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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit pee'ed off SIL chosen same middle name for her son as me.

83 replies

Steelojames · 21/08/2014 12:43

Out of all the names in the world, sister in law has chosen the same middle name for her son that I have.
I know I do not own the name, but come on???
Brother claims he didn't know but he did. Haven't made a scene and only told my mother I was slightly annoyed.
Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:

weelittlething · 21/08/2014 13:06

You would BU to complain about it, but not at all U to think it. :)

We were keeping our baby's name secret till the birth. Lo and behold a good friend chooses the exact same name for a middle name just a month earlier. Totally not her fault but I was p'ed off (not at her, just generally).

Changed our minds about the name purely because of it.

SarahAndFuck · 21/08/2014 13:10

YABU.

Your brother was equally responsible for choosing the name, so not fair to blame SIL alone.

I doubt my brother would remember my DS's middle name and I'm not sure if my nephew has one or not. Families forget, and it doesn't mean they aren't close or don't care, but they do forget.

And it's not like they share a first name, so there won't be two in the family in that way. Does it really matter if they share a middle name?

Edieandkoala · 21/08/2014 13:20

I don't even know my nefews middle names and I'm not sure sil knows my dd and ds middle names!

Edieandkoala · 21/08/2014 13:20

nephew obviously

thewalrus · 21/08/2014 13:21

My son shares a middle name with one of his cousins. It is also the first name of another cousin (diff side of family) and the name of both grandfathers. DH and I had planned to use it for any son we had from the first 'what if we had kids one day' conversations some years before we had them. Wouldn't have occurred to us not to use it because one of our sisters had (though I wouldn't have given the same first name as a cousin). As far as I know, no one minds (though this has got me wondering....)

limitedperiodonly · 21/08/2014 13:25

Is it Rose? That's a very popular middle name and I'd be furious if my SIL used it for her little boy after I'd been so ground-breaking and used it for mine.

WhereforeArtThou · 21/08/2014 13:29

Fair enough if you have decided to let it go.

Y were definitely BU.

If it makes you feel better my BIL choose my DS's middle name for his dog. We didn't care about it though. Not a jot. No one really cares about middle names

MelanieCheeks · 21/08/2014 13:32

I must admit, I raised an eyebrow when I learned that my DH and his sister had BOTH called their sons the same FIRST name. So the boys get calld Fred Bloggs or Fred Jones, full names each time to distinguish.

As I have a brother in law and a cousin who are also called Fred, you'd think this would get confusing, but actually it's usually pretty clear which Fred we mean.

Middle names Can't really see the problem.

Castlemilk · 21/08/2014 13:36

If you blame your brother, why is your SIL the bogeyman in your thread title?!

Castlemilk · 21/08/2014 13:36

...and start calling him Ben JamesTheSecond Smith, or whatever it is.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey · 21/08/2014 13:39

It won't even be used. YABU

Kewcumber · 21/08/2014 13:41

I would struggle to recall what any of the middle name/names of any one of my neices and nephews is. In 25 years (for some of them) I've yet to hear it mentioned after the christening.

I feel you are being a teensy bit unreasonable unless you're an American family who persist in calling their children by both first and middle names out loud on a regular basis.

In which case you are still being a teensy bit unreasonable.

Kewcumber · 21/08/2014 13:44

Think best to let it go and not question it.

Good decision - how on earth would that conversation go...

"Why did you give DS the middle name Alphonse when thats our DS's middle name?"

"Because we liked it and didn't think it mattered with a middle name no-one will pay much attention to"

"Oh"

chrome100 · 21/08/2014 15:16

YABU.

Even if it was a first name - who cares?

Names are not unique.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/08/2014 15:18

It's the middle name so presumably won't be used.

Annoying for you perhaps but let it go.

Is it an unusual one?

Tikimon · 21/08/2014 15:19

If they grow up close it'll probably be a bonding point that they have the same middle name.

AmberLav · 21/08/2014 15:34

My cousin just named his son the same first name as my 3 year old DS. My DS is named after his godfather, my nephew in named after his grandfather.

It irritates me a little, as we are actually quite close, but I suppose it's my fault for using his dead dad's name, even if it was not my first thought, as I always knew my uncle by a shortened form of the name!

appealtakingovermylife · 21/08/2014 15:50

My dm has 2 sisters who both called their son's by the same first name!
There are about 15 years between them and its still confusing to people.
Middle names are very rarely used, I don't like mine so never use it.

Stokes · 21/08/2014 15:56

My cousin and I have the same middle name, as do our sisters (two different middle names between 4 of us - neither of them very creative!). We were very closed until she passed away, and we loved sharing a middle name. If I ever have a daughter, she'll have that middle name too. It's really not a big deal, especiall if the first names are very different.

Skivvywoman · 21/08/2014 16:02

It's only a middle name they won't be known by it, would be a different matter if it was a first name

sillystring · 21/08/2014 16:03

Never understood why people get so precious about this sort of stuff, and a MIDDLE name, no one will even hear or use it. I have 3 cousins called Dorothy, nobody cared, their Mums just wanted to call them that.

callamia · 21/08/2014 16:06

I think it's quite nice that they have the same middle name. I know a family where four cousins have the same middle name - after a great-grandmother, and I think it's really lovely - it kind of cements their familiarity.

crazykat · 21/08/2014 16:25

YABU. If it was the same first name it would be different.

My dd has the same middle name as my niece. The name is important to me as its a family name which links me to my maternal and paternal grandmothers. By coincidence it is also a family name for BIL. If it bugged BIL or SIL they never showed it, in fact they thought it was nice that they share a middle name.

Tbh though even if SIL was peeved that I'd given my dd the same middle name as dniece I wouldn't have let it stop me using it as its very important to me, more so since my beloved nan passed away.

juneybean · 21/08/2014 16:26

My cousin and I have the same middle name it's not an issue!

kentishgirl · 21/08/2014 16:30

I don't have the foggiest idea of any of my nieces and nephews middle names - and I'm godmother to two of them.

I think you are over-reacting a bit.

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