AIBU to request my OH just shuts the f**k up during my programmes?!

[Y0rkshirePudding]

I swear he's driving me bonkers with this... I don't watch much on tv. Its usually taken over by cbeebies (by 2 yr old ds), by crap films on netflix (by 13 yr old dss) or boxing/motor racing on sports channels, storage hunters, sin city motors and various othrt mind-numbing mens sh*t (by OH). So I have to catch up on the few programmes I like on catch-up tv in between everyone else...

I don't ask for much, I'd just actually like to WATCH and HEAR these programmes when I get the rare bloody opportunity to have the privilege of watching tv. But will OH let me without rattling on and ON and OOOON all the way through EVERY GOD DAMN PROGRAMME about total bllcks that I could not give a flamin' frig about - NO he bleedin' well won't.

So this evening after settling down to a crime documentary I was interested to watch, OH decides he's going to yap on and laugh constantly about a police detective looking like Gary Linekars even uglier brother... So I snapped and told him to just shut the f**k up and just let me watch one bloody programme without this inane shit for once!

He did shut up... he flounced off upstairs and I haven't seen him since lol. I don't feel guilty though. I dont do it through his programmes. And I know it was harsh, but Christ almighty, put a sock in it man! I've asked him politely on many previous occasions but he just keeps doing it.

AIBU?

Pictish - although I still hate to hear someone calling my dearly beloved "a dick" I do appreciate what you're saying.

I was bullied mercifully as a child (very petite, wore thick glasses, had acne and braces - I was a bully's dream, and geek chic wasn't fashionable in the 80's/90's when I was at school!). My parents also did the same.

So now I am particularly sensitive to anyone trying to bully me in any way amd fiercely protect myself. And this is how he tries to defend himself in rows, by saying im now too sensitive and he's only having a bit of fun, and to lighten up.

I happen to have an actual sense of humour, and I love a bit of banter and giggles, and love comedy. The reasin I fell for him is because he didn't take himself too seriously and we had a lot of laughs. But after moving in together 3 yrs ago I started to see the brat within!

I don't like this side of him.

He needs this explaining to him then. He'll not get better without having it pointed out to him.

It doesn't matter how sensitive you are, the fact is it upsets you. If someone does something they know will wind you up and upset you then that is bullying and not very pleasant behaviour. If someone loves you and respects you, they don't do this.

I never get near the telly for my DH to do this.

What he does instead is fucking stalk me when I'm on the phone. He can have not spoken a word for an hour but the second I'm chatting on the phone he has an encyclopaedia worth of drivel he has to impart.

So I'll leave the room and he'll fucking follow me wherever I go!

AND THEN the bloody children will wonder why we're wandering about the house and join in!

I've actually hidden before, to try to get peace for one entire phone call.

well, your back story makes him all the worse, he's sounding more of a bell-end with every post! As are a few other 'D'Hs mentioned on this thread.

No I'm sure you don't.
And if you don't mind me elaborating further, I would suggest your past offers your dh a custom made response, to counteract your perfectly valid complaints about his conduct.

You are not being sensitive, and while he may find steering you into a state of fury and upset fun, it is only fun for him.
Highly disrespectful behaviour.

You are a woman, not a plaything.

Its true, I know. In fact when I first moved in with him he veralbally abused a poor teenage boy in the supermarket car park by calling him 'a freak' very loudly (he was dressed emo, ya know how teens go through that moody phase)... I was truly shocked as id never seen him do this before, NEVER. I immediately told him that I don't like bullies, I will never tolerate a bully and if I ever saw him do such a thing ever again I'd leave him... he did say sorry and said he didn't know why he did it, and promised it would never happen again.

But i think working in the construction industry with just men giving each other stick all the time and sharing these juvenile traits to prove their masculinity rubs off on him.

He works hard, out the door by 5am and most days doesn't get home until after 7pm so I dont begrudge him a bit of childish antics with the lads if it helps the day go quicker (providing they don't make someones life a misery). I just wish he'd leave that person at work.

Seriously, if he thinks that finding your distress 'funny' is a good enough reason to instigate it, knowing full well you have been bullied in the past, there is something rotten within.
It's not loving, it's not kind, it's not respectful. It is manipulative and cruel, and all dressed up to make you look like the unreasonable party who can't take a joke.

There is no joke. Just a little man who gets his cheapies from tormenting his wife, and who can't even allow her to watch tv without making it all about him.

This is not a chatty man, this is a bully.

Oh and I'm sure he's not all bad OP, but truly - this overriding of your wishes, and using you as a target for his cruelty needs to stop.
It is already affecting your relationship, in that you are ceasing to find him desirable because he bullies you.

And yes - I do think cruel is the operative word.

