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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that inviting / taking young children to weddings is nuts?

75 replies

LapsedTwentysomething · 16/08/2014 14:04

Currently bored out of my mind sitting in the car with DS (1.9) who has waiting time before the service rampaging outside with his dad and the two minutes of the service itself that we lasted for yowling because he bumped his head on a pew (as the bride walked down the aisle) then trying to run off down the outside aisle.

Cue a swift exit and he's running around the gravestones with my excrutiating heels sinking into the grass. Currently mainlining milk into him and hoping he'll go the fuck to sleep.

My advice to MNers - be careful what you wish for re DCs being invited to weddings. Wish we'd come alone Grin

OP posts:
vickylu1 · 16/08/2014 14:13

Haha! I used to be offended when the children weren't invited but now love it when they aren't! Recent weddings we've been given a choice of bringing the girls or not and have definitely had more fun without them, sorry girls! :)

HallowedVera · 16/08/2014 14:17

I've taken my DD to two weddings and both times it's been a PITA.

Child free weddings all the way.

In fact, if DP and I were to get married, WWBU not to invite our own children?

ALittleFaith · 16/08/2014 14:19

My friend very gently told me DD wasn't invited to her wedding next summer....I wasn't planning to bring her! She'll be 2.5, she's a live wire. She'll be much happier at my Dad's for the night. I guess it depends on your circumstances. We have family nearby who can baby sit, trickier if you don't have anyone close by or have a wedding where everyone is going!

Original poster
LapsedTwentysomething · 16/08/2014 14:22

Ugh. The thought of keeping the two of them contained all afternoon doesn't appeal.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 16/08/2014 14:23

Exactly!
Can't, for the life of me understand the angst of people on here when their little ones aren't invited.

ApplebyMennym · 16/08/2014 14:25

My wedding was actively enhanced by the children (including our own) in attendance.

They generally behaved beautifully, although the ceremony was outside and there was a large gardeny play area for them to run around in afterwards (one of the benefits of not getting married in a stuffy church). We didn't have them dressed in frilly uncomfortable outfits, and even though some had never met before they all played together.

We had colouring and activities for them to do during the speeches, and some popular kids disco songs during the dancing.

The little girls all loved my dress and one told me I looked like a princess because of my tiara.

I wouldn't have had it any other way.

HereBeHubbubs · 16/08/2014 14:25

English attitude of children must be seen and not heard still alive and well then Hmm

Children bring joy and chaos in equal measures. If guests are embarrassed or irritated by the presence of children (which in my experience don't run amok at weddings anyway, and if you have a live wire or a howler, go and play hide and seek with them outside the church for 10 minutes if you really can't stand their natural exuberance), then it's rather sad.

I like the idea of European weddings where the children are embraced as part of the families about to be joined together, not hidden away.

makeminea6x · 16/08/2014 14:27

It depends on the circumstances and the child though?

If you have someone to leave them with or not.

Toddlers really vary about how long they're happy to sit quietly, surely. Some might actually enjoy the whole thing.

Tbh for me there are different stressors for each wcenario because I am a control freak

ChaffinchOfDoom · 16/08/2014 14:27

for me if it's family member wedding then the kids are part of it. Friend wedding - no. anything screaming running pooing diverting attention from the bride/groom isn't great Grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 16/08/2014 14:30

YANBU.

We took our then 18 month old to a wedding last year and it was exhausting! He wanted to wander round constantly so it meant the entire day was spent with one of us following him. There wasn't much opportunity to catch up with our friends. DH kindly took him and did bedtime and left me to drink!

We've got another wedding soon and have arranged for DS to spend time with grandparents which he will love!

Thisvehicleisreversing · 16/08/2014 14:31

I never took mine to weddings when they were little. In fact it will be their first wedding next month aged 9 and 13.

Why would you want to spend the day worrying about how they'll behave, trying desperately to keep them happy and quiet?

You spend a fortune on going to weddings why spoil a nice day getting frustrated and wishing you were at home.

DemelzaandRoss · 16/08/2014 14:32

Quite agree Hereby. That's why we prefer to visit Europe as often as possible. Must have been born in the wrong country.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 16/08/2014 14:32

I prefer child free weddings even though we had them at ours Grin
As long as they're not left to just rampage around while the parents get pissed then children at weddings are fine - at a wedding I went to an elderly lady ended up in hospital because a child was left to run around screaming while the parents sat smoking and drinking with their mates. The lady fell right over this child and broke her ankle. Parents were not exactly concerned..
Give me a chance to drop my lot off with their loving grandparents and put a fancy hat on and I'm there!

bigTillyMint · 16/08/2014 14:32

We had to take DD (9mths at the time) to ours as all our friends and family were there but DM and DMIL took turns looking after her and she slept through the drinking and dancing.

