My neighbour is upsetting me unnecessarily. Any advice on how to change her mind would be much appreciated.

[NorwegianBirdhouse]

My neighbour has a smoke alarm in her garage which is chirping every 30 sec and has been for a few weeks. I have rarely seen her (been here 2 yrs) but she seemed nice. I mentioned the chirping recently and she just started shouting, telling me to mind my own business, how could I hear it? etc and to report it to the Dept of Environment. I apologised but explained it was very annoying and could she please change the battery or I could get DH to do it but she drove off.

I asked the D of Env about it (not to report it as I don’t want to antagonize her but to see if it was a nuisance noise) but they said it may be hard to prove as a nuisance if it’s not loud.

This has really started to upset me. I am a SAHM and can hear it from the garden and have been avoiding going out with DS. It occupies my thoughts and I have been losing sleep. I get nervous now when I see her or her car at the house. Yes, I’m scared of her and can think of nothing worse than being scared of seeing her long term. I couldn’t cope with a long dispute.

So do I; a) Write her a letter and if so, what do I say? Do I put myself at her mercy telling her how much it’s upsetting me? I don’t want to give her power in case she gets satisfaction from it. Do I mention some of the health problems we have had and how this is not helping. (I hate this idea in case it tempts fate but she may only read one letter).

Or b) Ask the D of Env to write to her and risk making her angry at me.

I haven’t told my DH because I don’t want him to pick up on the noise and get irritated by it but also because I have found fault with our homes before and realised this is unfair on him and I can be over sensitive to things. Instead I am withdrawing from him being a little snappy.

Please tell me the best way to resolve issues with a big scary neighbour. I don’t want her to think she can bully me either.

[gamerchick]

What other issues have you had with the houses OP that you're reluctant to mention this to your husband? It might shed light in why she reacted the way she did.

Tbh if this is something that you can only hear in the garden and it's the worry keeping you up at night it sounds as if you struggle to deal with stuff that you have no control over.

I sympathise a repeated noise drives me insane and the chirp of a smoke alarm in the need of batteries is mega irritating. its right up there with a toy that's running out of batteries that you can't find

[steff13]

Can you only hear the noise from the garden, not when you're in the house?

[Sazzle41]

She might react better if your partner went round - with batteries ... its the little things that push you over the edge if you are already down.. are you stressed anyway?

[SorryForTheTypos]

Just to edit my earlier posts...I'm now thinking the "birrrup" noise wasn't from a dying smoke alarm, but was from a dying cordless phone. Not that important I know...

[ThatBloodyWoman]

Yanbu.
2 things:
1)speak to her and try to smooth things over, and
2) could you put on the radio in the background when outdoors till its resolved.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I'd be sending DH round with an armful of batteries and a big smile.
Then he tells NDN that the noise is driving you all crazy and he is there as her hero to fix it all for everyone.

[Whoyouse]

It isn't just a chirping alarm, a smoke alarm that needs its battery changing is highly irritating and loud, it is designed to be, to make you change the battery. I would ask her again to change it. Don't let people make you think you're mad, you're not. It's an extremely annoying noise and she needs to sort it out. Can you ask any of your other neighbours if it's bothering them? I think persistence and not letting her shouting put you off, she's just being aggressive. You're in the right.

[choccyp1g]

Any chance the fire brigade could come and replace the batteries for her?

[TSSDNCOP]

I've got super good hearing and I can tell you the noise from a dying smoke alarm battery would send me doolally.

Having said that, some of your other comments have made me sad that you're not able to enjoy your homes because of fault-finding. Maybe your well-being generally, and consequently self-confidence would improve if you could address that.

Meanwhile, in the absence of the NDN's reason and manners I would send my DH round with batteries. After all she wouldn't want her garage to burn down now would she?

[Medibeagle]

Phone the fire brigade, you can hear a smoke alarm!

[LadySybilLikesCake]

I'm not sure the fire brigade will be impressed if they are called out for a faulty battery nice to see some hunky blokes though

[Daddypigsgusset]

I have one of these in my garage. . It's not a smoke alarm but a rodent repelling thing that plugs in. Maybe it's one of those and getting rid might mean mice returning.
No need for her to be so rude though

[scarletoconnor]

Can't you buy some wind chimes? At least you will hear them in the garden and if the irritate her enough to approach you about them you can tell her you will remove them if she shuts her fire alarm up

On a more serious note you could contact your local fire department for advice I know they fit and check fire alarms for free so they could write to her about a check?

Or if the house is rented could you contact landlord / letting agent about it, if you tell them she was nasty when you asked her about it they could perhaps deal with it, as I'm sure they don't want a tenant ruining their reputation.

