My neighbour is upsetting me unnecessarily. Any advice on how to change her mind would be much appreciated.

[NorwegianBirdhouse]

My neighbour has a smoke alarm in her garage which is chirping every 30 sec and has been for a few weeks. I have rarely seen her (been here 2 yrs) but she seemed nice. I mentioned the chirping recently and she just started shouting, telling me to mind my own business, how could I hear it? etc and to report it to the Dept of Environment. I apologised but explained it was very annoying and could she please change the battery or I could get DH to do it but she drove off.

I asked the D of Env about it (not to report it as I don’t want to antagonize her but to see if it was a nuisance noise) but they said it may be hard to prove as a nuisance if it’s not loud.

This has really started to upset me. I am a SAHM and can hear it from the garden and have been avoiding going out with DS. It occupies my thoughts and I have been losing sleep. I get nervous now when I see her or her car at the house. Yes, I’m scared of her and can think of nothing worse than being scared of seeing her long term. I couldn’t cope with a long dispute.

So do I; a) Write her a letter and if so, what do I say? Do I put myself at her mercy telling her how much it’s upsetting me? I don’t want to give her power in case she gets satisfaction from it. Do I mention some of the health problems we have had and how this is not helping. (I hate this idea in case it tempts fate but she may only read one letter).

Or b) Ask the D of Env to write to her and risk making her angry at me.

I haven’t told my DH because I don’t want him to pick up on the noise and get irritated by it but also because I have found fault with our homes before and realised this is unfair on him and I can be over sensitive to things. Instead I am withdrawing from him being a little snappy.

Please tell me the best way to resolve issues with a big scary neighbour. I don’t want her to think she can bully me either.

[SorryForTheTypos]

LadySybilLikesCake
I'd get pissed off too if all I could hear was a constant beeping

At the risk of being pedantic, OP says "chirping" which Im imagining to be like the "birrrup" noise my smoke alarm makes If what I'm imaginging is right, then I think the neighbour might be correct in wondering how a fairly unobtrusive noise from what I presume is a locked garage is such a problem. Different matter if it is a high pitched screech of course.

I do probably speak from a slightly biased persepctive though. On moving in, our NDN told us she had "issues with noise" but that she recognised they were her issues and she'd had her whole house sound proofed. We had our archaic boiler replaced with a brand new super eco friendly one and Oh My God did she complain about it How noisy it was, the noise kept her awake, she wouldn't want us to be cold because of her but did we realise how loud it was and on and on and on. IT'S NOT LOUD!!!!! IT MAKES THE BOILER NOISE THAT BOILERS MAKE AND MAYBE OUR ANCIENT ONE DIDN'T MAKE NOISE BECAUSE IT DIDN'T BLINKING WORK!!!!! We also got to the point where we had to say to her "if you think the noise is a problem you'll need to beek to the relevant authority". Funnily enough she stopoped mentioning it when she replaced her ancient boiler too...

[Legionofboom]

Your thread title says 'My neighbour is upsetting me unnecessarily'.

I think it might help to reframe this issue. Your neighbour is not upsetting you unnecessarily.

Your neighbour doesn't believe that it is a problem and so isn't doing anything about it. Yes it can be stopped but she cannot see any reason to stop it. Her behaviour is not aimed at you.

Also try to focus on something other than the noise. Can you go into the garden for a short time and try to do something else like play with your DS or hang out the washing. The noise will get louder and louder if you 'go out to meet it'. Instead just let it be there. Just for a short while.

Are you sure it's a smoke alarm and not some other type of alarm that the neighbour can't change so easily, hence her dismissal of you? When our smoke alarm is low on batteries it doesn't bleep every 30 seconds.

[LadySybilLikesCake]

My smoke alarm goes off ALL the time It does beep but I don't let it beep for more than 10 minutes as the neighbours will be able to hear it. Battery out, half an hour in the recharger and it's sorted. It isn't hard.

[whois]

You might be finding it a bigger problem than is 'normal' but her reaction was horrible and it wouldn't kill her to change the battery and shut the alarm up!