How can the act of winding another person up until they lose their temper and get upset, just so you can laugh at them, be described as anything else?

I genuinely don't think he does it to be intentionally cruel or bully me. His problem is he never see's things from another person's point of view if he wouldn't be upset by it. He totally lacks any empathy, of which I've pointed out to him. And generally he actually agrees with me. Its like some kind of social disfunction.

Hes actually really a kind generous man, he would seriously give me every last penny he earned if it made me happy. He surprises me with flowers for no reason, or posh nights out. He treats our children and loves them dearly.

But his mouth runs away with him. If something is funny to him he doesn't know when to stop and goes off on a tangent with it. And hes never embarrased by anything so can babble about the most inappropriate things to people, then genuinely doesn't understand why they'd be offended, purely because he doesn't find it offensive.

I've explained that while he was brought up in a very open family who weren't afraid to talk about ANYTHING to each other, that actually other people have boundaries within conversation and that he's to think before he speaks!

Well then...find something you know he finds aggravating as fuck, and do it to him incessantly, overriding his requests to stop, until he cracks and loses his temper...and then laugh at him.
Go on.
See how he reacts to the boot being on the other foot.
Not well I'd wager.

you might want to point out to him that that emo child having grown men shouting 'freak' at them might be one of his children one day. And if he's that generous he can make a big fat donation to the Sophie Lancaster Foundation.

I've tried it pictish, he just thinks its funny. All I'm doing then is lowering myself to his level so he can say "well you do it to me!" And then my argument falls flat on its face.

He's also highly competitive, unnecessarily. In fact it appears to be a family trait. They're all like it. His dad and sister are terrible for it (I dread the boardgames at Christmas because someone ends up being a very sore loser and ruining a bit of family fun!). So if we start the whole "well you do it to me" "but I only do it because you do it to me" it turns into a competitive issue that he has to win. And I seriously can't be arsed with unhealthy competition like this. Furthermore it doesn't make for a pleasant relationship constantly playing 'one-up-manship'

To clarify...he knows perfectly well what annoys and offends other people - he just doesn't give a shit that it does, because he thinks he gets to do what he wants.
He doesn't actually get to decide how other people ought to feel, but he considers his desire to open his gob and amuse himself as more important than showing respect to whoever he has decided will be on the receiving end of his bullshit.

He does know, and he does understand. He just doesn't care.

But eventually I tire of it and really snap at him quite abruptly. Then he sulks and says I speak to him like crap/ a child sometimes. But speaking to him like an adult just causes him to behave more childishly so what do I do.

So he pushes you to the point of snapping at him, then feels hard done by eh? Sulks and complains about being treated badly.
How very telling indeed.

He knows fine OP - stop excusing him.

And yes I agree he has probably been conditioned into behaving that way by his upbringing, but he needs to stop doing it to you. That would be a good start in Stopping Being an Offensive Prick 101.

And to clarify further, this is not a cry of LTB, but of STB (stop the bastard).

Well that's good because I won't be leaving him just because we essentially argue about the tv. That woukd be silly. But yes, I do want all the underlying little issues to stop before I turn as bitter and twisted about men as what my mother is (shes with her partner of 16 yrs but openly admits she despises him, and quite why they are together is beyond me)

I'll have a look for the hollyoaks thread!

Yes he sounds so like mine, he also knows all the characters but "hates it" funny that!

Thank you downstairs. Someone answered my very crucial question & I've just watched the episode with my dd.

Just remembered! My ex, walked in while I was watching a film on DVD. He grabbed the remote, turned the dvd player off, then began channel hopping. I said, "I was watching that film" and he said "oh, I didn't know, you didn't say, you can watch anything you like" while still channel hopping!

I said, "I would LIKE to watch the film I WAS WATCHING" through gritted teeth and he lobbed the remote onto the chair as far from me as possible and said "I'll leave you to it then" and fucked off upstairs. So I turned the wifi off. Knowing he was wanting to play his online game.

YANBU..My DH does this too - whenever he sees an actor he recognises, he searches for them on IMDB and insists on telling me every program they've been in before! He loves it if they pass the 'Casualty' test - he has a theory that most British actors alive have been in Casualty. I don't care when I'm trying to watch True Blood!

See...I think being a disruptive, blabbering bumface during your beloved's favourite show is quite normal within a relationship...I reckon we're all guilty of not realising our SO is entrenched in whatever, and not up for idle chit chat about nothing of import.

BUT I also think how we react to our partner's shushing or request to be left in peace to watch something specific, is a good indicator of how we think, in terms of their autonomy.

Of course, if you've got someone who insists on watching hours of drivel every day, it's different.

YANBU, my sister used to do the same to me. She stopped when started doing it back to her in the middle of her precious Eastenders. What would he do if you did that to him? Would he care?