My neighbour is upsetting me unnecessarily. Any advice on how to change her mind would be much appreciated.

[NorwegianBirdhouse]

My neighbour has a smoke alarm in her garage which is chirping every 30 sec and has been for a few weeks. I have rarely seen her (been here 2 yrs) but she seemed nice. I mentioned the chirping recently and she just started shouting, telling me to mind my own business, how could I hear it? etc and to report it to the Dept of Environment. I apologised but explained it was very annoying and could she please change the battery or I could get DH to do it but she drove off.

I asked the D of Env about it (not to report it as I don’t want to antagonize her but to see if it was a nuisance noise) but they said it may be hard to prove as a nuisance if it’s not loud.

This has really started to upset me. I am a SAHM and can hear it from the garden and have been avoiding going out with DS. It occupies my thoughts and I have been losing sleep. I get nervous now when I see her or her car at the house. Yes, I’m scared of her and can think of nothing worse than being scared of seeing her long term. I couldn’t cope with a long dispute.

So do I; a) Write her a letter and if so, what do I say? Do I put myself at her mercy telling her how much it’s upsetting me? I don’t want to give her power in case she gets satisfaction from it. Do I mention some of the health problems we have had and how this is not helping. (I hate this idea in case it tempts fate but she may only read one letter).

Or b) Ask the D of Env to write to her and risk making her angry at me.

I haven’t told my DH because I don’t want him to pick up on the noise and get irritated by it but also because I have found fault with our homes before and realised this is unfair on him and I can be over sensitive to things. Instead I am withdrawing from him being a little snappy.

Please tell me the best way to resolve issues with a big scary neighbour. I don’t want her to think she can bully me either.

Sounds like you just caught her on a bad day - it's no excuse but could be the reason.

Send DH round - be lighthearted, smile. It doesn't automatically mean you're unhappy with the house. Just the bleeping thing next door.

You don't want the Department of the Environment, if anything it should be your local council's environmental health officer. They might just be prepared to have a word, but I wouldn't guarantee it.

I think your first action should be to see your GP and look into better ways of managing your own stress. From your neighbour's point of view, you are someone who is constantly nagging and bleating about minor noises, which may well be making her feel stressed and anxious - what will you complain about next? Can she go about her own normal daily business - which may sometimes include listening to music - without you on her doorstep yet again? The fact that you clearly have a track record of this kind of behaviour suggests that the problem is you and not your neighbour (or previous neighbours) and you are going to have to fix yourself rather than expecting other people to organise their whole domestic lives around you.

SGB - OP hasn't said she has complained to this neighbour before, only others I think. Bit harsh.

The OP did say upthread that she had complained previously about the neighbour playing music. And that there have been repeated housemoves because of 'problems' with neighbours.

Actually, OP, I'm going to say this with the best of intentions - your DH apparently can't hear this noise either - have you ever been checked out for something like tinnitus? If that's the problem, there are ways of dealing with it, and if it is tinnitus, it's better that you know rather than getting yourself a repultation as a difficult neighbour.

(TInnitus is ringing or other odd noises in the ears. It's not a sign that you are 'mad' - but it does mean the noise is not something that neighbours or family members can do anything about, and once you know this, you can stop making unreasonable accusations that they are deliberately upsetting you.)

SGB the music was another neighbour as I read it, so I can't see that OP has been "bleating" at current neighbour. Good point about tinnitus.

I understood it that this was the first time the OP has spoken to her neighbour, to request a very minor thing too. OP, did you say there is a 18 year old living with her - I still think maybe approaching them would be best, don't mention the previous incident, just ask your DH to tell them it is beeping and ask them to replace the battery. They might just go ahead and do it without even consulting their mother.

I think for this NDN to speak, or shout, the way she did was extremely rude - on a first meeting with a new neighbour most people try to be accommodating. I wouldn't panic over that as it doesn't mean there will be any further problems, you might not need to speak to her again for years . I would think she was being unreasonable though unless she was very distressed about some unrelated crisis. Shouting about the dept of the environment?