happening so no need to respond.

That's outrageous. You should send one back for your birthday requesting diamonds and a pony.

Apparently my Sister's DP's family do this. DSIS gets really annoyed because they never buy her anything.