To put DH in pee therapy

[fleetfoot]

DH, otherwise normal-ish, when drunk pisses anywhere but the loo. Into radiators, bottles, wardrobes, beds... Just caught him, 3am, dick in box of Kleenex on the windowsill (right next to the bathroom). Oh and he will only pee in the sink not loo when sober but that's a whole other thread. So what is this pee psychopathology and what can we do about it?!

genuine connection. It adds nothing to the op. I don't think students at medical school or doctors are more likely to indulge in this "lad" behaviour than any other profession.

It is her simply saying "yeah, he is a filthy minger but don't dismiss him too readily because he is a doctor doncha know..."

I don't think there's any kind of stealth boast that can negate 'thinks there's gremlins in the loo'. But nice try OP.

It's revolting and what kind of fucked up lesson are you putting to your DC.

He pees in the sink?

I think this is a MH issue to be honest.

So in answer to your question, YANBU to put him in therapy. I genunely think he needs to see a MH practioner.

You however, seem to see it as a hilarious joke.

What happens when you go out, does he piss in other peoples sinks? If not, then he is choosing to piss in yours.

He is worried about germs in a toilet but pees in the sink, which you have to use to wash your hands?! That's showing a disrespectful disregard for you. I couldn't live with that behaviour, sorry. Do you have DC and if so how do you explain to them why they have to be toilet trained when their father can pee wherever he wants? He could benefit from counselling but would have to admit he has a problem first.

Gross. I am also reluctantly intrigued as to where he takes a shit if there are 'gremlins in the loo'.

Not cute, quirky or funny in the slightest. At best, he's some sort of hideous manchild who can't or won't control himself. At worst, he's a pervert who gets off on pissing in a place where everybody else in the household washes. Grim. Did you really expect people to have a giggle at this?

Maybe chose the wrong board because i don't find this at all funny; I posted at 3am because I was feeling desperate and have kicked him out (for now) over last night's misdirecting. When outraged, verbal humour (not toilet humour...) can help me feel stronger. Certainly not stealth boasting, I'm not impressed by doctors, having lived with one!-- but medical school is shorthand for 'different levels of bodily squeamishness', which I have found undeniably the case meeting many medics, though of course the majority don't extend it to personal hygiene. But I've heard many inappropriate pissing stories from DH's medic reunions and started to wonder whether this was more common than I'd realised. I'm genuinely keen (desperate) for help with how to think about this problem.

And for all those fascinated by poo; yes, in the loo, but only at home. Too phobic to go elsewhere.

Oh fleet. I am sorry if you feel piled upon -- I think there is just a genuine level of outrage here. I think you need to tackle the inappropriate pissing whilst sober before you worry about what he gets up to when drunk, especially if you say this heavy drinking is very infrequent (don't get me wrong; it's still a problem but the big issue is what he gets up to when he's of sound mind!).

Is he the sort of person you can speak with frankly about things? Have you asked him why he does it before, and were you satisfied with the answer? Might sound like a stupid question, but have you asked/told him outright to just stop it?

Well then it sounds like this is a serious mental health issue and he needs proper therapy. So in terms of how you should approach it: tell him he needs to get help or he can't come home. Maybe he can't help it but it's disgusting and unhygienic and you and your DC shouldn't have to live with it, not when there are options to help him get better.

Here is a whole bunch of information about toilet phobia and options for getting help, looks really good:

www.anxietyuk.org.uk/about-anxiety/anxiety-disorder-and-stress/toilet-phobia

If it is a real problem, I think it's good to be understanding, but you do have to make it clear that you expect him to seek help. It doesn't have to be this way.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this situation. I think some time apart could benefit both of you. You would get to live in a clean, healthy house, which you have every right to do. Your husband will get to see just how much his behaviour has affected your relationship and hopefully use the time to address it by cutting back on his drinking and seeking help for his issues. You should not have to live like this. You deserve better. Regardless of whether his behaviour was accepted by his medical student buddies, he needs to see it is not acceptable as a an adult in your home.

What does he do at work and in other people's homes when he needs a wee OP? (Sorry if it's been asked already)

And how can he sit on the loo if he has a phobia of gremlins

I'm really sorry fleet. Shows how things can be lost in translation. I hope you manage to sort this out.

I was going to mention the concern that SS would have over this; it's a classic. Do you have kids? If so, that might be the best way to make him see it's a serious issue

The solution to him weeing in wardrobes, etc is him not getting drunk.

The solution to him feeling unable to wee in a toilet when sober has got to be CBT.

You can't make that happen for him. He needs to swallow his pride and book some.

Yes, SS would definitely be concerned by the unsanitary environment, bodily fluids round the house etc. I don't mean to be insensitive, but if this is a regular thing then the house probably smells of urine even if it's cleaned. At the end of the day, you need to prioritise your wellbeing and that of your children because your husband is not doing that. Hopefully this will be the push he needs to seek help.

How awful for you both, fleetfoot.

He clearly needs help and I think very soon you have to sit down with him and tell him you absolutely will support him, but only if he enters into a proper professional counselling programme. He needs help as soon as possible, especially as there is a possible indication that this problem is developing (only pooing at home). Unchecked, it could all become entirely debilitating.

I think you have also got to talk very frankly about how to cope meantime. I wasn't joking when I wrote, in an earlier post, about portable urinary bottles.

Urinating in the sink it out. Straight away. No question. No room for negotiation. Even so, just the fact of saying that is not going to render him suddenly able to use the toilet. That's where urinary bottles come in. Get one for every bathroom/toilet in your home and keep it close to the sink (not down behind the toilet). Also buy disposable ones for him to use outside the home.

Talk about these. These are his only option. The sinks (anywhere) are no longer an option. However when you talk about the only options, the portable and disposable urinals, talk about them in a 'user friendly' manner ... how best to do that depends on how you and your DH best communicate, light-hearted/symathetic/matter-of-fact/etc ... they are not a 'punishment', simply a coping device until he experiences positive results from counselling.

Best wishes

I would put him in nappies

"Urinating in the sink it out. Straight away. No question. No room for negotiation."

Should have been clearer. Thiis ^^ has to be said ... it has to be a cut off point.

I think you need to speak to DH about him getting some sort of therapy to address this.

I'm actually more concerned about the everyday use if the sink than the drunk "pee anywhere" issue (not that I don't think that's a problem, but the latter is really just a more extreme manifestation of everyday behaviour.

It's obviously totally unhygienic - to use the place where the rest of the family get clean after using the toilet is actually appalling.

What does he do when visiting friends? At work? What if your kids catch him doing this?

Upshot is I think you need to put your foot down an insist he gets help. It's way past laughing it off as student like behaviour - he needs to understand how utterly repellant this is.

The fact that some of the posts have been so forthright (and less than helpful to be fair) is I think most people are in shock that an adult would behave in such a truly unsanitary way.

Oh for pity's sake. Please tell the idiot that it is acceptable behaviour to joke about pissing in the on call room sink, but not to actually do it. I'm going to make a wild stab in the dark here...orthopod?

If he is a doctor, just say if he does it again you will go to the surgery, hospital or wherever he works and recount the tale to those present in a loud voice.

It may never be needed as an action if he believes you would do this.

I just read the OP out loud to my DH. His response was -- tell them its nice to wee outside, against the wall of buildings which have cctv directed at you