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Mine beeps, SorryForTheTypos. I don't think the type of noise is the problem, more the fact that the neighbour is very inconsiderate and was rude to the OP.

Happy to burn something and stick the sound on here so you know what a beeping smoke alarm sounds like

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

Have you seen inside her garage?
Could he be crammed full of stuff, and she has no way of getting to it and somebody pointing the noise out meant she would have to deal with her hoard pushed her over the edge?
Not an excuse for her behaviour just unfortunate timing on your part.
I would either let dh deal with her, or say next time I saw her it was driving me mad and she needed to stop it beeping or I would help her.

[SorryForTheTypos]

LadySybilLikesCake

Happy to burn something and stick the sound on here so you know what a beeping smoke alarm sounds like

I test mine every time I cook cremate mushrooms. Every. Single. Time.

Yeah I get what you're saying about the issue being the way the neighbour reacted, but I know when we felt harrangued by our neighbour we did get a bit short with her.

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Mine goes off with bacon, sausages, pasta (seriously), anything really

I have to work now, sorry.

Hope you're OK, OP. Try some ear plugs

[SavoyCabbage]

I get quite stressed, for want of a better word, by electronic noises like this.

I couldn't put in my PIN number today as the till next to the one I was at was sounding an alarm. And I hate it when I'm in a shop with mums and you can hear other music from the mall. I never listen to music myself.

I'm fine with other noises. Like children or traffic. I live almost on a train line and I quite like that noise.

[LIZS]

I doubt it would fall within D of E's remit and if you get them involved it will become an official dispute which you'd have to mention when moving. Get your dh to go round, battery in hand and offer to check it. You do however sound a bit oversensitive to let this bother you that much.

[NorwegianBirdhouse]

She lives with her kids, oldest 18. Sweets I have fantasies of breaking in but it is too secure. Zen, my DH is such a gentle sort and loves the house. That’s why I don’t want to let him know I may be about to stir it all up. MrsCosmopilite, yes I should not be scared of her. Think it is a symptom of being at home and anxiety.

Thank you LadySybil, I would not consider sleeping without earplugs. Have done for years. I can only hear it in the garden. It is the worry that keeps me awake.

Legion good points.

[LadySybilLikesCake]

It'll be the pitch, Savoy. Ears are all different and some can pick up high pitches which can be really distressing. A lot of people who are deaf or hard of hearing can actually hear some sounds, it depends on the pitch (I used to note take for a deaf student, she told me all about it. She could hear certain high pitched noises but not low ones).

[WooWooOwl]

The neighbours reaction might not have been all that bad.

If OP is reacting so sensitively to the sound of a chirping alarm in someone else's garage that she can only hear when she's in her garden, it could well en that she is over reacting to the neighbours response, especially as she's using words like bully, big scary neighbour, and seems to think that the neighbour is upsetting her unnecessarily and could be getting satisfaction from it.

[3littlefrogs]

Actually - a chirping smoke alarm is a really irritating noise if you have to listen to it all day and night.
A reasonable person would just change the battery.

[MillieH30]

As your neighbor was not prepared to have a reasonable discussion and actually suggested that you contact the Environment Department, I would have no qualms about asking them to take action.

However, if you want to keep trying to resolve this amicably, a letter may be worth a try. Might make her see how unreasonable she's being.

Hope you get it resolved

PS One polite letter couldn't be construed as harassment!

[MaryWestmacott]

well, summer is nearly over so you'll not be using the garden that much and if it's beeping, then it's a sign the battery is running out and it needs changing. This happens until the battery completely runs out, at which point it stops making any noise and stops working in the case of a fire.

So, tell yourself, it's a 2 week more max issue.

Or you could ask your DH to pop round with some batteries, smiling sweetly, say would she mind terribly if he changed the battery for her as it's a little annoying.

I'm also rather sensitive to noises and smells, stuff that doesn't bother other people, so I can understand why it grates. Just tell yourself this isn't a forever issue, a couple of weeks max, either you won't be using the garden much or the battery will completely die and go quiet.

