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AIBU?

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Original poster

She's eaten all of the fecking cheese strings AGAIN!!

89 replies

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 18/08/2014 17:58

DS's friend.

I gave them both enough money (£10 each) for them to get a cinema ticket and some snacks (shop on the way - not cinema food) this morning, had (large) sausage rolls and other picnic stuff in the fridge for them for lunch and she's already nagging me for more food despite me telling her that I have feck all here until my Tesco shop comes at 6pm.

Yet, she's still been into the fridge while I've been pottering around and eaten 10+ cheese strings.

Hmm

I don't know how to handle this.

She'd happily eat everything in the house while my back is turned. I have told DS not to let her eat stuff without checking with me (my pizzas are pretty shit once 'someone' has eaten the entire packet of pepperami) but she still does it.

She takes stuff during the night/early in the morning too. I'll come down and find 8 yoghurts gone, that kind of thing.

I provide so much stuff when DS has guests. Always make sure there's drinks, picnic stuff, crisps, pop corn, fruit. It's not like they starve.

Would it be okay to stick a note in the fridge saying 'FECK OFF MY FOOD'? Or would that be a bit twattish?

I don't know what to do and I'm feeling a bit irritated about it.

OP posts:
Tikimon · 18/08/2014 18:17

he sounds like she has an eating disorder. Could you mention it to her mum/dad?

At 12 I had a ridiculous metabolism, and could eat piles of food without gaining weight. I was just constantly hungry, so I ate whatever was available. I had and still have a good relationship with food.

I do remember one time at a friend's house and I ate an entire box of cereal in the morning and the parents yelled at me for it. I'm not sure if I did it again or not, but after that they got up with us in the morning to make us pancakes which were cheaper and much more filling. :)

MrsHathaway · 18/08/2014 18:18

Bloody hell, twelve.

Stop putting the responsibility on DS to control what she eats in your house. Tell her straight. And tell her parents.

If you can't tell her parents because you suspect neglect, tell school at least.

KnackeredMuchly · 18/08/2014 18:21

I would make a snack drawer in the fridge. She can eat all of anything in there - value sausage rolls, 2 Cheesestrings, packet of cold crisps whatever.

Anything eaten from anywhere without permission is a ban from your home.

padkin · 18/08/2014 18:21

The only food that children in my house can just help themselves to is the fruit bowl. Anything else and they have to be offered it or ask. That's the rule for my children, and any guests. I'm not particularly controlling, I don't think, but my two would eat sooo much crap if they could get away with it.

I think you need to actually talk to her. Tell her in a straightforward, no nonsense way that you're finding it hard to keep tabs on food in the house, and it's causing a problem, so could she please ask before eating anything, and not help herself. Make sure your ds is in on the conversation. In fact, have it with them both.

kelda · 18/08/2014 18:23

I would tell them they are not allowed to eat anything in your house without your permission.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 18/08/2014 18:23

DD1 has a friend who helps herself to treats (another 12 yo girl). If I catch her, I say 'Oi, (name), we have to ask for treats first in our house'. She is always looking for food. And also seems to binge on sweet things if she get a chance. But, she is getting better as she gets older. Still, I find it SO very annoying.

I think her mother would be very annoyed with her if she knew. But I don't want to make trouble, so I just keep an eye on it myself.

Frontier · 18/08/2014 18:24

So your DS has a 12 yo girl friend staying over regularly. That in itself is unusual isn't it? Not wrong but it is a bit unusual. How are her manners otherwise? Does she know how to behave generally and it's just the food that's an issue or has she just never learned how to behave?

What's her weight like? If she's regularly eating quantities like that shouldn't she be huge?

DS1 is 13 and will eat continuously but I've never seen him eat 8 yogurts in one go, or get up hunting for food in the night, or eat the whole pack of something without at least checking if anyone else wants some and I hope he would never ask at a friend's house let alone take it without asking.

It does seem like there could be issues with disordered eating or not being fed at home. Does DS stay at her house?

When DS's friends are here I do provide pretty much unlimited food but I stipulate what they can have - they can't have the peperoni if it's destined for pizza at dinner AND it's swings and roundabouts. I feed other people's kids, sometimes they feed mine.

Hakluyt · 18/08/2014 18:28

"So your DS has a 12 yo girl friend staying over regularly. That in itself is unusual isn't it"

Why?

2rebecca · 18/08/2014 18:29

I think getting an inconvenient thing like a fridge lock for a kid's friend is bizarre rather than just telling her to leave YOUR food alone.
Just seen it's a female friend of your son not your daughter. It seems odd at 12 that she's coming round for breakfast and eating at your house all the time.
I'd be just saying no to food outwith meal times and sending them outside to play and if she wants to go to the cinema she asks her own parents for money. She sounds like a leech.

Original poster
KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 18/08/2014 18:29

So your DS has a 12 yo girl friend staying over regularly. That in itself is unusual isn't it?

