to think that inviting / taking young children to weddings is nuts?

[LapsedTwentysomething]

Currently bored out of my mind sitting in the car with DS (1.9) who has waiting time before the service rampaging outside with his dad and the two minutes of the service itself that we lasted for yowling because he bumped his head on a pew (as the bride walked down the aisle) then trying to run off down the outside aisle.

Cue a swift exit and he's running around the gravestones with my excrutiating heels sinking into the grass. Currently mainlining milk into him and hoping he'll go the fuck to sleep.

My advice to MNers - be careful what you wish for re DCs being invited to weddings. Wish we'd come alone

MrTumbles...

I love your style. Totally agree I wouldn't call a wedding good time for couples tbh.
I think adult only weddings are a new thing really, we just used to take the kids and so did everyone else. The adults looked after all the kids, whether they were theirs or not.
I hear it all the time how parents want to be without their dc, not just weddings. Its sad to think that many of these children are at school and wraparound care and their parents don't want them at the weekend.

our wedding was about family; our marriage is about us, if we'd wanted it to be about us we'd have eloped I had a 2 month old and invited all children of guests. made it easy hours - was at a stately home - but they catered childrens food and we had a dj that took their requests too, a quiet room, and activity packs. People without children shouldn't have to cater for other peoples family's or invite them to their weddings and as such they don't consider them and that's not unreasonable it's just meant for the most part I've missed their weddings or drifted from them as it's clear we don't have much in common vis a vis life stage, attitude and priorities.

Maybe youngsters today don't like being with their kids, some of the posts sound like the parents don't have a clue what to do with their own kids.
I find it quite sad

Excellent. That's the best post I've seen on MN all week. People who fancy the odd bit of childfree time don't like being with their kids?

I feel like I've heard it all now

I like kids at weddings. They can be great fun.

But I don't want to take my young child to a wedding.

Selfish as it apparently it () I quite like some adult only time to have a few drinks and let my hair down.

I did go to an enormously child friendly wedding last summer. I went with DD and without DP. It was an absolute sodding nightmare. Busy venue, lots of people hanging around, everyone socialising - but you're trying to wrangle a toddler? Not for me.

Thurlow :)
Don't you know - you should be joined at the hip to your child at ALL times!

I MUST give up work now!

I'll focus on being called a "youngster"

In ds's first 2 years I think we attended about 10 weddings. I loved giving him to the gps (both sets) and having a night in a hotel ;)

We made exceptions for babes in arms at our Australian wedding but I spoke to everyone else individually and all said they were ok with leaving their children with sitters (all have family nearby) so we didn't have invite older children. For our UK wedding we allowed people to bring children to the daytime bit and I have fond memories of my friends then toddler doing laps of the pub during the speeches. I know my friend, who was heavily pregnant, was mortified.
Fast forward a few years on, we just took our almost 2 year old to a destination wedding. Bride and groom said they would have a babysitter to take the children in the evening. What the neglected to mention, was that the babysitter was a 15 year old girl who only had a basic grasp of English. There was three other small children -- a 10 month old, an 13 month old and a 3.5 year old that she was supposedly watching, who at least spoke the local language. The wedding was held in a remote location with some rather dangerous wildlife and early on the children were outside. She was sitting down with the younger two children as DD practically disappeared into the forest chasing a cat. I just didn't feel comfortable with the whole situation but I couldn't keep DD with me without annoying the b&g. I had to sit with her as she ate her dinner away from the party (as did the other parents really) and then DH and I both had to take turns checking on her every 20 minutes or so, surprisingly she wasn't very interested in a film that wasn't in English. In the end we brought her out to sit with us and then rocked her to sleep in the pram. Given how far we travelled I was a bit sad that we didn't really get to enjoy the wedding.
We have another wedding to go to next month and it is child free. Totally fine with that even though we have no family and the (Likeminders) babysitter is costing us £100+. DD will be looked after properly and DH and I will be able to hopefully relax / enjoy adult conversation. Shame I can't have a few drinks (7 months pregnant but with no babysitters around it is rare to have a night off for us).

Yanbu. Small children's and formal occasions do not mix. I can't think of anything worse.

Mr Tumble, you sound like an absolute misery. Why attend a wedding at all if its all so utterly boring and beneath you. If you prefer the company of children to adults then stay home and do kids stuff. Most adults enjoy socialising, drinking etc with others.

Children are the best bit as far as I'm concerned.

Just because they're invited doesn't mean you have to bring them. I had young kids at my wedding and they were fine. But my family just very recently started popping out babies, so there weren't many small kids in the first place.

IME parenting of young kids either goes one of two ways at weddings:

1. Parents are respectful and spend the entire time making sure that their DC are behaving well and managing their needs and therefore don't actually get a chance to relax and interact with other guests; or

2. Parents ignore their DC and have a 'children will be children' attitude that basically means that they couldn't care less if their DC scream/chatter/run around during the service/speeches while they blissfully ignore them.

If I'm going to a wedding I'm going there to actually enjoy and be involved in the thing - not to spend the day doing my day job (SAHM) or being an utterly inconsiderate arse.

I will never take my DC to a wedding while they are under the age of 8.

I think both types of weddings work and it is the bride and grooms choice.