[temporaryusername]

OP, I think that your level of anxiety about this is quite high, but I also think that even a fairly minor noise should be rectified. You are asking her to change the batteries (and increase her own safety!), not make a major lifestyle change. The way she reacted to your reasonable request really surprises me, and was inappropriate and very rude.

It sounds like you've had problems with other houses, that maybe ended up causing huge upheavals or moving. You are probably being bothered by your worry, more than the noise, because the noise represents the possibility that this house will go wrong too. Ie. the noise will go on and become intolerable, or your relationship with the neighbour will be untenable. I completely understand and would probably be the same.

Hopefully though, none of that will happen this time. I would get your DH to go round with the batteries and see what happens, or could one of you approach her 18 year old to sort it out?

[temporaryusername]

Sorry to double post but OP, although I said you seem anxious (partly based on what you said about the past) I don't think you're wrong about this at all - it would be very annoying and her reaction was appalling.

[LiverpoolLou]

You have my sympathies OP. Our alarm is mains operated with a back up battery. Because of this, it can only be serviced by an electrician. When the battery need replacing it took a week to get someone out. Just a week of the chirping was all it took to turn me into a complete wreck. Despite me mummifying it with kitchen roll and duct tape it was still giving chinese water torture a run for it's money.

Don't know what you can do about it though.

[gamerchick]

I have first gen units where you can't replace the batteries themselves hooked up to the mains and if they go faulty they drive you nuts. I've been known to take them down and snip the wires much to the disgruntlement of the council who think you should put up with it until they fit you in. Bog standard ones that you clag to the ceiling are good enough.

[NorwegianBirdhouse]

Thank you all for taking the time and your kind sympathy.

MaryWest, Thank you. I am really holding out hope that it dies but I have heard some alarms wired to the electricity like hers, have permanent batteries and the unit needs replaced. Thanks Isitmeor. I guess using the CBT skills helps but it can still be hard to be successful. I should give it a better try. I’m just hung up on the idea I wouldn’t need too if she would co operate.

Legion, that sounds terrible. Bikermouse, that made me smile. It may be that going round is the best option but I would need to get up the nerve so as not to mess it up. LuisSuarez, could you please come and sort her out for me. I am such a coward.

Gamerchick, you hit the nail on the head. Other issues were downstairs apartment playing music a couple of times. I panicked it would be frequent. DH loved it there too and it is definitely not having control over my environment that is my problem. Yes Steff13. Only from the garden. Whoyouse, thanks. Positioning of garage means i am probably only neighbour who can hear it. I am angry too that she thinks she just has to shout at me and I will put up with it, but also worried they could get noisey and annoying in other ways if I agitate them.

That is kind of you TSSDNCOP. The fact that I know I have a problem with fault finding is what is making me question how best to deal with this, ie, am I being unfair.

“You are probably being bothered by your worry, more than the noise, because the noise represents the possibility that this house will go wrong too. Yes temporary. I agree.

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

Pleased to report that I have just been round to my neighbour and changed her smoke alarm battery. She said it had been driving her nuts too but she didn't know how to change it! I also got a cuddle with the baby and the information that her cat is about to have kittens must resist

I'm not sure what I was scared of really - she can look really grumpy sometimes but I'd built it up in my head into a big thing.

Quite different to your situation OP and she has never shouted at me. I do hope you can get your situation sorted soon.

With perfect comedy timing, I had just left her house when another smoke alarm started going off elsewhere

[Vintagejazz]

Your neighbour's reaction sounds extremely odd. Have you had run ins before or has she had rows with other neighbours? It just sounds like such a strange way to react to something so small.

[NorwegianBirdhouse]

Well done LuisSuarez. Isn't that the way it should be. No Vintage. No run ins before but don't know her. Never spoke much before but thought she might be nice, as you do.

[maddening]

Low level repetitive noises can really cause stress - hence the use of a dripping tap etc as torture and I think eh do deal with it - go on a noisy neighbours forum am sure there is advice on it.

So I don't think Yabu over time these things can make anyone anxious - a repetitive noise that you can't escape from in your own home is unreasonable. So whatever communications you have going forward.

[fedupdownhere]

I had this with my next door neighbour she is deaf and didn't know it was doing it :( she refused to answer the door to anyone so we had no way of sorting it in the end we spoke to community police woman who went round to explain how distressing we found it, this was after we had been listening to it for nearly 3 weeks and it was driving me batty

[Flipflops7]

You aren't at fault OP. I am really at a loss as to why your neighbour is being so unreasonable about a minor thing like changing the battery.