She's eaten all of the fecking cheese strings AGAIN!!

[KingJoffreysBloodshotEye]

DS's friend.

I gave them both enough money (£10 each) for them to get a cinema ticket and some snacks (shop on the way - not cinema food) this morning, had (large) sausage rolls and other picnic stuff in the fridge for them for lunch and she's already nagging me for more food despite me telling her that I have feck all here until my Tesco shop comes at 6pm.

Yet, she's still been into the fridge while I've been pottering around and eaten 10+ cheese strings.

I don't know how to handle this.

She'd happily eat everything in the house while my back is turned. I have told DS not to let her eat stuff without checking with me (my pizzas are pretty shit once 'someone' has eaten the entire packet of pepperami) but she still does it.

She takes stuff during the night/early in the morning too. I'll come down and find 8 yoghurts gone, that kind of thing.

I provide so much stuff when DS has guests. Always make sure there's drinks, picnic stuff, crisps, pop corn, fruit. It's not like they starve.

Would it be okay to stick a note in the fridge saying 'FECK OFF MY FOOD'? Or would that be a bit twattish?

I don't know what to do and I'm feeling a bit irritated about it.

My friend's daughter is like this. I actually started a thread about her rummaging through my cupboards.

I think part of it is, her parents both own businesses and when she was little she was just always there (at her mum's bookstore). She just ate as and when, whatever she wanted. So she eats now when bored, etc, and eats mostly snacky food so isn't really full ever.

I finally told her to stop and said I would let her know when it was snack. She didn't like what I'd offered (think it was muffins) but I told her that was that.

I also tell her during the school year that any cheese strings, etc, are for DS's packed lunch so she can't eat them.

This is OUTRAGEOUS. You're going to have to say something a bit more assertive than you have been. Like, "look, lovie, you're very welcome round here as you know, but I do not want you going to my fridge as and when you like, OK?"

Have you told her directly that she is not allowed to help herself to food?

or perhaps give her a few things and say here are your snacks. Do not take anything without asking

You need to tell her.

Is she at your house a lot? Apart from it being very rude it's going to be adding considerable amounts to your food bill - whole packs of things going. Does she dive into your online shopping when it arrives?

Sounds to me like your house is snack heaven and you make sure you provide plenty for your ds's friends. If she doesn't get so much snack variety at home perhaps she's just gorging while she can? Does she go so mad for proper meals? Maybe it's just me but why are you buying so many snacks anyway it seems like a lot?

You either say something to her or accept she's going to eat you out of house and home. Other choice is to stop having her at yours and staying over. Sounds like she practically lives with you!

My DD's friends would eat everything if I let them. Instead I tell DDs what is available for them and what is out of bounds. If they eat what they've been told not to DDs replace it.

Could you do the same? Or limit the time she is there, or stop buying snack type food. If the fridge/cupboard only has raw food and cooking ingredients she may be less inclined to help herself.

Maybe it's just me but why are you buying so many snacks anyway it seems like a lot?

Because it's supposed to last a week!!

She's just asked about breakfast tomorrow. Might have to make this the last visit for a while. Luckily DS is busy over the next few weeks anyway.

Have told her straight that I don't want anyone taking food without asking.

They have a jug of milkshake and a mahoosive melon to share tonight. That will have to do!

Have you spoken to the parents? I would.

I never allow any kids to help themselves to food in my house (I have a 12 yr old and a 10yr old).

Am I a controlling freak? Even DH asks if he is "allowed" to eat the last bit of cheese or a bit of cake.

Poor girl.Yes she is being rude but it sounds like there is something deeper behind it if she's taking so much and hiding it. I bet she's a very unhappy kid TBH. I'm not saying you should accept her behaviour but maybe tread gently ..talking to the parents first?! It could be that you have provided a safe environment for her. She really may not see what is going on here. Absolutely you should do something about it..it is excessive .but I'd be more concerned than angry.