Is it? They sleep in separate rooms. Part of the problem as the spare room is downstairs, quite near the fridge. I find all of the wrappers and stuff in the morning when I wash the sheets.

She is quite big, I suppose.

I don't think she knows when to stop. I buy those breakfast biscuits for work and noticed a pack of 12 disappeared. I didn't give it much thought. Now I'm trying to think what else is vanishing.

OP posts:
BringMeSunshine2014 · 18/08/2014 18:31

I'd need to know more about the situation to say what I'd do, but I'd have to do something. It's not good for her and it certainly wouldn't be good for my blood pressure!

Frontier · 18/08/2014 18:32

Well it's unusual because it doesn't often happen. Nothing wrong with it in itself but it is unusual and that coupled with the odd eating makes me wonder if there's a reason she's staying away from home so much.

Hakluyt · 18/08/2014 18:33

I think iI'd talk to her mother. I would want to know if she was mine,because it doesn't sound like "normal" teenage gannetting.

Georgethesecond · 18/08/2014 18:33

She's twelve. That means you have to put your "teacher voice" on and tell her. Nicely and firmly. Tell her.

2rebecca · 18/08/2014 18:33

My kids have mainly had same sex friends round unless it was a group or older and boyfriend/ girlfriend thing although they didn't stay over and they weren't unusual. Why does she need to stay over rather than go home? We both work and I couldn't be bothered with the hassle of extra kids on an evening no matter what sex they are. They play with their friends during the day but the friends generally go home to eat and sleep. I'm not running a children's home.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 18/08/2014 18:34

Is she overweight?

Think you need to talk to hwr and her parents, this is more than food, it is about her not having self control. She needs stricter controls around her so she can't jyst help herself.

Stop giving her money for snacks/food. Lock the kitchen/fridge & cupboards and hand out snacks.

SorryForTheTypos · 18/08/2014 18:34

You've told DS to tell her not to eat stuff without checking with you. She's ignored this. It's not on.

You can either speak to her directly or tell DS she is not welcome if she continues the way she is.

No way would I be getting a lock for my fridge.

Agree with PP, there's something not quite ok with her an I would feel sorry for her, but if neither her or her parents have told you what the problem is, how can you be expected to react in the "right" way?

YANBU.

blanklook · 18/08/2014 18:43

Definitely have a stern word about manners, however if for some reason she feels she can't stop, get a lock. I'm sure there must be cheaper versions but this one's unobtrusive. www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Fridge-Lock-Alzheimers-Autism-/121396387143?pt=UK_Baby_Baby_Safety_ET&hash=item1c43c9dd47

I also think she has a serious problem because of the quantity of things she's eating, 8 yogurts, 12 breakfast biscuits Shock and would raise it with her parents and school.

Do you have a garden shed? On nights when she stays, put all the normal food in a locked fridge in the also locked garden shed and fill the fridge in the house with onions, raw potatoes etc. then see what happens Wink

Girlwhowearsglasses · 18/08/2014 18:43

I think you are in the position of mentor here- and it's your responsibility to tell her if something's not on- how would she know otherwise??

It might be a really helpful thing to do to speak to her on her own about this - maybe there's a way to explain that it's not normal behaviour?

Would sitting down together for a meal all together be worth doing? Nobody 'needs' to snack between meals of necessity - it's a nice treat or to tide you over if food is running late...

Also she's probably pubescent and may need food - but she needs to make sure she eats enough at actual meal times.

I think it's your responsibility to speak to her/them

mollypup · 18/08/2014 18:47

Why are you paying for her cinema trip? Does her
mum/dad not give her any spends? Confused

Original poster
KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 18/08/2014 18:50

Why are you paying for her cinema trip?

Because I want to. I'm happy to pay for trips and snacks. That's my choice.

The issue is my food vanishing when she's here.

OP posts:
Frontier · 18/08/2014 18:52

Does your Ds go to hers much OP?

marne2 · 18/08/2014 18:56

I would speak to her parents to see if she eats like this at home, does sound like the poor girl has a problem. My 8 year old has Autism and will eat and eat, she will pinch a whole block of cheese and a packet of ham if she can get her hands on it. We now have a lock on the kitchen door as it's the only way I can stop her, if she asks for food then she is offered fruit, I'm so worried she will have a weight problem when she's older ( at the moment she is tall and slim ). Maybe try having a box of food which she can eat, explain she can only eat food from that box, fill it with fruit and healthy snacks.

I think I would be annoyed if someone else's child was eating all my food ( don't think I could afford to feed an extra child, feeding my own costs enough ).

whois · 18/08/2014 18:56

If everything is 'normal' at home then you just need to tell her off. Put on your stern voice and tell her she isn't to take any food without asking you first.

If things at home are not good and she needs some guidance in how to behave, sit her down away from DS and explain why it's not on (cost, unhealthy etc) and tell her from now on she must ask before taking food.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 18/08/2014 19:00

That's really rude and I would call her on it and tell her parents that you aren't happy about it. You just don't help yourself to food in someone elses house and at 12 she should know better.