To want to throw all son's gadgets into the sea

[Pangurban]

I'm absolutely fed up with the time my son spends on gadgets. He's only 11 and he has an ipad, and other electronic gadgets. On my way to the kitchen for a glass of h20 at 1am, his light was still on, so I went in to turn it off. He was pretending to be asleep, but I saw the light of the ipad through the bedclothes. I was going to remove it from the room, but he said he wanted to listen to a book on it in order to sleep. As it was 1am, I think this is a load of rubbish. He became hysterical and rude when I said he could have it tonight, but would then lose it for a week if we did this.

My husband buys him these gadgets and he is/was going to get him a nexus next. I'm fed up with them. I have had issues with the ipad being left on and hearing it at 2am in the morning. The difference with this and a tape deck is that the tape will turn off. The blasted ipad can go for something like 8 hours of a book. My husband brings these things in but won't take any responsibility for monitoring them. If I refuse to step in and handle them, my son will suffer. I believe he is suffering from their overuse at the moment.

I'm really at a loss as to what I should do.

Confiscate them all?

Don't let him take them to bed. We have strict rules here, no technology in bed. They sometimes sneak them up, then they get a weeks ban. No arguments.

I hope he is not using it in bed while it's on charge, seen to many burn reports over the chargers over heating.

If anything make sure it's charged down stairs.

Make rules. We had computers and video games growing up. Computers and video games were never allowed in our bedrooms.

He doesn't need an iPad to sleep. In fact, studies show that listening to music or books while sleeping can actually disrupt your REMs and keep you from getting a restful night's sleep.

parental controls for apps
Time Lock
Remote disabling app

There you go. Research other parental controls if you need to.

You can set a sleep timer on a book, music or radio. Just install the app?

Or he leaves them downstairs at bedtime. DS is allowed a movie in the bath on Sun evening, and sometimes one in bed on a Fri night. Otherwise it's lights out and devices downstairs.

No iPods or iPads or similar in bedrooms. Ever. DDs are almost-11 and 8. No screens during the week unless it is the desktop being used for homework. This includes television. They are allowed to watch the news or other show that DH and I are watching. The desktop computer is in a corner of the dining room.

Actually, I say no screens, but they are allowed their Kindles whenever they want. But that is books really.

Firstly you need to get a grip and get back the authority over your child. You say when/if he can use the iPad, not the other way round. Tantruming about it will result in him being parted from his electronics for longer spells (as Fatherspodo says). You and your dh need to take a very firm line now on this as it will only get worse. Does he have a phone? A child safety course I attended a while ago suggested that parents make and agreement with their child to leave electronics charging downstairs overnight as they were seeing more and more cases in schools of children whose behaviour and performance was being affected by hours spent late into the night texting/gaming etc instead of sleeping.

If he NEEDS to listen to an audio book to get to sleep I would suggest getting a wireless speak system (like Sonos, or much cheaper). Speaker goes in his room, iPad stays downstairs with you. You switch the book off when you think he should be asleep. If he wakes in the night and wants to read (look at the timing of my post - I would never want to deny a real insomniac such as myself reading material, although I doubt he has insomnia, I would suggest the iPad is keeping him awake) then he can read a real book, not one on an electronic device.

I would also question whether you have any parental controls set up on the iPad - apple's parental controls are crap in my opinion. Does he have internet access in his room? What exactly IS he reading during the night?

The solution is very simple but only you and your dh can sort it out. Your DS is too young and clearly unable to regulate this for himself so you need to parent him.

Thanks for replies. I have removed the gadgets from the bedroom on a school night towards the end of the academic year. It encroached slowly. First it was for 15mins before lights out, then it slowly developed.

He is insistent that the rules don't apply because of the holidays. He was crying and very, very upset. However, it is 1am in the morning and it is disruptive to his rest. I'll investigate that sleep timer for books. Husband is quite good at installing parental controls.

Don't want it in the bedroom at all though. I am absolutely fed up. I was quite cross.

I try to make rules. Then husband brings another bl**dy gadget into the house.

I don't think you can blame your dh really, your DS can have 100 gadgets as long as the rules are consistent. No electronics at night in his room EVER. It is a simple as that. Good luck!

Thats useful Debs. The speakers are a way around a part of the problem. He doesn't have the internet normally on the ipad, but we are on holiday and he is dipping into minecraft related stuff. He usually has to go on the main computer and under his login with parental controls for internet access.

Thanks, feel focused now.

You should ban ipads from the bedroom, I know from personal experience they are terrible for your sleep. You should stop all screens an hour at least before bed. My son (aged 13) knows he is only allowed his kindle in bed. And I hope you hit the roof about him using it at 1 am, that's completely ridiculous! By the sounds of it you need to have words with your husband too, what on earth does your son need a nexus for if he has an ipad? You need to put your foot down.