I could eat 10 cheestrings no problem

Have you provided dinner as well as the milkshake and melon?

10 cheesestrings is expensive and excessive but it's not a huge quantity of food if you're hungry. As a pp noted, it would be easy to eat that quantity, physically, though obviously bad mannered. Same as 10 biscuits, or bags of popcorn. Is she going for these things after a large proper dinner like chickpea curry, jacket potatoes, and mixed coloured veg?

Maybe she's just about to have a growth spurt and needs bigger meals than your DS to make her feel full?

Not meaning to question your hosting skills, just trying to make sense of her behaviour...

Have you provided dinner as well as the milkshake and melon?

Yes. Pizza.

Only shop bought ones though because I've been working all weekend and am tired. Had salad with it.

BravePotato - i'm like you - my kids know to ask for a snack and accept with good grace what is offered - even DH asks before eating something. It's not controlling on my part, it's just good manners/courtesy on his part - ok so he'd help himself to a biscuit or a bag of crisps etc, but other stuff he would ask especially if we were running out and if he did not know if I'd got a delivery booked. It's courtesy towards me because I do all the planning of meals/packed lunches/shopping orders etc.

OP - what you are describing is not normal - even for a hungry/growing teen, they should KNOW it is just not OK to help yourself in someone else's house. To help yourself to a whole packet or large amounts of something is even more

So, does you son also go there lots? what are the food rules at her home? is she spending so much time at yours because she is being ignored/neglected/starved, or because in fact her own parents are strict and she sees you as a pushover and somewhere she can eat whatever she wants without her parents knowing? or is it a free for all at hers so she has never known any different?

Yes, DS goes there.

No idea what it's like at hers though. I shall have to quiz him.

Quiz him, not her. I was a plump 12 year old and my mum always had me on a diet so I probably looked like a binge eater to friends parents when I actually had access to food.

I think the way your food has been consumed by this girl is alarming.

8 Yogurts during the night
10 cheese strings
12 packets of popcorn consumed over a day, possibly your lad eating these as well.

If the case, this is shocking over eating, I'd be telling her Mother of my concerns.

That is not healthy the amount of sugar she is eating and it will only make her want more

It is not right a child going behind you back to eat and this is what she seems to be doing

I think you need to talk to her parents if she is eating like this and quite big now it is setting up problems for later in life

I could eat and eat and would feel hungry all the time (luckily never put weight on) would never just take food I would always ask

I would be furious if visitors were helping themselves without permission. DS always asks, unless it's something I've bought in for him particularly. If I'm out, he sends a text.

I have a 13yo and an 11yo and they are both growing like crazy. They do not eat like this. They know they are allowed any leftovers in the fridge if not explicitly earmarked to do something with, they know they can have fruit and crackers when they come home from school. DD1 has a friend who comes over morning and afternoon after school as her mum doesn't want her home alone but is happy for the three of them to be together - feeding the friend after school is part of the deal.

But they don't eat everything in sight, they wouldn't dream of it. If they're desperate, they call me on the mobile and ask.

I'd be willing to bet there's something going on with this girl.

How utterly bizarre.

Pizza is very filling, I find anyway, so if she takes or asks for more food there is definitely something going on.

Yes, quiz DS - what does he eat at hers, what does she eat, and do they need permission?

Locks on the fridge/cupboards.

Spare room is for ds when she sleeps over - her in ds's room, or you in spare, so you can hear her.

No more sleep overs.
Stern voice 'no more food'

Wrt snacks, you need to start keeping it elsewhere (your room). I think others asking you why buy so much is not the point, it is the ops food, she can buy what she likes, the issue here is a child is stealing it.

Have you noticed other stuff missing, or is it only food?

Talk to parents,

Ok I was like that at 12, though only at my parents house, and well on my way to a severe eating disorder. Talk to her parents, it doesn't sound like she has any control, and tbh I think she probably needs help, the sooner the better.

Hide the food in your bedroom