We have never taken the DC to any others for all the reasons given above!

Thenapoleonofcrime · 16/08/2014 14:36

I don't find weddings that interesting anyway, kind of mildly so, but not anything like the excitement they seem to generate on MN. Playing with a toddler doesn't seem to me worse than making polite conversation with people you don't know and will probably never see again (different if all old friends getting together).

CMOTDibbler · 16/08/2014 14:36

Well, for us its a choice of ds being invited and we can go, if not, we can't

Mrssomerhalderx · 16/08/2014 14:38

Wouldn't take my little one to a wedding. Forget it! As much as I love my baby I want to have a good day, the wedding party want to have a good day, and it's cruel to take a child there all day long when they'll be bored shitless.

PenelopeChipShop · 16/08/2014 14:40

I'm at one now too with my 2yo and it must be said I am utterly exhausted! Actual wedding was yesterday and to be fair, he behaved as well as could be expected but still, the constant following him around, combined with the usual 5am wake up, doesn't make for the pre-DC wedding experience! He's part of the family though and it's a family wedding so he had to come. The in laws have helped a bit too. I think it helps if there are other kids so there can be a play area or they can muck around together - ours is the only toddler in the family on either side at the moment so I think that's more work.

TeaandHobnobs · 16/08/2014 14:41

I took DS to two weddings and a funeral when he was 6 weeks old (actually, minus two weeks, as he was a preemie). It was brilliant, he didn't make a peep (being barely newborn), and just either fed or slept.
Last summer, he was 15 months when we took him to a friends' wedding, and thankfully he was pretty quiet and couldn't yet walk, so he was fairly placid and enjoyed listening to the singing and such. He was a bit harder work, but manageable.
2 months later, we took him to BIL and SIL's wedding. If he hadn't been their nephew, I would have left him at home - he was such hard work, I had to run out of the church with him just after SIL had walked down the aisle, as he was being difficult and getting noisy. The two of us spent the rest of the service in the churchyard. I was really upset to have missed their wedding service, but I'd much rather that then them feel their service was disrupted by a shouting screaming toddler. They very sweetly thanked me afterwards for preventing the disruption.
I am looking forward to a future wedding invite where he is not included Grin so we can enjoy ourselves!

BumpAndGrind · 16/08/2014 14:44

I'm getting married next year. I have 15 children under the age of 10 attending the whole day.

AIBU?

dairylea4brains · 16/08/2014 14:55

Bumpandgrind I get married in 10 days and I also have 15 under 10! 3 of those are our own.

dairylea4brains · 16/08/2014 14:56

Lots chose NOT to bring their children so it could have been more!

FindoGask · 16/08/2014 15:00

The last two weddings I've taken my two daughters to, (4 and 7) we have all had an absolute ball, much to my surprise. Before that, I was v. much of the same mind as you, OP. I think their age has a lot to do with it, as well as the attitude of other guests: both times people seem to have liked having the girls around, so there's been plenty of new friends for them to make, people to dance with, knees to sit on etc. I barely saw them at the last wedding!

OwThatHurt · 16/08/2014 15:03

I've had to leave two weddings due to my DCs being noisy. We had flown a long way to go to each wedding so leaving DC at home was not an option.

I had sat at the back of the church and managed to whisk them outside each time but I felt a bit sorry for myself. I'm sure no one else noticed or minded.

If there is a choice I would prefer no little kid weddings.

SolidGoldBrass · 16/08/2014 15:08

It depends on a huge variety of factors including the age of the children, how many children are likely to be at the wedding, how far it is from home and what the venue is like.
Being the parents of the only toddler there, in a not-very child-friendly venue, when the toddler is at the hugely mobile and noisy stage, is going to be fucking grim. Even more so if the parents are friends of the B&G rather than family, so fewer aunties and grandparents happy to give the kid a cuddle.

On the other hand, when there are three or four kids of similar age in the immediate family and lots of doting relatives and the whole set-up is very family orientated, it can be fine.
But whatever choice the bridal couple make is up to them. They are the ones paying. If you can't attend a childfree wedding because you have no childcare, fair enough. Say so, politely. Don't piss and moan and start ranting about how it's not a 'proper' wedding if someone's toddler doesn't shit on the floor halfway through the vows, particularly if you are only a work colleague or the partner of a friend of the B&G anyway - it's not about you.