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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked to receive an unsolicited birthday list?

54 replies

Bustermqc · 21/08/2014 15:37

A relative (not nuclear) has just sent me a present list for her teenage daughters upcoming birthday. As an aside (though not the point) everything on it is very expensive.

Now if I had been in touch and asked what the daughter wanted of course I would be happy to receive a list but quite honestly it is a relative who I am not close enough to to send a present. If I was going to a party or seeing her around her birthday I would definitely get her something but probably standardly wouldn't if I wasn't.

AIBU to think its absolutely outrageous to send a list when no one asked?

OP posts:
RedRoom · 21/08/2014 16:19

Just out of interest, what kind of things do they think are reasonable to ask for? Obviously appreciate if you can't say because you'll be identifiable!

KrisBH · 21/08/2014 16:44

I would find this bizarre behaviour except my Dh's family do it all the time. Have since got used to receiving lists from everyone in family several weeks before birthday/Christmas and being badgered to do 'my list'. My family would never do this, so I used to find it odd, but now I just go along with it. If I decide someone has been too cheeky with their list e.g. too expensive, too specific, asking for money etc, I just put on my butter wouldn't melt face and get them whatever I feel like getting them! They prob think I'm the cheeky one as they tend to stay 'on list' at all times, but nobody has ever challenged me on it yet!
If you weren't going to get her something before this list then don't. Doubt they would have brass neck to ask you about it, and if they do, YANBU so easy to stand your ground.

BackforGood · 21/08/2014 17:06

I would have just assumed that it had been sent to me in error - that the 'nuclear family' (if you like) wanted a list, and she didn't click that you were on the list of family e-mail contacts or whatever. It really isn't something I could get worked up about. Just ignore it if you don't normally get them presents.

However, more and more I seem to be living in a parallel universe from so many MNers.

RevoltingPeasant · 21/08/2014 17:38

Wow, that's rude!

In my family we do lists, just because it makes no sense for people to buy stuff you are only going to regift the next week anyhow--or, more likely, as we are very nice people Grin that will just sit gathering dust.

But there are clear rules: you only send the list to people who ask, you don't put anything expensive on, and you cater for different budgets. My sister works in a supermarket, e.g. so for my birthday I asked for a cheap top.

Or, if you need sth more expensive, you ask for some cash towards it.

OP I'd ignore the email if you don't normally get presents for her and then just send a really lovely card. If she has the brass neck to mention it later, just look surprised and say 'but I never get X presents'.

frostyfingers · 21/08/2014 17:43

I provide a list if I'm asked, especially at Christmas but it's amazingly cheeky (and that's being polite) to send one on spec. It would make me not send anything, not even a card!

lorriehearts · 21/08/2014 17:47

Someone I spent six weeks in the same Uni class as did this. She sent me and two others a link to her wedding registry via a Facebook message (we're not friends on there, either), along with a cursory "OHAI GUYS HOPE YOU'RE ALL OK!" message six years after we last spoke. When none of us responded, she sent it again.

Never underestimate the lengths people will go to for free stuff!

lorriehearts · 21/08/2014 17:49

Obviously goes without saying OP that you're DNBU!

Original poster
Bustermqc · 21/08/2014 18:39

I really want to email back with something that shows I think it's a bit off. 'are there any other options? I was looking for something more around the hundred pound mark.'

OP posts:
Fudgeface123 · 21/08/2014 18:47

£100 for someone you don't even see??? Fuck that!

BakerStreetSaxRift · 21/08/2014 18:51

Jeez, what's on that list???

FengMa · 21/08/2014 18:58

YANBU

I do the same as BrieandChilli. I just direct GPs, aunt, uncles and Godparents there if they ask for ideas. Saves them wandering, bewildered, around a Toys R Us. Would NEVER send it unsolicited though!

FengMa · 21/08/2014 18:58

YANBU

I do the same as BrieandChilli. I just direct GPs, aunt, uncles and Godparents there if they ask for ideas. Saves them wandering, bewildered, around a Toys R Us. Would NEVER send it unsolicited though!

FengMa · 21/08/2014 18:58

YANBU

I do the same as BrieandChilli. I just direct GPs, aunt, uncles and Godparents there if they ask for ideas. Saves them wandering, bewildered, around a Toys R Us. Would NEVER send it unsolicited though!

FengMa · 21/08/2014 18:59

YANBU

I do the same as BrieandChilli. I just direct GPs, aunt, uncles and Godparents there if they ask for ideas. Saves them wandering, bewildered, around a Toys R Us. Would NEVER send it unsolicited though!

FengMa · 21/08/2014 18:59

YANBU

I do the same as BrieandChilli. I just direct GPs, aunt, uncles and Godparents there if they ask for ideas. Saves them wandering, bewildered, around a Toys R Us. Would NEVER send it unsolicited though!

RevoltingPeasant · 21/08/2014 19:04

Feng, sorry, run that by me again?

Wink
Original poster
Bustermqc · 21/08/2014 19:05

No that was just a joke nothing for
A hundred! But the list is populated with things around the 50 quid mark. I wish i could share but she might be on here... Posting about not yet receiving a grateful acknowledgement of her DD's present list?

OP posts:
LoveVintage · 21/08/2014 19:08

What is it you do Feng? Grin

bloodyteenagers · 21/08/2014 19:15

I would contact her and say, I think your dd has hacked your email address, because she is sending everyone, regardless of their relationship a birthday gift list. Some people might be very insulted by this and think it's extremely grabby.

Original poster
Bustermqc · 21/08/2014 19:31

Oh my god I love that

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 21/08/2014 21:25

This sort of thing bothers me too. DH's family do lists though, most of them seem to hate surprises, but I still choose my own Christmas presents for the nieces and nephews, partly because I can't afford the sort of things they have on their lists. We essentially buy our own presents from FIL, otherwise we will get some random tat he found in the house. BTW I am not exaggerating. 10 years ago all the daughters in law received bizarre gifts, which had belonged to recently deceased mother in law. I got a gem, a cassette tape entitled 'What husbands wish their wives knew about men' Hmm One SIL received a pot of face cream which was half used. After that Christmas, we were only too happy to get out own gifts! Grin

I do think it's rude and presumptuous to send a list unsolicited.

TheBogQueen · 21/08/2014 21:29

Was there a poem? There must have been a poem

Original poster
Bustermqc · 21/08/2014 21:59

I wish there had been a poem. I think that wishing well poem is the best thing I've read on mumsnet/anywhere on the Internet ever.

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 21/08/2014 22:03

What did the email say? Was it literally just a link?

Bluestocking · 21/08/2014 22:03

Can you still get postal orders? You should get her a postal order, and put it in a slightly creased card with a picture of a border collie on it.

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