Went to my sister's wedding this summer and was dreading taking my boys- thankfully my sister was aware of how many children would be there and had arrange loads for them- bags with toys and snacks in the church (to keep them quiet) a side room at the venue with toys in that the parents could use if needed and toys outside as well. My boys loved it and were really well behaved. However if it had been a friend's wedding and not family I would probably get a baby sitter,

We got married last week and had 20 guests under the age of 5. The wedding was in a big old barn and we put up safety gates on the doors so the kids could be free range. I brought lots of ds's toys, pop up tunnels, ride on car, push along toys, stick ponies, the children played beautifully and the parents could sit and relax. We had a special side room for quiet breastfeeding, sleeping.

The children made the day feel really special as we were celebrating not only mine and dp's relationship but also our family.

Fanily weddings I think children should ve included. But friends? No thanks. We have 2 this year ds not invited but we wouldn't take him anyway. Much harder when there is travelling, no extended family to share the childcare duty.

I work as a registrar, and see hundreds of weddings. Yes, it is a great family occasion and celebration, but the wedding ceremony is also a significant legal commitment. The LEGAL commitment is that I, and the bride and groom, and their witnesses, have all heard the legal declarations, pronouncements and promises made. I have had a situation where I had to call a witness (also bridesmaid) back in, and repeat the vows because she had left to comfort her ds.

I have held weddings where children wandered around close to candles (distracting me totally), and a wedding where the MOB spent 90% of her time facing the row behind her where her granddaughter was sitting. As the vows were being said MOB and her gd were playing peek-a-boo.... :(

I love all of you who post about spending a boring 20 minutes walking around outside with your dc - thank goodness you have the grace and compassion to do this. There are so, so many people who do not take their dc out if their are crying or upset, or noisy or frustrated or running around.

I know from my own dgc how difficult it can be to entertain them - in 2 minute intervals- and I can't imagine expecting them to be quiet and settled for 45 minutes (without CBeebies).

In the 'olden days' (when I lived ) children were disciplined a bit more, they maybe were accustomed to going to church and sitting quiet for half an hour. But we now live in a world which is (thankfully) more child focused. But this means that our ancient traditions are quite incompatible with 'family friendly'...

my son howled most of my wedding day he wanted me or his dad unfortunately we were busy then he freaked out because mommy had been replaced by a lady in a big dress and curly hair!

I take my boys (currently aged 8, 6, 3.5, 14m and 2m) to weddings and funerals. It's fine, they are always well behaved and I've never had to take them out (I would have done if needed). I was a bit worried about BIL's wedding as DH was best man and was going to sit on the top table but MIL organised the seating plan so that I was sat with DH's grandparents who were happy to help me with DS1 and DS2 who were 2 and 4 at the time.

It helps that we go to church regularly so they are used to sitting quietly for an hour with a book/colouring/quiet toy.

The point about children being used to church services is a good one. I grew up (many years ago) in a culture where we sat in church being good and quiet for half an hour each week, then got taken out to Sunday school and has a ball running around and behaving like loons, while also absorbing the odd bible story. We were used to behaving ourselves during the quiet part of the service, so weddings were not a big deal to us. We usually sat still, with the toddlers crawling quietly under the seats, knowing that we would be allowed to dance and run around later.

I think weddings are a big ask for children who are not used to this routine. Also, parents who are not used to the church routine may not know when it is appropriate to let the kids need around quietly, and when it is appropriate to take them out.

I missed the wedding of one of my oldest friends because it was a child free wedding and we didn't have childcare. I didn't resent it, but I'm sad about the way things have gone over the years.

DD has just turned three and there have been 5 weddings since she was born. Two were very child friendly and she was only one then and bit yer walking for both of those (one abroad) so she was brilliant. One was child free - DH and I had a great time. One was family and DD was a flower girl. And one was a nightmare as it was at a venue next to a river and we waited in what was a glorified greenhouse for a whole hour for the bride to turn up. We thought we'd timed it perfectly by arriving with ten minutes to go until the ceremony start time. There was nowhere to take DD inside the venue, it was pissing down outside and the river was too near to be safe for her to let off steam. So the fifth wedding we left DD with my sister and DH and I had the best time ever.

We've another wedding in a couple of months which we will take DD to as she's mostly more civilised these days and one of her best friends will be there too.

And that was an utterly tedious post about weddings that I've just written. What was the original question?!

Damn autocorrect: not yet walking

We married in our mid to late 30's and had a number of family and friends with children. We didn't have a 'no children' or 'children' conversation. We made it clear children and babies were welcome because we felt our friends and families would decide what would work out best for them, given weddings can be expensive to attend and not always easy for everyone to find babysitting for. If they wanted to come with or without their children it was their choice as our guests.

Took DD to a wedding at 1. She was there for the ceremony and the drinks immediately after the ceremony then DPs collected her and DH and I had a great time. So did she - much more fun with GPs than in a reception and then noisy bar/party.

This is really interesting has got me thinking back on all the weddings I've been to.

I think it probably has a lot to do with where you live and what your family is like. Neither DP nor I have big families, most of our friends are all living (London) away from their families, and people are only having children in their early thirties once they are married. So pretty much all the weddings we have been to have been ones where you travel to somewhere near where the bride or groom's family live, and they also are couple/friend time as so few people have children.

So big weddings full of children just aren't what we've experienced, even in the past few years since we've had DD. Hence the idea of taking her to a wedding where she'd be one of the only children there and the whole thing will have been planned without children in mind would be... rubbish.

I do agree children can have lots of fun at weddings and learn things, but under 3 they aren't going to have a clue what's going on, and under 5 they aren't really going to remember, are they?