[AnathemaIsANiceNameForAGirl]

I had this from the unoccupied house next door and it was incredibly irritating. I could hear it in bed though and it kept me awake. I put a note through the door but it was still a good week before the landlord stopped by and fixed it.

I am v sensitive to noise too so can see why this is getting to you, and think neighbour is BU, strange that she was so off with you about it

[Beastofburden]

Maybe she was just having a bad day. Se may not be all that scary, that may be your health issues talking.

Send DH round with some new batteries and a cake and get him to explain, nicely, that you have been ill and please could he replace her batteries for her.

[IsItMeOr]

Sorry this is so draining for you.

It is strange that the neighbour was like that with you. It does make it seem like there is more to it from her side. I am picturing one of those hoarding scenarios, so she is terrified of letting anybody near her home. But she could just be mean.

But you will be aware that you can only control your actions, not those of others.

Have you tried using the techniques you learned in your CBT on this specific issue (sorry, don't know much about CBT, but know there is something you do - is it a thought log?!?)?

You do have my sympathies - I struggle with anxiety too. The good thing is that you have successfully tackled them in the past, so you know that you have the skills to do it - time to use them.

[Legionofboom]

I know how awful this sort of thing can be. I am very sensitive to smells as I have issues with my nasal linings. If I am stuck near someone who is wearing a lot of perfume it can cause me to be in agony and sometimes panic about being able to breathe.

In the past, when I have been overcome by the pain there have been times when my DH has had to gently remind me that the person who caused my discomfort had no idea that they were doing so. That doesn't mean they would have done anything about it, but it did make me feel less cross about it.

[bikermouse1]

It's quite apparent from some of the replies already that some posters aren't Archers addicts???recently Ken'un 'solved' the problem of the beeping noise in a house by.....changing the battery of the smoke alarm

All your everyday household dilemma probs. solved by the everyday story of country folk on r.4 at 7.02 pm, mon- fri

I fully take on board that some noises, particularly repetitive ones, drill right into the psyche of some peeps while others don't even 'hear' them. An extreme example is that of the o/h of a friend who could no longer take a particular noise made by the neighbour(semi detached house) which resulted in him taking a house brick to the party bedroom wall at 7.00am on a Sunday morning, fetching his B& D drill and....my friend, her o/h, sleeping beside him, completely unaffected by the neighbour.

But my suggestion to a problem which won't be solved til that bloody battery is replaced, given that yr neighbour already hasn't been ameniable ... This worth a try, p'raps last ditch attempt, but bad feelings between neighbours not something any of us need....

Right! Fact= the beeping is a warning that the battery life is low.

Any possible chance that you can buy AA batteries, go round! grovellingly try to restore some sort of amicable rapport, say that you're SO grateful that she's got her garage alarmed cos obv.this also affects your own safety too and, again (puke, grovel, puke emoticon needed here) to thank her SO much for having it.....

Good luck whatever you do.

[bikermouse1]

PS and change it for her, of course.

Step ladder rather than grovel position might apply

[lucycoco]

OP, you said you haven't seen much of her before this discussion. Can you think what conversations you have had with her?

If you have quite a low tolerance to things, might you have inadvertently come across as a bit precious or nitpicking when you've spoken with her before, making this the last straw for her?

Regardless, suddenly going from zero to shouting doesn't sound a nice or decent way for her to have responded. But it might affect how you go about dealing with her in future, for your own future peace of mind!

[shotyourfox]

I had a smoke alarm that plugs into the mains. It got old and started going off every ten minutes or so. Took it down and for the next week it constantly chirped as the battery went flat. It drove me mad!! I would be mortified if I thought I was upsetting my neighbour and would sort it out.

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

My neighbour's smoke alarm has been doing this for 3 months - it's beyond irritating. You have my sympathy OP and you've also spurred me on to tackle it. I'm not scared of her next door, just wary, but it's been enough to stop me going round.

I shall report back

and I hope you can get it sorted